


4 AM Wake UP Call

by Tonks32



Series: Castle: AM Series [5]
Category: Castle
Genre: Action/Adventure, F/M, Family Feels, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Love Story, Married Life, Misunderstandings, Original Character(s), Romance, past coming back with a vengance, sqeual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2019-07-03 04:05:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 77,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15810990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tonks32/pseuds/Tonks32
Summary: Beckett gets a phone call in the morning. Someone is hurt and needs her. But soon the family of the 12th is faced with a ghost from the past. Squeal to 2 AM Wake up call.





	1. 4 AM Wake Up

**Author's Note:**

> So this is just one of the squeal in the AM series that I created. All mistakes are mine. I do try to catch everything but wanted to put it out there that having dyslexia and other things in my life make it a bit difficult. I hope you all enjoy and please let me know what you think in a comment or hit the fav button or Kudos they all make me very happy :D

   The annoying sound of her cell phone awoke Beckett from her peacefully slumber. Groaning, she lifted her head to glance at the clock and wanted to swear very loudly. It was just past four in the morning and she had just gotten to sleep not even an hour before because of her son’s nightmare. A nightmare that was induced by his father’s vast imagination she might add. Upon searching the nightstand by her side she realized that the annoying ringing was coming from the one on the opposite of the bed. Thinking she would get a bit of payback in the process, Beckett clumsily climbed over her husband to snatch up her cell phone on the last ring. “Beckett.”

   “Kate.” Castle groaned his mind still clouded with sleep. He weakly pushed at her so he could turn over and go back to sleep. That plan went out the window when she jolted straight up in bed at full alert. This time when he said her name it was full of fear, “Kate?”

   She waved him off so she could concentrate on the voice on the other end of the phone. “Address?” Beckett demanded and knocked several things over in a rush to find something to write on and with. Once it was complete, Beckett was already hopping out of bed. “I’m on my way.”

   Still somewhat groggy, Castle switched on the light to see his wife already dragging on a pair of jeans that had been carelessly discarded on the floor the night before. “What’s wrong?” The look on her face had him out of bed in a heartbeat. “Kate, what is it? Is it Alexis?”

   “No.” Beckett shoved her phone into her pants pocket and looked for a jacket. The air was quite nippy as November started to fade into December. Once she found one she turned back to Castle who was eagerly awaiting an answer, “There was a shootout.”

   The writer’s face pale, “Jeremy.” On that note, he started getting ready himself.

   “No, you need to stay here.” Beckett held up a hand to keep him from arguing, “Nathan just got to sleep.”

   “I know but-.”

   “I don’t know what is going on, Rick. I need you to stay here and wait for me to call. Once I figure out what’s going on then you’re going to go get Alexis.” Beckett informed and watched any argument he had just fade away with her reasoning. She knew it killed him not to come with her like in the good old days, but they made an agreement that after Bryon was born that he would stop shadowing her. That way it lessened the chance of their son losing both their parents. Now that didn’t mean that he didn’t help out occasionally, but for the most part, he was a stay at home dad once again.

   “Call me as soon as you know and be careful.” He begged his voice laced with his daily worry for her safety.

   Beckett took a moment in her mad dash for the door to place a hand on his face. The stubbles from his morning growth were rough against her palm. Getting up in the morning and putting on her shield knowing there was a possibility she wasn’t coming back grew harder with each passing day. “You know I will be.” Her fingers curled downward until she was stroking his jawline with the pad of her thumb as she bent to meet him in a kiss. Even after almost five years of marriage, a single kiss from the man shot fire straight through her. “Wait for my call.”

   “I love you.”

   “I love you too.” She pressed a kiss to her brow. This was another ritual that they went through every time they parted because with a job like hers they never knew if there would be another chance to say I love you. As she made a detour to get her gun and shield from the safe, Beckett hoped that Alexis and Jeremy practiced the same philosophy. And she prayed like hell that she wouldn’t be the one telling her step-daughter that the man she loved was dead.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

    The scene was an old warehouse on the outskirts of SoHo. A small area was flooded with flashing blue and red lights with a small little corner near the edge of the building lit withstanding floodlights. In the middle of the square of light was a white sheet that Beckett knew covered a body. Panicked, Beckett flashed her badge to the uniform monitoring the yellow tape before ducking under it in search of the person in charge. She found a pain clothed cop, his badge hanging around his neck, talking to two people she guessed were homeless. Beckett flashed her badge, her eyes trying to soak every inch of the crime scene. “Lieutenant Kate Beckett.” Her eyes landed on the ambulance and felt a small twinge of hope that Jeremy was okay. “I was called because an Officer Jeremy Dunn was involved in a shootout.”

   The cop, maybe pushing fifty, studied the badge his face completely stoic so Beckett couldn’t get a read on him. “Roger Hatt, IAB.” He informed before adding, “Beckett? I thought you married that writer. What is his name? Castle right?”

   “I did.” And on paper, she changed her name, except it made things easier to keep her last name in a professional sense to avoid unwanted attention. But none of that matter, what matter was the fact that he hadn’t mention Jeremy causing that little bit of hope to fly right out the window. “Officer Dunn.” Beckett insisted. “Where is he?”

   Roger turned in the direction of the body missing the seer panic that crossed the season Lieutenant’s face. “He’s around the corner getting checked out by a paramedic.”

   “Was he hurt?” At least her voice didn’t betray her.

   “Got clipped the best I can tell. I’m still trying to figure out what happened. Officer Dunn is in shock so I haven’t been able to get a word out of him. His partner tried.” Roger informed, “Maybe you can get through to him.”

   “Thanks.” Closing her coat against the winter chill, Beckett started towards the direction Roger gave her. She stopped by the body where the ME was bent down examining. “What happened?”

   “Single GSW to the chest.” The ME informed never looking up from the body. “The officer involved in the shootout tried to revive him, but death was almost instantaneous.”

   Moving on, Beckett found the shaken office slummed against the wall of the warehouse oblivious to the world and the paramedic trying to treat him. The young woman was getting now where “Officer please you’re bleeding.”

   “Jeremy.” Beckett knelt down beside the pair.

   The officer barely blinked.

   The paramedic gave her a helpless look, “He’s been like this since I pulled him off the shooter.”

   “Jeremy look at me.” When she didn’t get a response Beckett tried a different approach. “Officer Dunn this is Lieutenant Beckett, what the hell happened here?”

   The young man snapped to attention even if his green eyes were still unfocused, “We were responding to a call. Some woman called 911 about a woman’s screams coming from inside the warehouse. We were in the area because of some recent attacks in the area at night.” Jeremy took a shaky breath as he ran a blood stain hand through his ink-colored hair. “When my parent and I responded we found a man on top of the victim, he was raping her. My partner reacted without thinking and rushed the attacker. Officer Odon didn’t see the man had a gun until it was too late and took one to the vest. The moment he hit the ground the attacker grabbed the woman and took off to the back of the warehouse. After making sure my partner was okay, I gave chase.”

   “After calling it in?’ Beckett asked trying to see if he had followed protocol.

   “Yes, Ma’am. I reported gunshots and officer down. I also told them that the assailant had taken the victim and I was pursuing on foot.” Finally, Jeremy relaxed his posture allowing the paramedic access to his wound. He was barely aware of the woman cutting his pants to get to wound on his leg. “I caught up to the assailant and he turned around using the victim as a shield. I engaged him trying to get him to let her go. He let off three shots.”

   Beckett looked down to see two of them had hit Jeremy. One had grazed his left thigh and the other had hit his arm somewhere as blood dripped from his hand. She would have to ask the paramedic if it was a clean shot or not once she was finished with his leg.

   “I told him to drop his weapon.” His voice wavered, “ ‘Drop the weapon’ I commanded, but he didn’t listen.” Blinking away the tears, Jeremy looked at Beckett, “Why didn’t he listen?”

   The helplessness she heard in his voice caused Beckett’s heart to ache and she had to fight the urge to take the injured man into her arms. It was that mother instinct after all. But no matter how much she wanted to she wouldn’t. When they were both wearing the badge it was all professional. Jeremy received no special treatment from her or anyone else. “Focus Officer.”

   “The woman was begging to be let go. He went to go hit her or shoot her, I don’t know, but I had an opening and I took it.” Jeremy’s face grimaced as if his sense finally came back online. He looked down at the paramedic’s gloved hands that were working to stop the bleeding. “I’ve been shot.” The realization made him almost sick.

   “Hey.” Beckett snapped her fingers to get his attention back. “Keep your eyes on me, okay.”

   “I’m shot.”

   “Join the club.” She tried to joke, “One grazed your leg and the other hit your arm.”

   “Twice.” His face paled.

   “Think you’re like you can get up so-.” Beckett looked at the paramedic in search of a name.

   “Emma.” She supplied.

   “So Emma doesn’t have to haul your ass up by herself?” Beckett asked. “The ground is getting a bit hard.”

   Jeremy tried to smile, “Just a bit.”

   Beckett shifted into his line of vision once the medic ran to fetch a stretcher. “You’re going to be okay.”

   “Right.” He had to keep himself from looking at the blood leaking from his body. Then his mind began to clear and he thought of his partner and the victim. “Is Adam okay? The woman?”

   “I don’t know, but I’ll find out.” Since they were alone, Beckett caught Jeremy in a tight embrace. “God you had me worried.”

   “Sorry.” Jeremy took a moment to soak up her comfort before she pulled away. “Does Alexis know?”

   “I wanted to be sure that you were all right before I let her know. The details over the phone weren’t a lot to go on. I’m going to call Rick and get him to pick her up.”

   Emma reappeared with her partner and a stretcher. “All right Officer Dunn let’s get you off that hard grown.” Together the three of them got the injured officer up and on the stretcher. Now they were able to work on getting Jeremy’s shirt off to get to his wounded arm. After inspecting it, Emma pressed gauze to the small hole. “It looks clean. Through and through.”

   “No surgery,” Beckett informed Jeremy. “Good news.”

   “I’m still shot.” Jeremy retorted. It was clear that he had been hanging around Castle a bit too much.

   Beckett grinned down at him, “You’re going to be fine. It’s just a flesh wound.” The joke had the man smiling.

   Emma missing the joke spoke, “We got room for one if you want to go, Lieutenant.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   Beckett took post outside the officer’s hospital room and waited for the arrival of her stepdaughter. After talking to his partner and the woman who was attacked, Beckett concluded that Jeremy had done everything by the book. Of course, IAB had to launch their investigation and the Jeremy would be put on modified duty until he was clear of any miss-doings. The whole situation sucked, Beckett knew that one from experience, but Jeremy would get through it. She just hoped that this little scare wouldn’t drive Alexis away. Beckett also knew from experience that moments like this tend to divide people instead of bringing them closer.

   “Kate.”

   Beckett turned to see the redhead racing through the hospital hallway with Castle following close holding their three-year-old son. It was clear that Alexis hadn’t put much thought into getting dressed once hearing the news as she was wearing mismatched shoes. “Alexis listen to me.” Beckett stopped Alexis from charging into the exam room, something that Alexis wasn’t happy about. The Lieutenant gently grasped her by the shoulder, “He is all right.”

   “He can’t be all right if he is in here.” Alexis tried to push by her stepmother only to get nowhere. “Kate let me through.”

   “I will once you calm down.” Beckett insisted. “Jeremy was hit twice. One grazed his leg and the other hit his bicep. It was a clean shot so there was no need for surgery.”

   The news had her paling, “This is supposed to calm me down?”

   Beckett stroked a hand over Alexis’s fiery hair, “No sweetheart it’s to prepare you.” Her gaze flickered to Castle and realized that he was better equipped to handle this situation. He had been In Alexis’s shoes on more than one occasion. When Castle gave her a nod of encouragement, Beckett continued, “He’s really shaken. He took a life tonight.”

   Alexis fell silent for a long moment trying to even fathom what her boyfriend was currently going through. She could sympathize with the aspect of being hurt, but knowing you ended a life was something she hoped never to experience. “Okay.” She took a deep breath to calm her racing heart. Freaking out would come later, right now Jeremy needed her and she had to be strong. “Can I see him?”

   “Of course.” Beckett pressed a quick kiss to the girl’s hair and stepped aside.

   Castle slipped his arm around his wife’s shoulder and the sleepy boy on his shoulder lifted his head, “mamma Germ-y okay?”

   “He’s going to be fine Nate.”

   Jeremy was fidgeting in on the hospital bed working the step of his sling to find a comfortable position. It wasn’t like he was in pain or anything thanks to some good painkillers the doctor gave him. Just nerves he finally confirmed when he couldn’t find one. He was just nervous to see Alexis. Why he wasn’t sure.

   “Hey, there handsome.” Alexis prayed that her voice was stronger than it sounded. When he looked at her and smiled at her with that million dollar smile Alexis felt all her resolve just melt away. It took just sheer willpower not to run across the room and threw her arms around him. Instead, she carefully sat on the edge of the bed, “How are you feeling?”

   He fiddled with the strap of his sling, “They got me on something pretty good so there isn’t much pain.” He confessed with a sheepish smile. An uncomfortable silence filled the room and Jeremy watched the struggle on Alexis’s face to stay composed. “C’mere.”

   On his request, Alexis nuzzled up to the good side of his body and held on for dear life. With him being a cop Alexis knew that this would happen. She had tried to prepare herself only none of that mattered when she got the phone call from her father. She had blacked out or spaced out, Alexis wasn’t sure. All she was aware of was that one moment she was standing up and the next after her father informed her of the shootout she was on the floor. “I’m so glad that you’re okay.”

   He wasn’t sure if he was okay, but for the moment wrapped in the arms of the woman he loved Jeremy allowed himself to be. Turning his face in her hair, he struggled to block out the sound of gunfire and the smell of blood. There had been so much blood. Oh god, he killed someone. Jeremy held onto her for dear life, “I love you.” It was the one thing that was keeping him from sliding into the black abyss of despair. He prayed it would be enough.

   Castle watched from the window, his heart aching at the desperation he saw on the young boys face. A long bumpy road waited the couple and Castle hoped that it wouldn’t drive them apart. “What happened?” He asked his wife.

   Beckett glanced down at her dozing son, “Let’s lay him down first.” He was still small enough that they could push together three chairs and would be enough room. Plus, Beckett didn’t know how but Nate could sleep anywhere.

   “No.” Nate’s head bounced off his father’s shoulder, “I want to see Germ-y! I want see him okay!”

   “All right all right.” Kneeling down, Castle set his son on his feet so they were eye to eye. “But you need to listen to me, okay. Jeremy is hurt so you need to be careful okay.”

   “He has oweis?” Nate asked his blue eyes, so much like his father’s, filled with worry, “Does he need mommy to go and kiss it?”

   The logic of a three-year-old was an underappreciated wonder of the world in Castle’s mind. “No, but the doctors patched him up so he’s going to be okay. He’s just sore.” Castle explained.

   “I be careful.” Nate promised and without warning burst into the hospital room causing the young couple to pull away. As he promised, Nate stopped short of the hospital bed. He bounced all the balls of his feet helplessly because he wanted on the bed only his small height prevented him from that goal. So he just bounced, “Germ-y! Daddy says you have owies but it’s okay that the doctors fixed you up.”

   “That they did.” Seeing the relief on the boy’s face helped chase the dark thoughts from Jeremy’s mind. Sometimes family was the best medicine.

   Alexis swooped up her brother before he jumped out of his shoes and placed him on her lap. “You can give him a hug.” Alexis had to tighten her grip when Nate almost lurched straight out of her arms. “Be careful of his arm.”

   As the three-year-old wrapped his tiny arms around his middle, Jeremy looked around the room at the people who had become his family and felt a pang in his heart that someone was missing. His mother should be here.

    Beckett caught his gaze and frowned upon reading his thoughts. One look to Castle told her he saw it too. Silently she asked if he had made the call to Jeremy’s mother and with a nod, he confirmed that he did. When her phone rang, Beckett hurried to find it and was a bit disappointed when she saw the number. “Sorry.” She apologized pulling it to her ear as she left the room, “Beckett.”

   “Hey, Beckett sorry to wake you-.”

   “You didn’t wake me.” Beckett interrupted. “What is it?”

   “We’ve got a body and well I figured you’d want in on this one.”

   “Why would you think that?”

   “It’s Elissa Greenstone.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

    In six years the house hadn’t changed. Beckett stepped out of the car just after the sun came up to see the lush green yard covered with emergency personnel. The fire rescue was packing up while the uniformed officers worked the yellow tape to keep the nosey neighbors from interfering. Obviously, a murder in this zip code was enough to stir the pot. Pushing up the walk, Beckett noticed that the inside was buzzing with just as much activity as outside. The Crime scene unit was combing through the foyer and stairs and she spotted a few more uniforms in the sitting room talking to the maid that had let Beckett in over six years ago.

   With all the tracks marks on the shiny tile, Beckett figured she didn’t have to worry about her heels scuffing it this time. She started up the grand staircase following the blood that was staining the polished wood. Ryan met her outside the master bedroom and judging by the look on the season detective’s face it wasn’t pretty. “What have we got?” She asked.

   Ryan stepped into the room where Lanie was already hunched over the body of Elissa Greenstone. The scene looked like it was right out of those horrible slashed films that thought the more blood meant the better the movie. Blood splattered from floor to ceiling on every wall and the white carpet where the victim laid was soaked with blood that leaked out from her body. “The maid found her like this just about an hour ago.” Ryan carefully stepped around the body.

   Beckett squatted down beside the ME frowning at the frozen terror on Elissa’s face. Her heart always ached for every victim but sometimes there were a few that had a heavier ache. The once polished woman was sprawled on her back, her eyes lifeless and her face frozen in horror. Beckett hasn’t seen the woman in six years since the final day of Grey’s trail. The older woman had always sat in the back corner, her face always stoic of emotions when they detailed the horrible crimes of her son. When they rendered him guilty she took off without a word to anyone and faded into the world. A few weeks later a letter without a return address showed up on the doorsteps of her son’s victims. There was no note or offers of excuse just loads of cash. Every single one of them had thrown it away. This woman on the floor was a shadow of the one all those years ago. She finally looked her age and then some.

   What a horrible ending to this tragic life, Beckett silently mused as she forced her mind to deal with the matter at hand. “What happened?”

   “Well from judging by all the blood-.” Lanie gestured to the blood splatters on the pale-colored walls. “The cause of death will most likely be exsanguination. So far I’ve counted a dozen stab wounds to her abdomen, throat, and chest.”

   “That would do it.” Beckett frowned. A few stab wounds were common, but this many was overkill. “That’s a lot of rage. Any sign of forced entry?”

   Esposito entered into the room with the answer, “The alarm was deactivated. The maid said that she set it herself before leaving for the night and since Mrs. Greenstone couldn’t drive there would be no reason for her to deactivate it.” He flipped through his notepad, “The system also logs in which door is opened at what time. The last time it was opened was around midnight and it was the front door.”

   “So the killer either knew the code or knew the victim.” Beckett looked to the ME, “Can you give a time a death?”

   “I’m putting the time of between midnight and two in the morning.” It was as good as she could do until she got the victim back to the morgue. Lanie handed over a bagged eight-inch blade that was coated with the victim’s blood. “Dusted for prints, but nothing so far.”

  “You can see where the killer was standing by the interruption of the blood splatter.” Ryan pointed out the untouched portion of the wall. “So you know there was a blood transfer.”

   That would be the reason while there was blood all the way downstairs. Beckett wondered if they would be so lucky to find not all the blood belonged to the victim. “Anything missing?” The room itself as in order, minus the blood of course.

   “CSU is going over the place.” Ryan informed, “But the office downstairs was trashed. The computer was gone and the safe was open. The killer left quite a few things of value. I mean there’s a jewelry box on her nightstand with a cool million in it of diamonds.”

    “We need to find what was in that safe.” Beckett gave Elissa one last look before stretching to her full height. “Lanie let me know if you find anything else.”

   The two male detectives met the Lieutenant at the door with grim expressions. Ryan was the one who raised a single question, “Who is going to tell Grey?”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   Beckett took that responsibility. Two hours later she was relieving herself of her weapon and signing herself into see Grey for the first time in six years. A part of her asked her again for the hundredth time why she was here. Informing him could have been just as easily done by a simple phone call. Yet here she was seated in an isolated room waiting for Grey. After what seemed like a lifetime, the door pushed open and Beckett’s spine stiffened. Grey shuffled into the room, his hands bound in front of him and hooked to his feet, with that same arrogant smile on his face he wore the first time she questioned him.

   “Detective Beckett. No wait-.” He plopped down in the chair across the table from her. His hair was longer and a bit grayed. His eyes still shining with a sickening glint as it tracked over her body. “It’s Lieutenant now isn’t it.”

   “I didn’t come here to catch up, Grey.” Truthfully she shouldn’t be here in the first place. This was a really bad idea. She glanced at the guard that stood watch at the door and realized that she wouldn’t be able to back out now. “I’ve come on official business.”

   “Oh sounds important.” Grey’s lips curved into a smile, “its okay Lieutenant Beckett I know you just wanted to see me after all this time. I’ve got to say that the years have been good to you.”

   Years of training kept her from shivering in disgust. Just get it done and get out. “I regret to inform you that your mother was murdered earlier this morning.” Nothing. He didn’t even blink. Well, this had been a waste of time and a half. Was that why she wanted to come and tell him in person? To see if the monster had an ounce of humanity in him? She got her answer by his blank stare.

   After several long tense moments, Grey finally spoke, “I’m sorry, is this the part where I break down and cry?”

   “She was your mother.”

   “The bitch sold me out to you.” Grey leaned forward, the metal of his cuffs clinging against the stop of the table. “Her only son and she gave you everything needed to put me away. So excuse me if I don’t shed a few tears for the old bat. But it got you here so I guess that’s something.” His gaze flickered to her folded hands, “I see you’re married now.”

   Beckett flinched. This was a very bad idea.

   “Did that writer make an honest woman out of you? I know he had such a hard-on for you.”

   Beckett curled her fingers, twisting to hide the rings on her finger. To keep herself under control, she stroked her thumb over the cool metal and pushed to her feet. “Enjoy your meaningless life, Mr. Greenstone.”

   “How about you send a picture to keep me warm at night.” A grin broke across his face when her shoulders tensed. “Or better yet how about one of the beautiful stepdaughter of yours. From what I’ve seen the girl as really grown up nicely. Nice full-.”

   It happened before she could talk sense into herself. Beckett hooked her foot on the chain under the table and yanked. The force had Grey’s head bouncing off the metal table so hard she heard a satisfying crack of his nose. The guard stood by looking at a crack on the wall as if held all the secrets of the universe. Smiling, Beckett watched Grey bring his hands up to catch the blood. “Now that’s two Castle women who’ve broken your nose.” She lowered her head so they were eye level, “Remember that and have fun explaining that to your cell mates.”

   Greys’ laughter stopped the lieutenant inches from the door, “You think you’re so high and mighty, don’t you. You’ve got a new shiny badge and think that you stand above the rest. You think that shield and this cell will keep me out of your life, but you’re wrong Kate.”

   Beckett did her best to ignore the chill working up her spine, “Let me out.” She softly commanded the guard who looked at her with a large amount of pride.

  “You think you’re safe. That he will keep you safe.” He stood and watched her hand go to her hip and twitching when she realized her gun wasn’t there. “So go home to your husband and that son of yours. By the way, Nathan is such a lovely name. Glad to see he got his father’s eyes.”

   It took every ounce of willpower not to march across the room and beat him until he told her how he knew that. Being in prison didn’t mean that you were cut off completely from the world and her family was occasionally in the press. But they had been really careful when it came to Nate.  His name had been given at the time of his birth and was mentioned in words only when Castle’s new book was published or if they were at a public event. Never did they allow any media outlets publish her son’s photo. Squaring her shoulder, Beckett nodded her goodbye to the guard and casually fled with one purpose. To make sure her family was all right.


	2. 10 AM Panic Attack

   By the time Beckett pulled up to the loft she knew without a doubt that her son was safe and sounds on the floors above. She felt foolish now for calling to the station to tell the boys that she would be taking a little detour to home sighting her lack of sleep. They knew different and assured her that they would cover for her with Gates.  Grey’s words still haunted her and Beckett wished she was strong enough to let them just roll off and go back to work. She wasn’t.

   Beckett unlocked the door, entered, and quickly locked it behind her. She even threw the deadbolt. The living room and kitchen were empty causing alarms to go off in her head. It was barely ten in the morning both father and son should be wreaking havoc. Then she thought of how tired they would have been thanks to the nightmares and early morning visit to the hospital. Knowing her mind wouldn’t be at ease until she saw Nate, Beckett started up the stairs.

   Finding the bedroom door open, Beckett silently slipped inside to see her three and a half-year-old son sprawled on his back snoring lightly. One of his arms was thrown over his eyes and his legs were massively tanged in the Mets sheet he had tried to kick off during his slumber. A perfect match to how his father slept. Now Beckett felt foolish for letting that bastard get to her. Nate was safe. The house was locked and the building was hard to get into. Plus he had a cop for a mother and a father who would do anything to keep him safe. There was no way Grey could do to touch them.

   Stupid, stupid, stupid. Scooping up her son’s beloved green dragon that had been carelessly dropped on the floor, she sat in the rocking chair beside her son’s bed. God, she was so tired. The events of last night and this morning were catching up to her making it hard for Beckett to keep her eyes open. Sleep deprivation! Yeah, that’s what she was going to chalk this up. If she wasn’t so damn tired then she would have been able to put her wall up and never allow Grey to get to her.  

    Rubbing a towel over his damp hair, Castle padded across the living room in just his jeans. Out of habit, he glanced at the front door to make sure it was locked and paused halfway from sitting on the couch. The deadbolt was latched. He remembered coming home balancing his drowsy son and locking the bottom lock because his daughter and Jeremy were going to stop by once released from the hospital. Looking around the loft for signs of them, he noticed his son’s bedroom door was open.

   With several worse case scenarios running through his writer's brain, Castle took two steps at a time until he was in Nate’s open doorway. His shoulder relaxed and his heart softened at the sight of his wife dozing in the chair at their son’s bedside holding his beloved dragon. It was such a sight that he couldn’t resist fishing out his phone from his pocket to snap a picture. The soft click of the shutter was enough to cause Beckett to stir. Smiling, he leaned against the door frame and watched her shake the sleep from her eyes. “Hey.”

   She smiled, that million dollar smile that could turn the writer into a puddle, and replied, “Hey yourself.”

   The smile didn’t ease the line of worry etched on her brow. He crossed the room and knelt in front of her. “What’s wrong?”

   It seemed so stupid to have let Grey stir her up. So Beckett just lets it go for now. “Just been a long night.” She ran her fingers over the growth on his chin, “You’re looking ruggedly handsome there Mr. Castle.”

   His face lit up, “Why thank you, Mrs. Castle. C’mon lets ’s get out of here before the monster awakes. He was a bear to get to bed.”

   She took the hand he offered, allowed him to pull her to her feet, and rewarded him with a kiss that left her seeing stars. That was something she would never grow tired of. After six years of marriage, Beckett was waiting for that spark that hunger for him to die down but it never did. Smiling, Beckett brushed her nose against his before turning to drop a soft kiss on her son’s brow. It seemed like every time she blinked it seemed the boy grew leaps and bounds. Her job had made her miss this first time he stood up, his first words, which had been ‘dragon’ much to Castle’s amusement, and a half dozen other moments. Beckett wondered how many other things she would miss. “We are going to need a bigger bed before we know it.” Carefully, she untangled the Mets sheet and recovered Nate. He maybe had a half a foot left before his feet would hang over the edge. He was going to be a tall one that’s for sure.

   Her gloomy mood fluttered away when Castle’s arms came around her waist from behind. She leaned against his chest, “Do you want another one?”

   “Another bed.” Castle perched his chin on her shoulder pleased to see her smiling. Having more children wasn’t something they really talked about. Not after the loss of the first baby. They decided then that if they had children they did and if they didn’t well there were other options like adoption. After a few false positives and another heartbreaking miscarriage, Nathan came along. “I think the world can handle another mini Castle. Or two.” Castle nuzzled her neck as they shuffled out of the bedroom. “Maybe three.”

  “Three?” Beckett looked back. One seemed like that’s all they were going to get. When Nate was a year she found herself pregnant but just like the first it had ended in a miscarriage. Since then they really hadn’t talked about more children because she didn’t want to go through the heartache again. Twice was just too much. But this was one of those rare times where the horrible past didn’t matter. For a few moments, they could be just a normal couple discuss the future. “How many kids do you plan to have?”

   “A basketball teams worth. Maybe a baseball team.” The thought made the writer smile, “We can call it Team Caskett.”

   Her nose wrinkled at the name, “that’s terrible.”

   “What it fits up so perfectly. The writer and the cop.” He twirled her around, “When do you have to be back?”

   Her lips curved at the suggestion in his voice, “Well I told the boys I was going to take an hour or so. When are Alexis and Jeremy coming?”

   “Not sure maybe an hour.”

   “Well then.” Beckett linked her arms around her husband’s neck Grey’s words completely forgotten. “Why don’t try and give Nate a teammate.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o00o0

   He’d gone blind or maybe he was dead. Castle figured it wasn’t such a bad way to go. Death by mind-blowing sex was something he could live with. Once he could string two thoughts together he came to the conclusion that he would live to see another day. “Not that I’m complaining.” He managed to turn on his side. “What caused this impromptu visit?”

   “Well, I planned on a nap.” Beckett blew her hair from her eyes since she couldn’t seem to move at the moment. “But I liked this plan better.”

   That didn’t sound right. Beckett was built to run on as little sleep as possible thanks to her many years on the force and being a mother. No something had prompted her to come home and Castle had a hunch what it might have been. “You went to the prison didn’t you? To tell him.”

   Beckett sighed. There was no really hiding anything from him even if she wanted to. “I wanted to see his reaction. I wanted-.” She held up a hand and made useless motions when the words didn’t come out.

   Thankfully she didn’t have to see he did know her so well. “You wanted to see if he was remotely human. What did he say?”

   “Before or after I broke his nose.” Beckett cracked open to see his head popped up wearing an expression mixed with surprise. She shouldn’t have done it, should have had the control, but damn It, it had felt good. Plus the bastard deserved it after everything he did.

   After fighting it for a few moments a smile broke out across his face, “You broke his nose?”

   Beckett just shrugged, “He was running his mouth.”

   “The guard didn’t report you?”

   “I think he silently applauded me to perfectly honest.”

   Placing his hand on her cheek, he forced her to look at him, “Talk to me, Kate.”

   “He said things about Alexis. About Nathan.” She felt him stiffen. “He said that we couldn’t protect our family from the monsters.”

   Though his insides were twisting, Castle kept his voice clear and his face stoic. “He’s in jail KB. He can do nothing to us. He’s out of our lives.”

   “Why doesn’t it feel like it? Alexis still looks over her should as if she expecting Grey to be around the corner.” Castle’s face softened and she knew he had noticed it too. Of course, he had, he was a writer and caught every detail. Letting out a long groan, Beckett tosseled her hair and pushed into a sitting position. “All right I’m dropping it. You’re right he’s out of our lives. Now I’m going to shower and solve a murder.”

   “Now that’s my girl.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   Beckett made it back to the station just before noon. The boys had been hard at work setting up the murder board and were busy on the phone. Waving a hello, she shrugged out of her jacket and took a seat behind her desk to wait.

  “So Beckett.”

   The woman in question tensed at the sound of the captain’s voice. Beckett’s gaze whirled around the room trying to find an escape of a distraction. Damn it where was Castle when she needed him. Gates reached her desk before Beckett could make a break for it. “Good afternoon, Sir.”

   “I just got an interesting phone call.” Gates crossed her arms over her chest with her glasses twirling in her fingers. The Lieutenant squirmed in her seat tucking a stray lock of her hair behind her ear and Gates had to bite the inside of her cheek to her from smiling. “The warden called wondering how one of his inmates ended up in the infirmary with a broken nose after talking to one of my people.”

   Beckett flushed. She felt like a kid in the damn principal’s office. “Umm about that.”

   “Mr. Greenstone told the nurse that he tripped and the guard backs it up.” Gates leaned against the desk, “But the warden isn’t convinced. I told him an officer under my command would be nothing but professional while engaging with an inmate.”

   She was giving her a way out. Beckett felt the tension ease from her shoulders. It had taken them a while to find common ground. There had been lots of locking horns, disobeying orders, and punishment. But finally, the two women trusted each other. Had each other’s back even now when she had done something so stupid. Beckett now saw the woman in an equal light as she did with Montgomery. “You know how hard it is to walk in full chains.”

   “Right.” Gates glared at her before her gaze softened. “Don’t let it happen again.”

   “Of course sir.”

   “How is Officer Dunn?”

   “Recovering quite nicely at the loft. Painkillers.” Beckett said in way of explaining.

   “Recovering?” This came from Ryan who was the first to get off the phone. “What happened?”

   “Jeremy was involved in a shootout earlier this morning.” Beckett felt bad that in all the commotion of the day she didn’t inform the boys. They had taken the rookie under their wings and were fiercely protective of him. Together they all had kept an eye out while Jeremy gained his footing with the department. “One clipped him in the bicep it was a clean shot and the other grazed his leg. They said he would be able to return to week in a couple of weeks.”

   Ryan paled, “How did Alexis take it?”

   “As well as expected.” It was his mother who could have reacted better. Beckett still didn’t know the whole story. Just that they arrived at the loft and Jeremy looked ten times worse than he did at the hospital. From what she gathered from her stepdaughter, Sarah had reacted badly. Heat words were thrown around in the ER and Sarah had even overstepped by calling her son a failure as a cop.  Alexis had mentioned his mother had even said his father would be ashamed. “Maybe you, Jenny, and the boys can come over for dinner? I think he needs all the distraction he can get right now.”

   “Of course.”

   “Now.” Switching gears, Beckett gestured to the murder board, “What have we got so far?”

   “Well as we suspected the cause of death was blood loss. One of the stab wounds had nicked an artery in her thigh. She bled out in minutes.” Ryan took a seat in Castle’s usual chair once the captain made her way back to her office. “The maid said that the victim basically lived the life of a hermit. She didn’t leave the house much maybe a few times a month.”

   Beckett took the ME’s report that he offered and skimmed through it. “She had cancer?”

   “Stage four breast cancer. She stopped doing chemo over a month ago and hired an in-home caretaker about two weeks ago..”

   “We have a name?”

   Ryan flipped through his small notepad, “The maid said his name was Parker Andrews and was hired by a temp agency. The contract was given out by Homecare Medical. Apparently, he was given a key and the alarm in case the victim couldn’t answer the door.”

   “Did you run his name? Get an address?” By the look on his face, he had and Beckett were already on her feet slipping on her jacket.

   “All right thanks.” Hanging up the phone, Esposito was on his feet. “That was Homecare Medical and Parker Andrews didn’t check in today. All temp employees are supposed to check in and send reports on their charges twice a day. He missed his morning call.”

   “Let’s go.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   Beckett bounded her closed fist on the door for the third time. “Parker Andrews NYPD open the door.” Once again they were greeted with silence.  They had no cause to break open the door even though they three officers were itching to get inside.

   The super jiggled his keys until he found the right one, “Here.” The door swung open and they were met with an eerie silence.

   Beckett’s weapon was in her hands, “Stay here.” She told the super and looked to the two detectives, their weapons out and ready. With a nod, the trio entered the apartment with their guns poised forward and their gazes sweeping the open living room. There was a mount of old take out on the coffee table and beer bottles littered the floor.

   There was a musky smell in the air told Beckett that who ever lived her hadn’t put much effort in cleaning. But there was something else. A ting of a pungent smell that could only belong to death lingered. “Bedroom.” She gestured with her weapon and Esposito was on her six sweeping the room as they went. Outside the door, they took a position on either side while Ryan stayed just around the corner in case they needed back up. “Okay one. Two.”

   On three the Hispanic detective kicked the door open going in high while Beckett went in low. After a few moments of taking in the room, Esposito relaxed, “clear.”

   Beckett had taken the bathroom and came up short when she pulled back the shower current. “In here.” Covering her mouth to block the stench, she pulled out her phone. They had found Parker Andrew all right. But judging by decomp on his body he had been dead for some time.

   “What is he covered in?” Ryan asked inching closer to the tub. The decomposing body was sitting in what looked like colored grits of sand. 

   “Kitty litter.” Esposito supplied his nose scrunching up in disgust, “Helps mask the smell.”

   “He’s been here awhile.”

   “Yet someone was living in his apartment and assuming his identity.” Beckett hung up her phone. “The question is why and who.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   A half an hour later and the apartment was crawling with CSU. Beckett had them collected some of the discarded beer bottles hoping that whoever had been posing as Parker would have left prints. The question going through her mind was why someone who want to take over this man’s life. It wasn’t a glamorous one. He was basically a glorified baby sister, spending most of his days picking up after elderly people who were just waiting to die.  Going through his very plan apartment, she didn’t find anything of real value. The most expensive thing Parker owned was a PS3 and a flat screen tv. Both that had seen a lot of use recently.

   Ryan walked out from the kitchen flipping through a large stack of mail with gloved hands. “Mail is here is about two weeks old. Talked to the neighbors too and they said they haven’t seen much of Parker in that time frame.  I mean they heard him come and go but it was usually at odd hours. Whoever was taking over Parker’s life did that to remain unseen.”

   “It’s safe to say that Parker wasn’t the real target.” Beckett picked up a photo of their latest victim. The man was in his mid-forties with a half of head of hair and weighed close to two hundred pounds.

   “You think Elissa was?”

   “Why not? She was closing in on death, had no relatives, and had quite a bit of money. Espo.” Struck with a thought, Beckett turned to the detective in question. “I want to keep a tap on Elissa’s bank account and monitor it for any withdrawals.”

   “Shouldn’t we just freeze the account?” He asked as was normal protocol.

   “No he might try to use it and if he does we can find him.” Right now it was the best. They didn’t even know what this imposter Parker looked like or even his real name so they had nothing else to go on. Hopefully, the man would slip up. “I want to talk to the maid and see if she can give us a description.”

0o0o0o0o0o00o0o

   Tired, Beckett settled in the break room with a full cup of coffee and her notepad. Across the table sat the Hispanic maid that had greeted her at the front door almost seven years ago. She didn’t look so glamours anymore, Beckett mused, so full of herself. “Miss Fernandez.”

   “Call me Leola.” The woman spoke in a soft broken voice.

   Beckett watched the woman push around the stirrer in her coffee absently and it hit her that she was grieving. Elissa must have been more than just a simple boss to Leola. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

   “She was a good woman. No one will remember that.” There was so much sadness in her voice. “All she will be remembered for is raising a monster.  Does he know?”

   “I went to the prison today to inform him.”

   “He didn’t care did he?” Leola saw the answer on the lieutenant’s face. “He blamed her. After all the pain he caused he blamed her. “

   “How long have you worked for Mrs. Greenstone?” Beckett asked trying to get the line of conversation back on track.

   “For twenty years. My mother worked for her and her family before that. She really was a kind lady. That husband of hers was another story.”

   “He abused her and her son?”

   “He hardly touched the boy.”

   “When I talked to her she had told me that he had made sure that no staff was around. How did you know?” Beckett wondered.

   “Elissa confided in my mother than me when she passed. A lot of staff came and went.”

  “What do you mean?”

   “Mr. Greenstone’ temper would spill over. Could be one of the ground keeps cut the grass wrong, or the cook burnt his meal. Every incident would be paid off my Elissa. The women that he would force himself onto would be set up for life on the other side of the state.” Leola report casting her eyes down in shame. She should have been strong enough to call the police. To stop the violence that when on in the house, but Elissa had begged her for confidence. “She was such a proud woman.”

   “The man you know as Parker Andrews was an imposter.” Beckett slid the photo that she took from the apartment across the table. “The real Parker Andrews was killed two weeks ago after the contracted had already been sent. “

   “Why would anyone do that?”

   “The real target was Mrs. Greenstone. She was elderly, alone, and wealthy all things that make a perfect target for a con. Did anyone know that she was sick?”

   Leola took a moment to think, “No. I mean her lawyer knew because she had drafted up a will. She had lost contact with anyone who was a friend after her son was convicted. Her life has been very lonely over the last several years.  The only people she saw were those who worked around the house.”

   “I’m going to need a list of names.”

   “Of course.”

   “Leola do you know what was in the safe? The office was the only room in the entire house that was ransacked.”

   “There was her will and some deeds to the properties she owned.” Leola swirled her cup around, “There was quite a bit of money in there. Elissa suddenly had a fear of banks and didn’t trust them with her money.  It was because of Parker actually or whoever he. He fed in to her delusions.”

   Beckett made a note to check recent withdrawals to see if she could get an amount. “Anything else.”

   “Family jewelry, pictures, and just useless papers.”

   “What was on the computer?”

   “I don’t know.” Leola frowned, “I’m sorry.”

   “Do you think if I put you up with sketch artist you might be able to give me a description of the man posing as Parker?”

   “I can do better than that.” Leola fished out her phone from her purse, scrolled for a few moments, and then handed over a picture of their suspect.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   Beckett posted the picture on to the murder board under suspect. He was handsome, maybe in his early thirties with a smile that was dazzling. His red hair was shaggy and his blue eyes gentle.  He looked harmless, but she knew from experience it was the harmless ones that you had to worry about. “CSU has a few prints off one of the beer bottles at the apartment. Hopeful,ly something will pop.” She looked to the boys, “What about her bank?”

   “No withdrawals since her death.” Esposito handed her a print out of the statement. “Looks like our victim was making daily withdrawals in the amounts fifty K. “

   “That adds up to nearly a million dollars.” That was a good looking motive, “Add in the jewelry the maid said was in there adds up to a couple million I say that our murderer made out pretty good.  But it doesn’t explain taking the computer or the other things in the safe.”

   “The money is the oldest motive in the book, Becks.”

   “I know but there was other way to con it out of Elissa. Why go through the trouble of killing a man and taking over his life.” There was something here they weren’t seeing. Something that was going to bug her until she figured it out.

   “Well we got his face out and we are running his prints. We aren’t going to figure this out tonight.”

   “You’re right.” Beckett filed the statement away and started gathering her thing. “Dinner is in an hour so make sure you stop by the morgue and pick up your wife. I don’t want have to hear her bitch how she wasn’t invited.”

   Esposito grinned as he flexed his hand holding the gold band. Even a year after mirage it still was a jolt every now and again to find it there. Tying the knot was something he swore he never was going to do. “Need us to bring anything.”

   “Just don’t mention Sara.” Beckett warned with a frown.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o

    The loft was full of chaos. Nate was running like a wild child with the Ryan twins as his partners in crime. Aidan and Patrick were a year older then Nate, but had no problem letting him take point. It meant they got in less trouble whenever they did something they weren’t supposed to do.  Dodging the horde of children, Beckett laid out a new bowel of chips on the poker before passing out a round of beer to the guys. It was good to see Jeremy smiling even it was strained. “A coke for you mister.” She handed the open can to the injured cop. “I hope you aren’t going easy on them.”

   “Nah.” To prove his point, Jeremy threw a few chips into the pot and waited for the rest of the men to check their cards to see if they wanted to fold or match his bet. He was pretty sure that they were actually going easy on him, especially Castle who had folded more times than he usually did. It should bother him only he knew that everyone in the room was doing everything they could to keep his mind preoccupied. Jeremy was grateful for it because he knew when it was time to dream it wouldn’t be pleasant.

   Castle snagged his wife by the waist and pulled her onto his lap, “Want to join?”

   “And wipe the floor with all of you.” Smiling, she touched her lips to his, “No. Plus I have a pregnant woman who is chewing my ear off about nursery ideas. Her sons are convinced that it needs to be Doctor Who themed thanks to our son.”

   “Actually I think that would be thanks to you and Germ-y.” Castle defended using his son’s way of speaking.

   “You’re the one who bought him the sonic screwdriver.” Beckett reminded turning just to see her son sailing over the couch holding said toy. She cringed when Nate hit the ground with enough force to rattle the lamp on the table. Thankfully he was too wrapped up playing it didn’t faze him. “I think it’s time to put on a movie to see if we can get them to settle down.”

   “Movie.” Nate hopped up from the floor with an eager expression on his face. “Can we watch Star Wars?”

   The twins seemed to agree as they both stopped what they were doing to agree. “Episode Five!” Patrick begged.

   His brother had another idea, “Episode three! It has the best light saber battle.”

   “Not uh!” Patrick shoved Aidan in protest. “Five is better.”

   “Five is stupid.” Aidan retorted pushing back hard enough to send his brother tumbling over a discarded toy.

   Patrick’s lower lips trembled, “Dad Aidan pushed me!”

   “He pushed me first!”

   “Boys.” Softly apologizing, Ryan left the poker table to break up the fight that was about to break out. Jenny took a hold of the youngest while he picked up Patrick. “What did we tell you about shoving each other?”

   “But Dad Aidan said stupid.” Patrick argued shoving his blonde hair from his blue eyes. “Stupid is a bad word.”

   “That didn’t mean you can push him.” Jenny softly explained awkwardly picking up Aidan due to her swollen stomach. “Now so we need to put you in time out or can you keep your hands to yourselves?”

   The twins looked at each other for a moment before nodding.

   Smiling at the scene, Castle looked at the young man across the table, “So Jeremy when are you going to marry my daughter and give me grandchildren.”

   The coke that Jeremy had been drinking came spurting out of his mouth and all over Esposito. Coughing, he waved an apology while trying to gain the ability to speak. “What?”

   “Rick.” Beckett gave her husband a swift smack on the back of the head. “Leave him alone.”

  “I umm think I left something.” Jeremy pointed absently over his shoulder, “Over there.” And just like th,at he fled the poker table to the safety of the kitchen.

   “Rick.”

   “What.” Castle just shrugged and gathered the cards. “They’ve been dating for a while now.”

   “And Alexis is still going to college.” Beckett explained. “Don’t push them into something they’re not ready for.”

   “Okay then.” Castle’s gazed turned to the other detective at the table. “When are you and Lanie going to add to the chaos?”

   The mention of children usually sent Esposito running for the hills. Now it didn’t seem like such a scary thought. “I don’t know.” He raised his beer to his lip, “Maybe someday soon.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   Tired, Jeremy escaped the laughter and conversation by slipping up the stairs to the spare bedroom. It was the first time he was alone since the shooting. Thinking about it had him sliding down against the wall with his stomach churning. He could still smell the blood. Sti,ll hear the man’s voice.

   _“Put the gun down!” Jeremy’s gun wavered as he took his stand. His suspect held the frantic women in his arms with the barrel of a gun pressed to her temple. His insides were jumping with nerves and his throat tightened. Stay focused. Jeremy chanted in his mind. Remember your training and you can do this. “I said put the gun down and let her go.”_

_“Let her go.” The Gunman scuffed and tightened his hold. “I do that and you shoot me.”_

_“Look she’s hurt and needs medical attention.” The hostage was barley twenty, her clothes had been torn, and there was blood. Lots of it. Some seeping out from a large gash on her forehead and more staining her pants. Jeremy felt guilty that they had arrived too late to stop her from being violated. It made him think of what could have happened to Alexis all those years ago._

_“Just let me walk away.”_

_“You know I can’t do that.” His arm was burning from the bullet and he was vaguely away of something warm flowing on to his hand. It made it hard to keep a grip on his weapon. His gaze flickered down to see it was blood. Was he shot? Oh g,od he was! The bastard had shot him. Twice! Don’t think about it! Don’t think about it! Thinking about the situation at hand, Jeremy looked for an opening._

_He didn’t know how it happened. Maybe the woman saw him searching or the gunman had made a move to shoot again. It just happened so fast. The woman twisted away, the gunman lifted the in his direction, and Jeremy fired two rounds. They impacted the target and sent him sprawling onto the concrete. Working on pure instinct, Jeremy kicked the weapon from the man’s hand and dropped to his knees. The bullets had caught him square in the chest. Jeremy froze when the man used the gunman grasped his shirt and he watched helplessly as the light left his eyes._

“Jeremy?” Alexis pushed her way into the darken room in search for her boyfriend.

  “Down here.” Jeremy waved his hand from the far corner of the room.

   “Want the light on?”

   “No.”

   “Okay.” Alexis sat down, pulling her knees to her chest, and rested her head on her knees. She wanted to ask what was wrong and why he was hiding in the dark. But she didn’t because she didn’t want to push.

   Jeremy gazed at his hand as if it still was coated in blood. “I did CPR until the paramedics arrived. They had to pull me away from him. I didn’t.” His throat clogged with emotions and waved it away. He took a life. There was nothing he could do about so there was no point in dwelling. He would just lock it away. “Did I tell you that your parents are amazing?”

   Alexis frowned at the change of conversation. “Yeah, they’re something else.” She agreed going with it hoping when he wanted to talk he would turn to her.

   “I never told them how grateful I was that they came.” Jeremy’s mind shifted to his mother causing his heart to ache. Her words had cut deep. He knew that she didn’t want him to be a cop, didn’t want to go through the pain she went through when his father died. “I’m sorry about what my mom said about you.”

   “She didn’t mean it,” Alexis tried to explain. After Sara had given Jeremy a good thrashing she had turned her anger on her. On her family focusing on Beckett. Saying he only became a cop because he had so infatuation with Beckett. That she and her writer brain washed him into becoming a cop.  “Give it a couple days.”

   “Yeah.” Jeremy mindlessly fiddled with the strap of his sling.

   “Come on let’s go home.”

    After everyone had left, Castle carried his sleeping son up the stairs. Beckett was already inside turning down the bed and switching on the light sabers that hung on the wall that doubled as a night light. Castle carefully laid Nate down and took the sonic screw drive he still held in his small hand. “I told you it was a bad idea to let him start watching that show.”

   “Bad idea? This coming from the man who tells him stories that gives him nightmares.” Beckett tucked the worn dragon under Nate’s arms. “He’s going to be upset that he didn’t get to say goodbye to Alexis and Jeremy.”

   “He didn’t want to wake him.” Castle tucked his son in, kissed him good night, and then cracked the door on the way out. “Do you think he’s going to be all right?”

   “I think Nate will get over it. It’s not he doesn’t see them every day.” Beckett laughed starting down the stairs.

   “I mean Jeremy. When he came back down he looked so haunted.”

   “I don’t think what his mother said helped matters. It’s going to be hard I mean getting shot is one thing, but taken a life is something else.” Beckett knew both from experience. “He is a strong kid.”

  


	3. 3 AM Nightmare

    She was dreaming. She knew that yet Beckett couldn’t find a way to wake herself up. She was standing at the podium looking over Montgomery’s casket and the sea of people that came to bid him farewell.  Panic arose as she looked at Castle knowing what was to come next. There was a loud crack of a bullet leaving the gun and she was falling under Castle’s weight.  The air left her lungs when she hit the ground only it wasn’t Castle on top of her. She was in a dark alley now with Grey with one hand around her neck and the other holding a knife ready to strike. Beckett tried to claw her way free but her limbs had turned to lead. She couldn’t move, paralyzed with fear as the air was leaving her lungs at an alarming rate.

   “This is much better, detective.” A sly smile crossed Grey’s face, “I mean lieutenant.”

   Her vision was beginning to go black around the edges. Just a dream. Just a dream. She kept chanting the words willing herself to wake up. When the blade pressed to her neck felt all too real Beckett began to panic.

  Castle awoke to his wife’s trashing and screaming in the bed beside him. Instantly he was awake and sitting up trying to wake her from her fitful slumber. “Kate wake up.” Her hands where flaring about around her throat as if she couldn’t breathe so he tried to pry them away. That proved to be a big mistake. Beckett twisted her body, her legs catching him around his middle and did her best to throw him off her. This had to be a bad one. Usually, she would wake up the moment he touched her. “Kate it’s a dream wake up.” Hovering over her, Castle placed a soothing hand on her cheek, “It’s a dream. Come back to me. Follow my voice.”

   Her breathing coming in hopeless gasps, Beckett’s eyes shot open still stuck between dream and reality. “I can’t breathe.” She sobbed struggling to take in air.

   “Yes, you can.” Castle soothed running a calming hand down over her hair. “You’re fine honey. You’re safe and in your bed.”

   Her hands curled on his shirt, “I can’t- I can’t-.”

   “Look at me,” Castle commanded in the gentle tone he used to coax his son to do things he didn’t want to do.  He kept stroking her hair until her hazel eyes began to focus. “See.” He smiled, “You’re safe.”

   “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Beckett buried her face in his neck trying o control her erratic breathing. The scar that branded her chest ached and burned as if the bullet that hit her in the dream had been real.

   “Talk to me.” He tried to remember the last time Beckett had a nightmare. They had tapered off around the time Nathan had been born.

   “It was all jumbled.” She pressed a hand to her throbbing temple. “He was there in that alley?”

   “Who?” Castle had a guess but he wasn’t sure which he was talking about. Every so often she would have dreams of the night they took down Bracken, but those really only came around her mother’s birthday.   

   Her heart was racing so fast she couldn’t even hear her own voice say Grey’s name. Damn it that man had haunted her dreams for a year or two after the whole ordeal, but she had fought them. Beaten them. Now after all this time they came flooding back. “I couldn’t move. He was on top of me choking me. He pulled a knifed.” Her fingertips skimmed over the faint scar Grey left on her neck. Most days it blended in so well with her skin that Beckett never gave it a thought. The one Grey left on her abdomen was more prominent. It was nights like this that she would feel the weight of the brand and the memories of nearly losing her life in some dark alley just like her mother.

   “It was just a dream.” Castle rocked her, “He’s locked up.”

   “Mommy.”

   Beckett pulled away to find her son in his star wars footy pajamas hugging his beloved green dragon to his chest. She knew he was frightened by the way he chewed on his bottom lip, “Hey sweetie.”

   Cautiously, Nathan stepped over the threshold, “I heard mommy screaming. Sound like someone was hurting her.”

   “No buddy, mommy just had a bad dream.” Giving his wife time to compose herself, Castle slipped out of bed to kneel in front of his son.

   “Like me?” Nathan asked still unsure of what was going on.

   “Yeah.”

   He turned his blue to Castle and asked with a sober expression, “Did you tell scary story before bed?”

   The knot in her chest loosened as Beckett laughed. Sometimes children were the best medicine.  “No, it wasn’t his fault.”

   “Are you okay now?” Nathan wondered. “Did daddy chase away the monster?”

   “Of course he did. He always does.” Something that Beckett was grateful for every day.

   Castle beamed, “So you think you can get back to bed? Be a big boy?”

   Beckett watched him hesitate and offered him a way out, “I think that I might need some extra protection. You think you and Mr. Drake up for the task.” She smiled when he nodded, his mop of brown hair falling in his eyes. Beckett positioned herself back on her side of the bed and beckoned him, “Come on.”

   Castle watched his son clumsily climb into the bed and settled next to his mother. They had broken the habit of letting Nathan sleep with them just only a few months ago, but Castle couldn’t bring himself to argue. Not when Beckett was still three shades of pale. “Make room for me,” Castle warned sliding in on the other side of their son. Beckett squeezed in tight enough to squish Nathan tight between them causing him to squirm with laughter. Smiling, Castle let himself drown in it hoping it would replace the sounds of his wife’s terrified screams.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

      The next day, Beckett found herself driving down to the IAB building in hope to give Jeremy some support. The prints still hadn’t come back and Beckett couldn’t stand sitting behind her desk looking at the murder board helpless. She did that all day yesterday and only came away frustrated. There was nothing new to go on. Spotting Jeremy’s partner, Beckett tucked her scarf tighter around her next to cover the scar that seemed more noticeable since the nightmare and started across the street.

   Adam spotted her and gave her a wave, “Morning LT.”

   “How’d it go?”

   The younger man just shrugged, “As good as it could I guess.” He shuffled his blonde hair from his eyes, trying not to wince in pain.  “I got my ass handed to me, but I deserved it. I acted without thinking. I just saw how frightened she was-.”

   Beckett placed a gentle hand on the man’s shoulder, “You went on instincts and sometimes as a cop that isn’t the best thing. Other times it’s what saves you from a bullet. The first lesson of being a cop is learning to control your instincts. “

   With hunched shoulders, Adam stuffed his hands into his pockets, “It nearly got my partner killed.” The fact was just as painful as the impact from the bullet he caught in the vest. He always thought of himself of a badass cop despite being a rookie and only a year out of the academy.  Always thought he knew everything and that nothing could hurt him. That way of thinking not only nearly put him in the ground, but his partner as well.  Adam took a seat on the front step, “I’m on modified for three weeks and once cleared for active duty they’ll rethink of my assignment. Properly be a cop in a box.”

   “Take your licks and then get back up.” Beckett knew from experience that if you stayed down then there was no coming back. Adam had made a mistake, it would be the first of many, but he was a good cop. Hopefully, in time, the young officer would come to see that. “How is Jeremy?”

   “I don’t know we really didn’t get to talk to each other.” Adam frowned, “He didn’t look like himself though.”

   That worried Beckett. Jeremy was as much as her son as Nathan. She had taken him under her wing the moment she enter the academy trying to help him better than Royce had helped her. Her mentor would always hold a place in her heart and was a credit to the cop she was today, but looking back she saw the man had fueled a fire that needed to be contained.  “Listen why don’t you go home. I’ll wait for Jeremy.”

   Reluctantly, Adam agreed, “I don’t think I can look him in the face if he gets suspended for this. Just tell him. Tell him.” The young officer faltered not knowing what to say.

   “I will,” Beckett assured and watched Adam trot down the stairs to disappear into the crowd of the city.  It always amazed her how busy the city actually was. She never really took the time to sit down and enjoys the wonder that it had to offer. Being a cop, a mother, and wife left Beckett with little time for anything else.  Beckett was lucky she had someone like Castle to help her see the beauty of this place. Hopefully, after this ordeal, Jeremy wouldn’t just see the ugliness.  

   “Did Alexis send you?”

   Jeremy’s voice had Beckett’s head jerking up and frowned at the man’s appearance. He had heavy bags under his bloodshot eyes, his raven colored hair was wild, and she was pretty sure he was wearing the clothes Beckett saw him in two days ago. “No. Why would she?”

   Jeremy jerked his good shoulder but didn’t elaborate before sitting down beside her.

   “How are you feeling today?” Another stretch of silence was her answer. _Bad_ question Beckett mused pushing forward, “What did they say?”

  “I’ve been cleared of any wrongdoing. They said everything was done by the book. There was no other outcome so it was stamped a justifiable extermination.” The words were heavy and spoken with such animosity.

   Even Beckett had to cringe at the words. She hated when the IAB threw terms out like that. Taking a life, even one that belonged to a monster, wasn’t something to be taken lightly. It was something that branded a person and was something a person carried until the end of time. The only thing that helped with that burden was time. Beckett knew that one from experience.

   “He was just a kid.” Jeremy ran a shaking hand through his hair, “Eighteen years. That’s all he got.”

   “Jeremy.”

   “Because of me, that’s all he got.”

   “He raped that girl and was going to kill her.” Beckett hated justifying this, but he had to see that he had made the right call. Being a cop meant that you had to think on your feet and sometimes make that though choice of sparing a life or ending it.  Even after all these years wearing the shield, Beckett struggled from time to time with that decision. “He shot at you and your partner. What you did was the only thing that could have been done.”

   Jeremy dropped his head into his hand and fought the urge to weep. “They put me on medical leave until I clear my med and psych exam.”

   “Don’t rush it then.” Beckett wished she had the perfect words to give him to make it all better. Nothing but time and healing was going to help Jeremy get over this hurdle.  “Just focus on getting better.”

   Easier said than done, but Jeremy didn’t want to tell her that. Didn’t want her or anyone to know of the blackness taking over inside. Adjusting the strap of his sling, Jeremy pushed to his feet, “I guess I’ll go home and rest.”

   “You know you can call if you need anything, right.”

   “Yeah. Thanks, Kate.”

   Beckett frowned when he left without another word with his head down and his shoulders hunched.

0o0o0o0o0o0o

   Beckett arrived to work with a tray full of coffee and a bag of donuts. Ryan was busy at his desk with his partner nowhere in sight. “Hey.” She greeted the Irish detective with a cup and his favorite donut.

   “Thanks.” Ryan took a nice long swig of the warm liquid. “How’d it go with IAB?”

   “Adam is on modified for three weeks and Jeremy is on medical until he clears both his med and psych evaluations. They’re thinking he should be able to return to desk duty in about a week.” Beckett placed the tray and bag on the man’s desk, “Where is Espo?”

   As if on cue, the man in question came sailing into the bullpen with an almost giddy expression, “We got a hit on our mystery man’s prints.” Esposito opened the folder and stuck a new picture onto the whiteboard. The man they had been searching for was staring back at them from a prison mug shot. “His name is Drew Sun.”

   For some reason, that name gave Beckett pause. “Drew Sun?” She oped speaking the name aloud would help knock the memory lose, but no such luck.

   Esposito continued, “He was busted for assault with a deadly weapon and attempted rape about eight years ago. He was paroled two months ago and I check in with his PO. He says Drew was a model parolee until-.”

   “Two weeks ago.” Beckett finished taking the file to read herself. “He just stopped seeing his PO and going to work.”

   “He was living in a halfway house in the city,” Esposito explained. “I called and he hasn’t been around their either.”

   “Did you pull his prison records?” Ryan asked moving around the side of his desk to look over Beckett’s shoulder.

   “Yep and guess who his cellmate was.”

   Beckett felt the bottom of her stomach drop straight to her feet. For some reason, it didn’t seem like such a good thing. “You can’t be serious.” And much to her horror, Esposito pulled out the mug shot of Grey Greenstone. Nope, this just got a hell of a lot more complicated.

   “Grey became Drew’s cellmate in his second year in. Now, infirmary records show that Drew made quite a few trips there in the first several months. They wouldn’t release those records.” Epositio sadly informed.  

   Beckett looked up from the folder when the silence stretched on to find both men looking at her. It was that look they had when their collective minds were brewing up a plan she most likely wouldn’t care for. “What?”

   “There is one person that can give us the best insight of Drew.” Ryan pointed out and watched the Lt’s face drop even further.

   “For all, we know Grey was the one who put him up to it,” Beckett argued. “Plus I don’t think they’ll let me anywhere near him.”

   This peaked the boys’ interest, “Why?”

   Suddenly curious about the hem of her shirt, Beckett dropped her gaze and began to pick at it. “Well I umm might have broken his nose when I went to go see him.”

  “You broke his nose?” Pride shined through Esposito’s voice.

   “Yeah.” Beckett straightened her spine, “He started to get a bit lippy about something so I shut him up.”

   Ryan was struggling not to smile, “Does Gates know?”

   Her lips curved and nodded, “I think I’ve never her look so proud before.” It was nice to have that support from her seeing how they all got off on the wrong foot all those years ago. “So if you want to talk to him it’s going to have to be one of you.”

   “Like he’s going to talk to us.”

   Beckett sighed at Esposito and knew that he was right. If they had any chance of getting anything out of Grey it would be if she was the one asking the questions.  “I think this is a waste of time, but if you think it will help try clearing it with the Warden.” She wasn’t one to throw away the possibility to chase down a lead, just this time Beckett wasn’t sure it was worth it. If Grey was involved in this in some way things were going to get messy and quick.

0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0o

    By mid-afternoon Beckett found herself sitting in a familiar room at the prison with Gates at her side. It was the only way that the Warden would even agree to let Beckett set foot on the grounds let alone in a room with Grey.  Beckett looked at the older woman sitting next to her thinking back to when they first met. She never thought there would be a day where they would be sitting side by side working together like a well-oiled machine. Beckett was glad so much had changed.

   The door opened and Grey, in full chains, shuffled in with a bruised and taped up nose. “Lieutenant Castle.” He greeted her with a wide smile as he sat across from the two women. “And Captain Gates how nice is it meet you.”

   Gates snarled, “I can’t say the same.”

   “Well, that’s not nice.”

   Calmly, Gates folded her hands on the table in front of her. Beckett could tell but the gleam in her eyes that the woman was seething underneath. “You raped six women tried to make it seven and you put three people I care about in the hospital. So excuse me if I spare the pleasantries.”

   Grey tucked his tongue in his cheek and grinned, “I like you.  You’ve got lots of spunk.” His eyes drifted to the other woman in the room. “Two visits in less than a week. What must Rick think?”

   Calmly, Beckett opened the folder in front of her, “I’m here because of your ex-cellmate Drew Sun.” She watched his face carefully hoping it would show some flicker of anything, but he was as still as stone. Maybe this man truly had no other emotion than hatred.

   “And I would answer your questions because?” Grey asked with a raised brow.

   “Because we believe that he is the one who killed your mother.” Beckett didn’t even expect a reaction this time. “He went through a lot of trouble to take over a man’s life just to con your mother out of her money.”

   “Knowing my mother she properly would have given it away at the end of her life. She was always tight on the purse strings.” His fingers drummed aimlessly on the metal table. It was obvious that the man still felt nothing at the loss of his mother. “I heard that she gave it all away to those bitches.”

    Beckett tried not to flinch. How did he know that? Elissa had sent a large amount of money to all of her son’s victims, which all in turn been thrown back. That was something that happened after he was sentenced and Elissa had never visited her son in prison or wrote. She had cut off contact with him the moment the verdict came back. Making a mental note to check is visitor log and correspondence, Beckett pressed forward. “Look I know you hate her and me. Hell, I think you hate every person in the female population, but I can live with that. What I can’t live with is the fact a murderer is walking around on the streets free to kill again.”  Something was shining in Greg’s eye and Beckett didn’t like it. It made the knot in her stomach that formed the moment she stepped into the room grow. There was a plan here. A way for him to manipulate the situation and She hated not being able to figure it out.

   Gates tried a different approaching, “And if you help us then it will go on your record. Maybe give the Warden some thought when it comes to your stay here.” The words felt like sand in her mouth, but she had to offer something worth his time if they were going to get him to help. Grey cared about himself and himself only. It was amazing that he was doing so well in prison. Other inmates usually ate up his type.

   Greg took the bait, “I will help you.” He sat up straighter in his chair and tried to look like that polished uptight man they found in the mailing room six years ago. Funny that his nose was broken then two by another woman bearing the last name Castle. “I’ll answer your questions.”

   “But.” Beckett prompted.

   “I would like to go to my m other’s funeral? It’s been three days now and I’m sure the lovely doctor Parish is going to release her body. I know that Leola has planned a funeral, the old woman cared too much for my mother to let her body be handled by a bunch of strangers.”

   Something, which Beckett could only describe as ice-cold fingers of terror, gripped her throat making it nearly impossible to breathe.  For some unknown reason faced with the notion that Grey would be on the street again terrified her than the time she faced down the man responsible for her mother’s death. This man in front of her wasn’t as dangerous as Bracken, but Greg could hurt those who he loved the most. Even though he would be under armed guard and chained, Beckett didn’t like him stepping foot outside of the confines of prison. “And you care now that she is dead?”

   Greg shrugged, the chains connecting his hands pinging off the metal of the table. “Like you said she was my mother.”

   There was more to it and Beckett didn’t like it. “Sir-.”

   Gates held up a hand, “Before we can arrange anything we will need something tangible that we can use.”

   The man’s eyes flickered from the older woman to Beckett and the Lieutenant swore the corner of his mouth twitch.  “Well I can tell you where you can find Drew Sun, but I won’t say a word until after the funeral.”

    After trying for twenty minutes to get more out of him, Beckett was chasing her captain down the hall trying to stop her from following with the deal. “I know it’s our best shot.” Beckett spoke stopping Gates from getting any father, “But I’m telling you that there is more to this. Letting him out of here is a big mistake.”

   Gates turned to look at the Lieutenant and saw the worry etched on the lines of her face.  If the last seven-plus years of working with her proved anything, Gates knew her concern had merit. The younger woman had the ability to connect dots that no one knew needed connecting.  Because of that and her guts feeling the team had solved the puzzling of cases and even brought down the man Beckett had been hunting half her life. Gates believed her this time, but if this was the only way they could get a killer off the street then they had to do it.  “I know how you feel about this man, but he has information.”

   “We can get it another way.” How Beckett wasn’t sure. Anything was better than playing into his hands. “There is a connection here that we aren’t seeing and we need to find it before accepting his help.”

   “Kate.” Gates laid a hand on her shoulder, “I don’t have a choice in this matter. The brass wants this case closed as quickly as possible. “

    “We are making a mistake.”

   Gates sighed, “I think you might be right.”

0o0o0o0o0o000000000o0o0o0o0o

    It took some convincing and several phone calls, but in the end, Grey got what he wanted. In two days time, he would be allowed to go to his mother’s funeral.  Beckett went home with a heavy weight resting on her shoulders and her arm full of every scrap of information she could find on Elissa’s case. She was hoping that she could find this invisible connection that seemed to be evading them.  When she opened the door and heard her son’s squealing laughter a part of that weight was lifted off her shoulders. Nate was sideways on the couch laughing so hard his face was red thanks to his sister’s tickle attack.

   “Mommy help!” Nate managed between giggles, “Lex got me.”

   “I see that.” The redhead was bent over the couch pinning her brother. She was smiling, but Beckett could see that it was strained. “Dad home?”

   Alexis pushed her hair from her face. “In the office, I think trying to write. You okay?”

   “Fine.” Beckett knew the girl saw through the lie, “Is Jeremy here?”

   “Haven’t seen him all day.” Something that obviously bothered Alexis.  “You haven’t seen him have you?”

   “In passing.” Beckett hated withholding information from her step-daughter, but in this case, it seemed appropriate. Jeremy wasn’t the only one looking worse for the wear following his shooting. “I need to talk to your father for a bit.”

   Alexis sensed something was off and swooped up her brother, “I’ll start on dinner.”

   Grateful, Beckett pushed her way in her husband’s office to see the man in question with his feet kicked up on the desk and trying to balance a stack of pencils on his nose. His laptop was long forgotten on his desk. It would seem that writing was the last thing he had accomplished today. “So this is what being a bestselling novelist is like?” Castle jumped up so fast that the pencils scattered and the chair toppled over with him in it. The scene was just what she needed after such a horrid day. “You okay?”

   He peeked his head up over the edge of the desk, clearly embarrassed at being caught. “Yep.” His gaze flickered the files in her hand then to her face. The lines of worry were back causing him to pull himself up off the ground, “What’s wrong?”

   Beckett closed the door after making sure that Alexis was in the kitchen busy. “We found a connection between our killer and Elissa.”

   “Shouldn’t you be happy about that?” Castle asked with an arched brow.

    “He was Grey’s cellmate.”

   His stomach dropped knowing now why she looked so upset. “You went back to see him.” Why couldn’t that damn man just stay out of their damn lives? Didn’t they deserve some peace after all the ups and downs of their life? “They allowed that?”

   “Gates was my babysitter,” Beckett informed dumping the files onto the desk before leaving heavily against it. “They made a deal with him for his help.”

   “What kind of deal?” Castle noted the way his wife’s shoulders quivered, “Kate?”

   “In exchange for information they agreed to let him out for his mother’s funeral. It’s a bad idea, my gut is telling me to do anything to stop it from happening.” She closed her eyes when Castle laid a gentle hand on her back. “Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe it’s just-.”

   “Kate your instincts have proven time and time again to be right.”

   “There is something here we aren’t seeing.” She spread her hands over the files, “Something that is going to bit us in the ass if we don’t figure it out.”

   “How can I help?”

   “I just want this to be over.”

   The words cut him at the knees. She had spoken those words with the same aspiration and fear six years ago. Just after they got married a new lead came their way regarding the man that was responsible for her mother’s murder. He had pleaded with her to just walk away, but it was like talking to the wall.  When he had refused to help her, she had walked out with a bloodlust in her eyes. A week later she had shown back up looking like she wrestled with the devil and broken. The lead had nearly gotten her killed and just let to another series of doors. As he cleaned out her wounds he had asked what she wanted to do and her reply was that she just wanted it all to be over. “Give up the case.” Castle gave her the same advice he did six years ago.

   And of course, Beckett repeated her same answer, “I can’t. She deserves justice.”

   “This isn’t your mother Kate.” The observation made her flinch. Later he would feel bad for being so blunt. “I can’t watch you pull yourself again. Last time we lost so much.”

   She lost the baby, nearly destroyed her marriage, and in the process nearly lost herself. In the end, she finally got what she wanted and took down Bracken. But it wasn’t worth the cost. “This time is different Rick.” Beckett knew that for sure. “I’m doing this for Elissa because after all life gave her killer shouldn’t walk free.”

   There was no talking her out of it, so this time he wasn’t going to let her go through it alone. Castle picked up one of the files, “So what are we looking for?”

   “I don’t know really.” Beckett confessed, “Grey’s willingness to help me is out of character to him. He’s not going to shed a tear over his mother and could care less about seeing her being put in the ground. There is something else going on here and I have to figure it out.”

   “Does Alexis know?”

   Beckett shook her head, “I don’t want to add to her stress.”

   “You don’t want her to worry like you are.” Castle corrected.

   “She was just starting to put this behind her.”

   “I know.”


	4. 9 AM Funeral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized that I named the story wrong. It's supposed to be 4am not 3am.... that's a whole other story.

   Alexis woke long before her alarm went off. Five hours in fact. To be honest, sleep hadn’t really come to her at all. Her mind was too busy racing about what the day would bring. In the four days since her stepmother had come home with the news of Grey’s deal, she had questioned her choice to attend Elissa’s funeral.  So with that mixed with her rigorous schooling, the lack of sleep was something she used to. Sighing, Alexis rolled over and found the spot beside her cold and empty. Another weight was placed on her heart. This would be the fourth night in a row that she had woken to find the bed empty. She was pretty sure a few of those nights he didn’t even go to bed. She knew what kept him from sleeping, she just wished that he would come to her to talk. Of course, Alexis didn’t know personally what he was going through, but she could at least be an ear. He wasn’t taking care of himself in any sense of the way. The only time he ate or showered was if she nagged him just enough.

   It seemed like the world was just throwing them one curveball after another. A week ago, Alexis would have been able to handle it because Jeremy was at her side. Now as they were drifting apart, she wondered if she was going to make it through the day. Alexis left the bed to take a nice long shower to clear her head.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   “Mommy?” Nate looked up from his coloring book. He had taken post on his parent’s bed while his mother stood in front of the mirror getting ready.

   Beckett stopped what she was doing to look at her son. The four-year-old looked up at her with the most inquisitive expression. One that made him look so much like his father.  “Yes, honey?”

    “Why do you look so sad?”

   She had to look in the mirror to check her expression and sure enough, there was a sadness floating in her eyes. Beckett wasn’t sure how Nate could pick up ion such a thing. “Because.” She sat next to him on the bed trying to figure out how to explain things in a way his four-year-old mind could comprehend. Death was something that he had only seen in movie or cartoons, but Disney didn’t come close to explaining the real thing. The only thing Nate had lost was a pet goldfish that he won at a street fair. The thing only lived for three days so Nate hadn’t gotten too attached. “Mommy has to go and say to someone that went away.”

   His little brow drew up, “Went away?”

   She could see him trying to connect the dots himself, “You remember Nemo?”

   “My fish?” His blue eyes filled with confusion.

   Beckett nodded, “Remember how he died?” She wasn’t going to remind him it had been from the lack of feeding.

   “Uh-huh.”

   “Well,” She brushed his hair off his forehead, “Someone that Mommy knew died and today is her funeral.”

   “Like the one we gave to Nemo before he went down the toilet.”

   “Something like that. Now, will you finish coloring while I finish getting ready? I’ve got to go pick up Alexis.”

   Mention his sister’s name had the boy tilting his head to the side with another serious expression on his face. “Germ-y seems so sad too. Did someone he knows die too?”

  Beckett sighed. It seemed like Nate didn’t miss a thing. “No sweetie, Jeremy is just dealing with a lot because of his injury. He just needs some time to heal that’s all.” Or so she hoped. It hadn’t gone unnoticed by anyone the way the young man was slowly withdrawing from everyone and everything. “Maybe drawing him a picture might help.”

   A huge smile crossed his face, “Okay!” and with that, he attacked the paper with renewed interest.

   After dropping a kiss on her son’s head, Beckett stood to finish preparing herself for another meeting with Grey. 

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   “Are you sure you want to do this?” Beckett asked her stepdaughter for the tenth time over the last hour. In fact, Beckett was asking herself the same question. Leola had called and asked her to attend. She had agreed. Why? She still didn’t know. She just felt like she had to. Elissa didn’t deserve her fate and she didn’t deserve to be buried alone.

   Alexis smoothed the wrinkles from her skirt, “I want to do this.”

   “You know he is going to be there.” Beckett watched her go still at the mention of Grey. She didn’t know how Gates arranged it, but Grey had been granted the request to go to his mother’s funeral. It was most likely was the captain trying to smooth over the whole broken nose incident. 

   “I know.” She looked at her hands and cursed. They were trembling just like her insides. The man shouldn’t have this hold on her anymore. After seven years she had plenty of time to get behind this. The monster had attacked her. Alexis got over it. End of story. So why was the prospect of seeing him scaring the hell out of her? “It’s okay.”

   “Look, the moment you want to leave just let me know and we’ll go.” Beckett tucked a strand of Alexis’ hair behind her ear, “Just know he can’t hurt you, Lex.”

   She could do this. Alexis ran a hand through her hair. If she could spend countless hours in the morgue with dead bodies then she could face Grey Greenstone. “Let’s go.”

   There were five people that stood by the casket, well seven but Beckett didn’t think the two correction officer counted. Grey stood in his orange jumpsuit in full chains looking at the hole in the ground with no real emotion on his face. Leola stood next to Beckett and Alexis quietly crying into her tissue. Then there was the preacher speaking the words from the good book. That was it. After a life of seventy nine years this was all that turned out to bid goodbye to a life. All Elissa would be remembered for is giving birth to a monster.

   Beckett placed a soothing hand on Leola’s shoulder as the preacher finished. Grey seemed to snap out of his trance. He picked up a handful of dirt that lay next to the open grave and threw it on top of the white casket. Then he reared back and spat.

   Disgusted, Beckett took Alexis’ hand and led her back to the car. Grey’s voice stopped them before they got too far. “What no words of condolences?”

   Alexis’s spine went rigid. Everything inside her was telling her to flee, to get to the safety of the car, and forget the man ever existed. But if she did that, she wouldn’t be able to live with herself knowing that he could still get to her. So she took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. “I’m sorry for your loss, Mr. Greenstone.” Alexis started towards the car without another word.

   Beckett motioned to the two correction officers, “I think it’s time to get out guest back to his cage. Leola do you need a ride back.”

   “I can get a taxi.” Leola spared a glanced at Grey before following the redhead.

   Grey didn’t fight when the officers took him by the arms, “Hope to see you soon, Beckett.”

   Once the graveyard was fading in the rearview window, Beckett glanced at Alexis. “You okay?”

   Alexis shook her head, “I think so.”

   She wanted to push, but Beckett figured that wasn’t the best thing at the moment. “Want me to drop you off at your apartment?”

   “No.” Alexis knew it would be empty. Jeremy would be out wandering the city doing whatever and she wasn’t sure she could handle being alone at the moment.  “Drop me off at the hospital?” She had to make up some of her clinical hours anyway, so it seemed fitting to throw herself in work.

   Beckett wanted to ask if she was sure but chose to keep her mouth shut. Throwing herself into her work was something Alexis learned from her. “Of course.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   By the time Beckett returned to the station the weight of the day was starting to just slip away. Seeing Ryan and Esposito argue over whose turn it was to clean the coffee machine made her smile. “Do I need to put you two in separate corners?”

   Esposito crossed his arms in a defensive gesture, “No. I’m just informing my partner that I cleaned it last week.”

   “No you started it,” Ryan pointed out, “But then Lanie called and needed you right away so I had to finish it.”

   “Oh for heaven sakes just roshambo for it!” Beckett suggested dropping into her chair. Both men squared off and held up closed fists. She watched amusingly as they counted to and deployed their weapons three times. Ryan triumphed over his partner every time.

  Esposito glared at the Irish detective, “Two out of three.”

   “Guys.” Flustered, Gates exited her office with a grim expression on her face. The playful mood in the bullpen died in an instant. It was clear whatever she was about to say didn’t sit well with her. “That was the prison.”

   Beckett popped up, “What happened?”

   “Grey Greenstone’s transport never made it back to the prison.” Gates informed watching the Lieutenant’s face drop. “They haven’t been able to make contact with either correction officers.”

   Beckett’s office phone came to life and she snatched it on the first ring. “Beckett.” She greeted a little too harshly.  Her mood didn’t get any better by the time she hung up the phone. In a span of five minutes, it had gone from joyous to solemn. “A call came in over a half an hour ago about shots a few blocks from the graveyard.”

   “Grey?’ Ryan wondered.

   Beckett shook her head, “One of the correctional officers was found dead. No sign of the other or Grey. They’re sending over the dash cam footage now.” She rubbed her temple where a headache was brewing. “Sir-.”

   “I know.” Gates cut her off not wanting to hear the woman’s version of I-told-you-so. She had hoped that Beckett had been wrong in her hunch that something was amiss with this whole situation. After nearly a decade, Gates should’ve just listened to Beckett.

0o0o0o0o0o0o

   After staring at the dash cam for nearly five hours, Beckett finally made her way home. The car driving Grey back had stopped because its path was blocked by what seemed to be a broken down car. The cam footage showed Officer Sane leaving the patrol car with the intentions of helping the motorist. It turned to out to be his last act ever. The driver, who had been hunched by the front tire well, turned and shot the officer once in the head. After that the footage showed, Grey following the other correctional officer to the other car. He had been unhandcuffed and looking far too pleased with the turn of events. While Officer Sane lay dying the three men drove off. Of course, they had taken off the plates so they had nothing to track.

   Beckett leaned against the wall outside the loft. Grey Greenstone was back on the loose. Oh God. Beckett rubbed a hand over her tired face. The monster was on the loose. Now she was charged with the task to not only tell Alexis but all of Grey’s victims that he was roaming around freely. Most of them had finally moved on with their life once Grey had been behind bars for a couple of years. How was she going to tell them? How was she going to tell Alexis?

   Thinking of her stepdaughter, Beckett felt like this was becoming a habit. She could hear Alexis’s voice through door sounding the happiest it had in days and here she was again being the bearer of bad news that would ruin her day, if not her life. Putting on a brave face, Beckett pushed her way into the house to find the redhead sitting on the couch with Martha having an intense conversation by the looks of it. It was a surprise to see her mother in law. She had been on a business/vacation promoting her acting school for the past two weeks. Beckett hadn’t expected her home for at least another week or so. “Hey, Martha.” No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t put any warmth behind it. “Welcome home.”

   “Thank you, my dear. I have so much to tell you.” Martha caught the distress on the Lieutenant’s face and her smile faded. “Rick.”

   The writer, with Jeremy in tow, came into the living room, “Nathan will be happy to know you’ll be home to try the cake he made.”

   The four-year-old came racing in behind his father, his chestnut colored hair streaked white with flour. “I made it all by myself mamma! Germ-y only helped a little.”

   “By a little, he means a lot.” A smile, for the first time possibly since the shooting, crossed his tired face. “It was the least I could do after he gave me such a cool drawing.”

   If it was possible Beckett hated Grey even more. The bastard seemed to extinguish every light of happiness in their lives. “Martha, can you take Nathan upstairs?”

   “Of course.” Martha scooped up her grandson, “Let’s get you cleaned up sweetie.”

   “Kate, what’s wrong?” Dread filled Alexis’s voice.

   Beckett took a moment to collect her scattered thoughts. Deep down she just wished that this was all just some dream and all they had to do to escape it was wake up. She just hated the fact that she knew something bad was going to happen the moment she saw Grey the first time. Well there was no way of sugar coating the news, so Beckett just blurted it out. “Grey escaped.”

   “What?” The entire room demanded.

   “I don’t know all the details.” Beckett approached her paling stepdaughter, “But it looks like some sort of set up. The van stopped because of a broken down car in the middle of the road. One of the correctional officers was shot and killed. There is no sign of the other or Grey.”

   “He’s on the streets.” Horror clamped down on her throat making it almost impossible to breathe. How could this be happening? How could this man still be running her life? Grey on the loose was one of her worst nightmares come to life.

   “He had this planned.” Life glared back into the young police officer as he sat down next to his girlfriend. It was hard, but he pushed his gloomy mood from his mind to focus on the present situation.

   “Does-is.” Alexis struggled to form coherent words. “Is he coming after us?”

   “I don’t know.” Honest was the best policy, Beckett learned a long time ago lying or withholding information just caused pain and anger. “I do know that both his mother’s murder and the escape are connected. Part of some plan that started months ago when Sun got out of prison.”

   “What is his plan?” Castle asked since he couldn’t seem to find an explanation he liked himself.  Everything kept circling back to his family and that was just unacceptable.

   “I don’t know, but I promise you that I will figure it out.” She looked Alexis straight in the eyes, “I promise you, Alexis.”

   0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   Much later, Beckett was sitting on the edge of the bed to wired to sleep though her body was demanding it. Catch grey. It was the only thing running through her mind. The fact that she had warned against the whole deal made it worse. They should have never made that damn deal with the monster. They were playing right into his hands. They should have been smarter. She should have been smarter.

   “Nathan is down for the count.” Castle announced upon entering the bedroom, “Thanks to Mother. She is letting him sleep with her tonight.”

   Beckett snapped out of her trance, “You need to make sure you don’t go anywhere without telling me.” Fear for her family’s life brought her close to hysteria. “And make sure your mother doesn’t go anywhere alone. Make sure-.”

   “Kate listen to me.” Kneeling in front of her, Castle took her hands in his, “We can’t let him do this. It’s what he wants.”

   “Rick he threatened our family multiple times and I can’t shake the feeling that he’s going to come after us.”

   “You don’t know what his intentions are, baby. We can’t allow him to put our family in panic.” He brought her hands to his lips, “We’ve wasted enough time on him.”

   Beckett rested her brow against his, “You’re right.”

   He gave her one of his signature grins, “Of course I am.”

   Making her laugh when she didn’t want to was one of the reasons she loved him. “Don’t let it get to your head.”

   “Too late.” He kissed the tip of her nose, “Come on let’s get to bed.”

   At two in the morning, it seemed like it hit Beckett like a ton of bricks. She sprang up in bed jolting Castle from his dreamless sleep and out of bed. Literally. He hit the ground with enough force to knock the alarm clock from the nightstand and straight onto his head. Cursing, he struggled to untangle himself from the sheets, “Kate?” The woman in question was racing out of the room without a word. The light in the office turned on and Castle could hear a bunch of rustling accompanied by muttering.

   When he was able to get the message to his brain to follow, Castle found his wife going through the drawers of the desk like a mad woman, “Kate what are you doing?”  

   “Remember how I told you that the name Sun sounded familiar?”

   “It’s two in the morning.” Castle pointed out unable to jump on her train of thought.

   “Ha!” Beckett fished out the file she was looking for and slammed it open on the cluttered desk. There written in black ink was the name Sun. “I knew Sun was already connected to Grey and his family. According to the maid, an Andrea Sun worked for the house as a kitchen maid when Grey was around two. She is one of the several women that Elissa paid off to leave after she became pregnant by one of John Greenstone’s sexual assaults.”

   Now the writer was fully awake, “They’re brothers?”

   “Half anyways.” Beckett was reared with renewed energy and hope. It was a connection she made a little too late, but she made it none the less. Not they had some bread crumbs to follow. “His mother still lives in the city.”

   “So we’ll visit her in the morning.” Castle insisted.

   Beckett turned to argue only to bite her tongue. It wasn’t like he was following her into a gun battle or anything. Plus she missed having him around on the job. “Okay.”

   After leaving Nate in the care of his grandmother, the couple made their way to Andrea’s apartment just shy of eight o’clock. The woman who answered the door was in her early sixties and looked completely defeated by life. When Beckett flashed her badge the woman’s chocolate eyes filled with sorrow.

   “Lieutenant Kate Beckett.” Beckett informed, “And this is Richard Castle. We need to ask you some questions about your son.”

   Andrea frowned, “What did he do now?”

   “When was the last time you heard from your son?” Beckett asked bypassing the woman’s question.  

   “Almost two weeks ago to tell me about the job he landed.” Andrea sounded sad, “Of course I knew he was lying.”

   “Why do you say that?” Castle felt sort of sorry for the woman. Being raped by a ruthless man at the age of eighteen, forced to leave the life she made to escape, and then in turn raising the child that was a product of that rape must have been hell on Andrea. Castle wasn’t sure how she handled having the constant reminder of what had been done to her living under her roof.

   Andrea leaned against the door frame as if the weight of that decision was just too much at the present moment. “Told me how he got a job being a caretaker of some old woman. With his criminal record and being on parole, there was no way he could have landed such a job.”

   “We believe that your son is involved with the murder of Elissa Greenstone,” Beckett reported.

   The older woman staggered before dropping to her knees. “I should have believed.” Tears started rolling down her wrinkled face, “I thought there was no way he could be serious.”

   “Believed him?” Beckett asked needing more information.

   “He said he found a way to make the woman pay. Saying she would regret that day she paid me off instead of reporting her husband to the police.” Andrea pressed a hand to her eyes, “I never told him. I don’t know how I found out. I tried to play it off by being dumb, but I could see it in his eyes that he knew."

   A part of Beckett’s heart ached for the broken woman before her. Andrea only wanted the best for her child, despite how it was conceived, and part of that meant sheltering it with lies. “In prison, he became Grey Greenstone’s cellmate.”

   “Oh, God.” Andrea paled.

   “That’s how he knew.” Beckett helped the trembling woman to her feet. “During his imprisonment, they seemed to have conducted a plan that including killing Elissa and helping Grey escape prison.”

   “She didn’t deserve it.” Andrea nearly collapsed into Beckett’s arms, “That poor woman was as much a victim as I was. At least my nightmare stopped when I took the money.”

   “Why didn’t you report him?” Castle wondered. If just one person had spoken against John Greenstone than maybe all of this current terror would have been avoided. Grey would have been a different man, Elissa wouldn’t have been brutally murdered, and all those women like Andrea wouldn’t be living such a shattered existence.

   “I was barely past my eighteen birthday on a working green card. He threatened to deport me back.” Andrea snapped back, “If I was sent back after what happened to me my life would be more of a living hell then it currently is.”

   Beckett needed to get them back on track, “Has your son tied to contact you at all in the past week?”

   “No, but this showed up on my doorstep yesterday.” Steady now, Andrea lead the two into her apartment to retrieve the envelope on the kitchen counter. “I believe it belongs to Elissa.”

   After putting on a pair of gloves, Beckett tipped the envelope and a sapphire the size of a half dollar slid into her palms. Sadly, there was no return address on the outside, just a postmark of three days ago. “We need to run this mailing code to see if we can locate which post office it went through.” It was a long shot, but it would give them an area of the city to start looking. No doubt Drew had been busy with setting up a place for Grey to go to once he got out. Since Drew had undoubtedly used the cash in Elissa’s safe, this was the only way to even try to track him.

   “Miss Sun is there any place where you might think your son might be hiding out?” Castle asked knowing where his wife’s train of thought was at.

   Andrea gave them an honest answer, “I don’t know. I tried to be a good mother Lieutenant Beckett, but I couldn’t love him like I was supposed to. If I had maybe none of this would have happened.”

   Beckett handed the woman her card, “If he sends you anything else or contacts you, you need to call me.”

   “I don’t condone what my boy did, but this isn’t him.” Andrea tried to explain taking the card.

   Beckett’s brow shot straight up, “Your son was put away for sexual assault, Miss Sun.”

   “Don’t you see it’s in his blood. He was created by a monster so it was only a matter of time before he became one.” Andrea explained.

   Castle waited until they stepped out on the sidewalk before he talked, “Do you think that’s true?” Castle stuffed his hands into his coat pockets. “That it’s in his blood to be a rapist?”

   “I think we are preprogrammed for things at birth, but I don’t think callousness and evil is.” Beckett had seen enough ugliness of the world to say it for certain. Evilness was a behavior that was learned by watching and doing. There was no hard coding of DNA to make a person a rapist or a murderer. Well at least in her mind there wasn’t. “Come on let’s go run this by the lab.”

  


	5. 10 AM Crime Scene

    As soon as she got to the techs, Beckett’s phone ran giving her more bad news. Grey hadn’t waited to put his plan in action. At nine this morning the body of his first victim was discovered in her apartment. Castle had turned white at the news. Beth was someone they both had come to know greatly over the last seven years. Now she was dead. Beckett sent Castle to Alexis the news while she went to go pick up Ryan and Esposito.

   Beckett wasn’t sure what she was expecting as she approached the apartment. Ryan and Esposito had peeled off to talk to the many people gathered outside Beth’s door. To her, it felt like a really bad dream. Grey had been free for less than 24 hours and already he destroyed another life. This time by taking it completely. But why Beth? The question followed her into the trashed apartment. She had been the most shaken of grey’s victims and one she had bounded a lot with over the last seven years. Alexis had helped Beth with it seemed no one else could. Beth had started to turn her life around. So why did Grey choose Beth? The woman in question was sprawled on her side on the blood-stained carpet in the living room. It was hard for Beckett, even being a well-seasoned cop, to see the look of pure horror on Beth’s lifeless face. The job always got ten times harder when it was personal. Beckett couldn’t help but see her stepdaughter on the floor, dead and scared.

   Taking a deep breath, she pushed those dark thoughts away. “What have we got Lanie?”

   The ME looked up from her clipboard, her face hard, “Multiple stab wounds to the abdomen and chest.” She pointed with her pen to Beth’s wrists that were out in front of her. “Bruising indicates that she was bound for a period of time before her death.”

   Tying up his victims wasn’t Grey’s MO, but then again neither was murder. The bruising along Beth’s face, neck and tights were also indicators that he had escalated as if the murder wasn’t proof enough. “Time of death?”

   “Judging by the pool of blood it took her a while to bleed out. I put the time of death no more than five or six hours ago.”  Lanie reported.

   Her gaze swept across the disarray of the apartment reminding Beckett of Elissa’s ransacked office. “She put up a fight?”

   “She got plenty of defensive wounds.”

   _Good for her_ Beckett mused glad to see that Beth remembered the defense lessons she gave her and Alexis. “No one heard anything?” Beckett wondered. Of course, this was New York and everyone seemed to turn a blind eye or a deaf ear when something outside their peaceful bubble happened.

   “Well, a neighbor did hear something.” Ryan filled in returning with notepad in hand from his trip down the hallway.

   “They didn’t call the police.” Beckett pointed out looking down at Beth. How long after they heard that noise was Beth bleeding out on the living room floor? Alone.

   “She was sure that another neighbor would have. She’s a seventy-year-old woman who lives alone. I had to coax her to even talk to me.” Ryan carefully maneuvered around the debris that had been marked by the crime scene unit.

   “I got the same story from three other neighbors.” This came from Esposito as he appeared in the open doorway. “By standard effect. Everyone heard something, but didn’t report it because they were so sure someone already had or would.”

   “Well, they didn’t.” Angrily, Beckett pushed to her feet trying to smolder the wave of rage surging inside her. They should have seen this coming. They had been so focused on tracking Drew and the other correction officer that they forgot to stop and think what his escape meant for his victims. “Did he rape her?”

   Lanie’s features turned grim, “Yes.”

   “We need to contact all of his victims and let them know that Grey is on the streets.” In the little time since the escape, they hadn’t gotten around to that. She would have liked to keep this morning events out but knew it would be plastered all over the local news by nightfall. “Encourage them to dins a place outside of the city to stay. Tell them to keep whatever they’re doing quite.”

   “On it.” Ryan was already in motion.

   “Office is a mess as well and the place for a computer is empty.” Esposito announced, “Not seeing her cell phone.”

   “Techs didn’t recover one.” Lanie stood, “Why would he take those?”

   “Maybe because she had the number’s of his other victims?” Beckett suggested but that was maybe just one of the reasons. With Elissa’s safe emptied of more than just money and Beth’s missing electronics suggested that there was something more to all this. It seemed like Grey was looking for something. Now it was time to find out what.

0o0o0o0o0o0

    Hours of looking at a computer screen and reports were making Beckett go cross-eyed. She had sent the boys to follow up their MIA correctional officer who’s finical showed two large chunks of money had been deposited in Ray Paul’s bank account. She decided to stay behind to try to look into Beth’s life these past years to see if anything jumped out at her. To try to figure out how Grey found her. Her apartment wasn’t even in her name, her address wasn’t listed, and her phone number was private.

   There was a reason Grey went after her in such a violent manner. But looking there was nothing in Beth’s life, well that they could find, that jumped out at her. Periodic hospitalizations and at least a hundred of doctor’s appointments filled up her last seven years of her life. Her rape had taken a toll on her, more so than any of the other victims it seemed.  But in the last year and a half, it seemed like she had been doing better. Beckett noticed her therapist appointments had dropped dramatically and there were a lot of fun purchases of spa trips, camping equipment, and lots of other outdoor activity.

   “Mommy!”

   Her son’s voice had Beckett snapping out of her trance and frowned when she found it getting dark outside. Had she been really sitting here for that long? She didn’t have much time to think about it before Nate skidded around the divider and ran straight for her. “Hey, mister.” Once his little arms wrapped around her everything seemed right with the world. “What are you doing here?”

   “We bought dinner.” Nate buried his face in her shoulder.

   It made Beckett smile, “Everything okay?”

   The boy shook his head, “Dad said look at you and only you. Just in case.” He shifted his gaze up, peeking at her in confusion. “Don’t know what it means.”

   That man always thinking of everything. Making sure her son’s gaze was averted, she looked back at the murder board to check if they hung any of the murder scene photos up. In all honesty, she couldn’t remember what they had done throughout the day. Beckett flipped the board just to be on the safe side, “All clear sweetie.”

   Nate popped up with a warm smile, “Hi mommy.”

   It was amazing the powers that smile held. “Hey, buddy.” She placed a tender kiss on his brow, “Where is your dad?”

   “Hauling up dinner.” Castle finally made it to the desk and carefully placed the food bags on top of it. He hated seeing the dark circles under her eyes. He wanted nothing more than to force her to go home, but he loved and respected her too much to do that. This was her job, to speak for the dead, even if it took everything out of her at times. He leaned down with a kiss, “How are you?”

   Beckett pulled him down for another, “Better now.”

   “Hungry?”

   She wasn’t until he asked. Now she was starving. When was the last time she even ate? “Yeah let’s go into the conference room.”

   “Can I take Awthuw mommy?” Nate asked reaching for one of the plastic figurines lined up on her desk. He hovered knowing it was his mother’s number one rule when he came to visit. Don’t touch anything on her desk unless she gave the okay.

   “He needs to eat up before his battle with the rabbit.”

   The young boy grinned and picked it up.

   A few minutes later, Beckett had her son in her lap and was sharing her spring roll while her husband chatted mindlessly about something about Nate playing a trick on Martha. It was a nice change of pace from talks of murder. “I hope you apologized, young man.” Beckett lightly scolded even with a smile on her face. She would have loved to see the look on Martha’s face upon discovering a frog in her shower.

   Nate looked up with his puppy dog eyes, a look he learned from his father no doubt, and spoke in pure honesty. “I did. I promised never to do it again.”

   Beckett didn’t need all her experience of being a cop to see that was a big fat lie. “Okay.” She glanced at her husband to see him struggling not to laugh. She bet that he encouraged their son antics and even helped find the frog. “You speak to Alexis today?”

   “His face sobered, “I was able to meet you in between her class and clinical.”

   “Is she doing okay?”

   “She looked tired.” It pained to see his daughter in such a condition. Alexis was always the one to smile and find the best of life even in the time of great darkness. Now the bubbly redhead was worn at the seams and ready to break at any moment. “She is torn up about Beth.”

   Beckett gave her son more of her rice, “They were close friends.”

   “I told her to come to stay with us and she told me she would see.”

   It wasn’t the answer Beckett was expecting. There were other things pulling at Alexis making it so she wasn’t thinking straight. “Is Sara still giving them a hard time?” It had been well over a week since Jeremy’s shooting and life was still tense between mother and son, putting Alexis in the middle.

   Castle nodded, “And I’m sure that’s not helping the man’s healing process at all.” When he saw Jeremy today it was clear that he hadn’t slept. Or eaten. Or even bother to pick up a grooming tool.

   “Auntie Lanie!” Nate cheered as he caught sight of the ME moving through the bullpen.

   “There’s my handsome man.” Lanie smiled, but Beckett could see the strain on her friend’s face. “Got any for me?”

   Ginning, Nate held up his half-eaten spring roll, “Yep!”

   Lanie took a bite to please her nephew. “Yummy.” She looked to Beckett. “Got a minute?”

   Getting the hint, Castle swooped up his son and finished the spring roll he had offered Lanie. “We’ll see how much trouble we can get in to.”

   “Don’t forget King Arthur, Daddy.” Nate giggled when his father tilted him upside down so he could snag the forgotten figurine. “Bye Mommy.”

   Lanie took a seat beside her best friend. “How is the other little Castle?”

   “I don’t know.” Beckett confessed, “It’s hard to tell. I couldn’t even pretend to guess how I would be doing in this current situation. What are you doing here?”

   “I was looking over some of the DNA samples that we found on Beth’s body.” Saying, victim, just didn’t sit right with Lanie. She had known the woman personally. 

    “Samples? As more than one?” Beckett’s heart ached for Beth. “How many times was she raped?”

   “I found three different samples.” Was the answer that Lanie gave. “I was able to match two of those samples to Grey and Drew.”

   “The third?”

   Lanie opened the file and slid it over to Beckett, “Conner Langley. He was in the system because of some assault charge.”

   “How long did he serve?” Beckett wondered his eyes soaking up the information on the page.

   “Six months.”

   Was this another connection that Grey made all while in prison? If so how was Conner connected to Grey? Beckett grabbed one of the napkins and started making notes, “I don’t know who this man is or how is connected, but it’s a lead.”

   Lanie resisted the urge to snag the napkin away. Beckett didn’t need more things to do tonight. The strain of this case was already showing by the bag under her eyes. “This will keep until morning, Becks. You need to go home and sleep.”

   “Can’t. If he-.”

   “Go home.” Lanie insisted.

   “Lanie.” She stopped short again when she heard her son’s deep belly laughter. Was it just this morning that same boy was sitting on her bed looking so much older than he was asking why she was so sad? And questioning Jeremy’s health as well.  This case wasn’t just affecting the people involved but also those surrounding them. She turned to see her son and husband engaging in an epic battle with the King Arthur figurines and elephants on her desk. Something so innocent that she really needed at the moment.

   After packing up the leftovers of dinner, Beckett bided goodbye to the ME and made her way out towards her desk. Nate had no moved to her chair and was having the rabbit chasing after Sir Leon which Castle was moving across the surface. “What happened to the holy hand grenade?”

   “Bunny ate it.” Nate made the bunny sail in the air and take out the king and knight.

   Castle gave his wife a look that reminded Beckett of one that her mother had given her father after letting her watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail. One that said _you’ve made this bed now you can lay in it._ In her defense, Beckett didn’t actually let Nate watch it. She had put on the movie when she was sure he was in bed and halfway through the movie she found her son on the stairs watching intently. He gave himself away by laughing at the Black Knight.

   “Lex!! Nate happily called out before waving at the approaching redhead dressed in scrubs.  

   “Hey, sweetie.” Castle hated the way she looked so tired.

   “Hey.” She greeted her brother with a kiss because he was silently begging for it. Those puppy dog eyes got her every time. She glanced at the battle that had taken place on her stepmother’s desk, “Who won?”

   Nate grinned, “The rabbit.”

   “Hungry? We’ve got some leftover Chinese food.” Beckett held up the bag she held.

   “Actually I came to see if you found anything?” Alexis admitted.

   “Not much,” Beckett replied.

   “We’re going to go wash up.” Castle ushered his son out of Beckett’s chair to give the two females some time.

   “I didn’t ask.” Alexis sat in her father’s chair as Beckett sat behind the desk, “And I told myself I didn’t want to know, but I need too.”

   Beckett frowned, “What?”

   “Did she suffer?”

   Beckett felt a lump start to form in the back of her throat. Her first instincts were to lie. “It took her a few hours to bleed out.”

   Alexis’s eyes dropped to her feet, “Did he rape her?”

   “Yes.”

   “God.” Fighting tears, Alexis buried her face in her hands. All day she had tried to put Beth’s death from her mind. But it was no use. Her mind kept running wild with fears and nightmares that evolved Grey Greenstone finding her. And finishing the job. “Does her boyfriend know?”

   “I didn’t know she was dating.”

   “She just started. Actually, I convinced her to take the chance.” The redhead looked torn. Beth had been like an older sister for the past seven years. They had healed together and Alexis did everything she could to get Beth back into the world. “It was a mechanic she met a year or so ago. They hit it off, but Beth kept him at a distance. He was patient with her until Beth finally said yes. He got her out of the house. Even enrolled in a self-defense class he led.”

   “Do you know his name?”

   “Connor.” Alexis took a moment to try to think of the man’s last name, but for the life of her couldn’t remember it. Sad seeing how she had met the man at least a dozen time if not more. “Something.”

   Beckett’s eyes narrowed, “Connor Langley?”

   “That’s it.” The redhead knew that look on the cop’s face. “Why? Does he have something to do with this?”

   But before she could answer, Castle and Nate returned from the bathroom. Going home seemed out of the question. It was just turning seven that gave Beckett plenty of time to hunt down Connor. “Hey I-.”

   “Am not coming home with us.” Castle knew the look as well. He hiked up Nate onto his hip, “I’ll take the little monster home.”

   “I’m not a monstew daddy.” Nate was clearly offended by the statement. He looked straight into his sister’s eyes and spoke earnestly. “Ima good boy. Right, Lex?”

   It seemed her brother was attempting to get his sister out of her bad mood. And it worked. The wonders of a four-year-old. Beckett was pleased to see Alexis smile at Nate and agreed by peppering his face with kisses. She was going to have to talk to Castle about their son’s ability to pick see things they were sure were over his head. “I’m sorry.”

   “Don’t apologize.” Castle said, “Alexis you coming with?”

   “I’ll walk down with you.”

   “Kisses Mommy,” Nate demanded, reaching for his mother’s face.

   Beckett happily obliged. “I love you, little bug. Be good for your father. And no more frogs in Grandma’s shower.” She looked to her husband, still amazed that he put up with the demands of this job the way he did. She had made a promise that if they had a kid together, that she wouldn’t leave him alone. Wouldn’t be an absent mother like Meredith was. It felt at times that she was breaking that promise. “I’ll call you on the way home.”

   “Me too.” Alexis insisted, “I want to know what you found.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   After pulling up all the information she could find on Connor Langley, Beckett set off to find him in the hope he could shed some light on things. Being her boyfriend would mean finding his DNA on the body wasn’t that farfetched. But the fact it was found along with Grey and Drew’s raised some red flags. After searching, Beckett connected Connor to the same jail that Ray Paul worked at before he transferred to the prison. Now that was over ten years ago, but it was a connection.  His record did get Beckett thinking. Besides that one black mark, he seemed like a good guy. He worked as a mechanic and volunteered at the lock Boys and Girls club teaching self-defense to them and also teaching one at the Y.

   Around nine, Beckett found Connor at the Y where he was finishing up his class. Looking through the window, she tried to gauge his state of mind. He didn’t look crazed or flustered as he taught his class how to apply the correct blow to an assailant’s gut in the most effective way. He was a handsome guy in his early to mid-thirties, definitely younger than Beth. He had a rugged look to him with sharp angles of his face and a nice beard to top it off. Beckett did take note that there were some worries in his copper-colored eyes.

   When the class started to file out, Beckett slipped in to get a moment alone with the man. “Connor Langley?” She asked when the last person left.

   “Yeah, I’m sorry.” He was too busy looking at his phone to notice her badge. That calm exterior was gone now. His face was riddled with worry. “I can’t talk. I have to go.”

   “Something wrong?”

   “Yes. No.” Connor finally looked in realization he didn’t know who he was talking you. “Who are you?”

   She gave her badge a little wave, “Name is Kate Beckett.”

   The color just drained from his face, “Has something happened to Beth?”

   “Why would you say that?”

   “She umm.” Connor began to tremble as he looked down at his phone. “I can’t have my phone on at work and sometimes I forget to charge it. I just turned it on and I’ve got like ten miss calls from her. There was a voice mail and it was full of rustling and breathing. I think I heard something break, maybe a voice. I tried calling her. Tell me has something happened?”

   “She was found murdered yesterday morning in her apartment.” The news literally cut the man at the knees. Beckett barely had enough time to catch the falling man. Not the reaction she was expecting.

   “Murdered?” Connor chocked back a sob, “Who would such a thing?”

   Beckett helped the man sit against the wall before he fell flat on his face, “When was the last time you saw Beth?”

   “Last time? Why?” His head wiped back with fury etched into it. “You think I did something to her?”

   Well for the last couple of hours she did, but now Beckett wasn’t so sure. A guilty person wouldn’t look like they just had their heart ripped out of their chest. But the connection was still there leading him to Grey. “You were arresting for an assault-.”

   “I was twenty!” Connor hissed. “And I was trying to stop a drunken man from forcing himself on a woman. The cops didn’t want to hear it because apparently, the bastard was some high-end lawyer. I served my time and got out. I could never raise a hand to a woman. Especially not one that I love.”

   Damn it! Beckett sat down beside the distraught man, “I have to ask Mr. Langley.”

   Connor rubbed his watery eyes, “I left her place around nine last night maybe a little earlier. I had an early shift. I worked at the garage until this class started.”

   Beckett had no doubt that the man was telling the truth. “Connor.” The man continued to weep to break her heart. This was the last thing she expected to happen. Maybe because she was so desperate to find Grey that she had already condemned this man guilty of being a part of the murder. “I know this is hard, but I need you to listen to me.”

   “Who would do this?”

   “I’m trying to find that out.” Beckett lied. Telling Connor who was behind this might put him into a fit making it impossible to get any more information from him. “I need to ask you some question and I would like to do that at the station.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   By the time they did reach the station, Connor had cried out all his tears and have onto the anger stage of grief. He screamed at the world, punched her dash until his knuckles bled, and went back to denial. Getting him up the stairs and into one of the conference rooms was a bit of a challenge. It was herding a drunken sheep. Once she dumped him into one of the chairs it seemed Connor was starting to surface from his grief.

   Beckett left to retrieve her notes and a bag of ice. “Here”

   A bit ashamed, Connor laid the bag over his torn knuckles. “Sorry.”

   “Don’t be.” Beckett sat across from him, “You obviously cared a great deal for her.”

   “I love her.” Connor stopped looking pained and not from his torn hands. “Loved her. She mentioned you.”

   “So you knew?”

   Connor’s head bobbed, “It was a year or so ago. Her car broke down and I was the tow truck that responded. She was very shy. I mean I talked to her for a good thirty minutes before she even looked at me. And when she did I was a goner.” His mouth curved at the memory, “There was a lot of work to do on her car so we got to talk a lot when she would come in to check on the progress. Or if we had to discuss her bill. I almost wanted to break something on her car so she’d come back. I knew someone had hurt her, I teach self-defense and had sensed the signs before. I told her about the class and after a few weeks she confided in me about Grey Greenstone.”

   Beckett tried not to react to the man’s name. “She must have trusted you a great deal to tell you.” It took Alexis, her, and Jenkins to get her to testify at Grey’s trail.

   “To get her to accept a date was a lot harder. She had it stuck in her head that no man could possibly find her attractive after what happened.”

   Beckett smiled herself, “But you proved her wrong.”

   “Kept saying no one could over her, but I did. I fell for her long before she told and told her it didn’t change the way I felt.  Her friend, the redhead who took the class with her, tried to get her to open up. That’s why she told me. I can’t remember her name.” Connor tried to think of it and came up blank, “It was because of her Beth took a chance.”

   “Alexis.” Beckett was proud to fill in the gap in his memory. The worked that Alexis did to help Grey’s victims was beyond words. Alexis could have let this experience scar her for life. But she rose up from it and did everything she could to help those like her so Grey didn’t win. “She’s my stepdaughter.”

   “I told her that I didn’t care what happened to her and that I would wait for as long she needed. Took me thirteen months for her to say yes to go out to dinner with me. In between that time I was the friend that she needed me to be. I tried to get her out of her comfort zone. To show her that the world wasn’t all bad.”

   Beckett thought back to the spa and hiking trips she found looking through her finical. The Beth she knew would hardly leave her house for more than hour at a time. Alexis had been the one to convince Beth to start branching out. They would meet for dinner once a week. Take trips out of the city for the day and other fun things. Anything to just get her out of the apartment. “Connor your DNA was found on her body.”

   The tips of Connor’s ears began to turn a deep shade of red, “We umm made love last night for the first time. We’ve been seeing each other for five months and she wanted to try. I wanted her to be sure. I never pushed her. When I left she seemed happy, but when I got all the missed phone calls I thought something happened. That maybe she had a flashback or regretted it.”

   “You said there was a voice on the message?”

   Connor was already pulling his cell phone out of his pocket, “I can’t be for certain.”

   “Do I have permission to give your phones to the techs? To see if we can get anything off that voice mail?”

   He swiped at the single tear that slipped down his cheek, “There is a voice mail she left me for my birthday last week.”

   “I promise we won’t erase it.”

   Connor placed his cell phone on the table, “Do you have any idea who could have done this?”

   Beckett took a moment to put the phone in an evidence bag and prepare herself for Jason’s reaction to her answer. “We have a good reason to believe it was Grey Greenstone.”

   His copper eyes narrowed, “He is in prison.”

   “He escaped.”

   “How?”

      Beckett opened her folder and laid the pictures of Grey’s to accomplices on the table. “With the help of these two men. He was allowed out to attend his mother’s funeral who was murdered almost two weeks ago.”

   “Why would you do that?”

   “Because at the time we believed that he knew something about the man who we suspected committed the crime.” Beckett fiddled with the pen in her hand. “But it was part of his plan.”

   Connor’s gaze drifted to the two photos and pointed to the one of Ray Paul, “I know this man.”

   “He was a correctional officer at the jail around the time you were there.”

   “No.” Connor picked it up, “He came into the shop a few days ago. This man was with him.” He gestured to the picture of Drew and felt his stomach drop. “Beth was there. She dropped by to bring me lunch.”

   She sat on the edge of her chair, “These two men saw Beth?”

   Connor took a moment to remember that day, trying to make sure that he got every detail right. “They showed up after her.” He informed, “They had a flat and they needed it changed. It looked like it had been slashed. I didn’t think much of it because Beth was waiting. The younger guy, the mixed one, took a bit of an interest in Beth. She’s an attractive woman so it wasn’t uncommon, but I didn’t like the way he was looking at her. She didn’t notice so I didn’t bring it up. We ate lunch, she left, and they did shortly after.”

   That’s how they found her. Drew must have been trailing her and keep tabs for whenever Grey got out.  Beckett tucked the photos back into her folder, “I’ll have a uniform drive you back to your car.”

   “I’ll walk.” Connor insisted. He needed a drink or several. “Did you call her mother?”

   “We tried to contact her, but her landlord said she was out on a vacation.”

   “I’ll call her.”

   “You did show her?”

   Connor looked up confused, “What?”

   “You showed her the world wasn’t so ugly.”

  His face crumbled again with grief, “I wanted to marry her.” His voice broke on his declaration. “I even bought a ring. I was going to ask her mother permission when she got home.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   The loft was dark when Beckett got home around eleven. Castle had left the foyer light on so she could easily put her coat up and giving her a clear path towards the bedroom. She heard the stair creek and put a hand on the gun on her hip. Could have Grey gotten in? The alarm had been set and they lived with a doorman on a twenty-four-hour guard, but this wasn’t a fortress. There were ways around it and Grey had the money to make anything possible. Trying to calm her breathing, Beckett started to inch out from behind the door.

   “Nathaniel James Castle.” Beckett was mortified that she nearly pulled her gun on her own child. “What are you doing out of bed? It’s way past your bedtime.”

   The four-year-old clutched his beloved dragon, “I heard you come in.”

   ‘I’m sorry, sweetie.” Since getting the safe in the office was out of the question, Beckett carefully placed it on the top shelf of the foyer closet after taking out the magazine and triple checking to make sure the safety was on. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

   “Couldn’t sleep.” He said with his thumb in his mouth and tilted his head. “You look sad again Mamma.”

   Beckett closed the closet door, “I am but-.” She swept her son into her arms and started back up the stairs to his bedroom. “I’m doing much better now. Did you have another nightmare?”

   “No.”

   “Than what are you doing out of bed?” She wondered pushing her way into his room.

   Nate snuggled into his pillow when she laid him back on his bed, “I wanted to see you.”

   That made her smile. She hated when she wasn’t home in time to tuck him in, but no matter what the time she would sneak into his room to replace the sheets that he always kicked off in his sleep and give him a goodnight kiss. On a rare occasion, Nate would wake up and want to know about her day. He always wanted to know if she and his uncles got the bad guys. “Did you have a fun time with your dad and sister?”

   He nodded, “Lex read me a bedtime story before she left and then Daddy read me three.”

   “You got four bedtime stories and you’re still awake.” This kid could sucker a thirsty man out of his last glass of water. She wanted to blame it all on Castle, but Beckett knew she was equally to blame. “You expect one from me now?”

   “No.”

   Beckett tucked his Mets sheets around him, “You think you can sleep?”

   “Can you sign to me?” Nate softly asked hugging Drake close. 

   Smiling, Beckett slipped into the bed next to her son. The boy happily curled into her side, using her head as his pillow. Singing wasn’t something that Nate requested often. Usually was something he reserved when he was sick of afraid of a bad storm. Beckett knew that he was being affected by all the stress, fear, and sadness of the past couple of weeks though she was sure Nate didn’t know the reason behind it. Sometimes she forgot just how impressionable kids were. “What do you want me to sing?”

   Nate tilted his head to look up at her, “The song Grandma Jo use to sing to you.”

   Beckett started humming the opening bars of her mother’s favorite lullaby. She first sang it to Nate when he was only a week old. She hadn’t been aware of the words coming from her mouth until Castle came into the room awed by her voice. He had asked about the song because it wasn’t one that he ever heard. She told him it was one that her mother used to sing when she was little. As Beckett sang the song now, she could recall clear as day those nights she’d be laying with her head on her mother’s lap listening to the flow of her voice as she sang. It was a simple three verse song and every time she would be out before her mouth got to the chorus.

   She looked down and smiled. Nate had curled against her, with his stuffed animal pressed to her heart his eyes growing heavy. Just as she got to the chorus he gave a little yawn and dropped off like a rock. 

  

  

  


	6. 8 AM Conversation

   Two things Beckett noticed when she woke the next morning. One Nate was no longer snuggled against her and two she was no longer the boy’s bed. A third, she found after shifting in the bed, was that she was wearing nothing but one of Castle’s shirts. Smiling, she turned to find her husband leaning against the doorframe with that smile she loved seeing first thing in the morning. “Hey, handsome.”

   “Hey.” He tilted his head, “A man might get jealous if he finds his wife in a bed with another man.”

   “What can I say?” She couldn’t help but tease him, “I’m a sucker for a man with blue eyes.”

   Laughing, he moved to sit on the edge of the bed, “I guess I have myself to blame for that.”

  Beckett traced her fingertips over his lips, “good thing I have enough love in my heart for the both of you. Speaking of the man, where is he?”

   “Mother is cooking him breakfast. What time did you get in?”

   “A little before midnight. I had a lead that I thought would lead me somewhere.”

   “Did it?” Castle asked hopefully. He got his answer by the look in her eyes. It haunted her that Grey was still on the street, that because of the deal her station made Beth was dead, and now he was free to rape and kill again. “Did you call Alexis about it?”

   “I left her a message. She didn’t stay?”

   “No.” it bothered him more he could say. He knew his daughter was a grown woman and had a life of her own. Knew that he couldn’t lock her up in some high tower. Somewhere in the last seven years, Castle had come to the painful realization that Alexis had another man in her life to be the protector. “She got worried because Jeremy wasn’t answering his phone so she went home.”

   “I’m worried about him too,” Beckett confessed.

   Castle brushed her hair from her face, “Me too, but for now you need to take a shower and come have breakfast with your son.”

   “Rick it’s almost eight. I need to go in.” Beckett argued. It wasn’t like she didn’t want to spend time with her family; it was she couldn’t until she found Grey. She wouldn’t sit in her kitchen eating pancakes while that man walking around the city. “Rick please-.”

   In a move to silence her, he slammed his mouth to hers.  She could taste the bitter edge of annoyance and anger making her feel ashamed. It was so easy for her to slip back into her old habits by putting her job before everything. She did it more than she liked and it made her wonder why her husband was so patience with her in such matters.

   Patience was something Castle prided himself on. Some days it was harder than others to make sure he had it. Today was one of those days. He knew her job and the passion she had for the victims, it was one of the things that made him fall for her.  He also knew that it took someone opening her eyes to tell her when it was time to take a step back. “Listen to me.” Castle cradled her face in his hands, their mouth a breath apart. “He wants this control. He wants you to make yourself sick over what he’s doing because he wants you to think this is your fault.”

   “It is Rick.” Beckett gripped his shoulders to keep herself grounded, “I knew he was up to something and I still let the deal happen.”

   “Last time I checked you weren’t Captain Gates and if you are this a little awkward.”

    She laughed. God damn the man for being able to get through to her when she couldn’t do it herself. “I’m sorry Rick.” It seemed like she was saying those words way too much. “I just want him locked up again.”

   And Castle wanted him dead, but he was going to keep that thought to himself. He wasn’t going to allow the monster to steal these moments from them. “You missing breakfast with your son isn’t going to hinder that. So.” He kissed the tip of her nose, “Take a shower and come meet us in the kitchen.”

   “Wait.” She stopped him from moving away. Beckett didn’t realize how much she needed this moment. “Just don’t go yet.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

      “Kate.”

   Beckett’s head popped up at the sound of her stepdaughter’s voice and was surprised to see Alexis dressed in scrubs hovering near her father’s chair. The last time she saw the redhead was nearly three days ago. “Alexis.” She closed her file to shut away the horrid images. She didn’t need her last memories of Beth to be those. “What are you doing here?”

   “Had clinical at the hospital and had a break,” Alexis explained wringing her hands together. Something she did when she was conflicted.

   Beckett nudged the empty chair in invitation, “What’s on your mind, Lex?”

   Alexis plopped down, and much like her father began to fiddle with the objects on her desk. “Is he coming after me?”

   The question surprised Beckett. For the past few days, Alexis had shown great resolve in not letting this entire take over her life. “I don’t know.” She repeated the answer she gave her a few days earlier. They were still no closer in understanding what Grey’s motive was behind all of this and it was starting to piss Beckett off.

   Alexis’s gaze flickered to the murder board making her tired face grow soft. She had bonded with Beth over the past seven years and was still processing her senseless murder. “Poor Connor.”

   “I know.” Beckett felt bad for even putting him on the suspect list for even a brief moment. Just with that one dark spot on his record, she had tried to jump to conclusions. A part of her wanted this murder to not connect with Grey.  “I’ll figure this out.” Beckett wasn’t sure if she said it for Alexis’s benefit or her own.

   “I know you will.” Alexis was confident.

   As the silence stretched on and Alexis continued to fidget, Beckett came to realize that she came wanting to discuss something else. “All right spill it.”

   Apparently, that was all Alexis needed. “When you were shot you said you ran because you needed space to sort things out.” Alexis started, “About Montgomery and your feelings for my father.”

   “Among other things.” Beckett confirmed, “I for all intensive purpose died I flatlined at least twice and knowing that made me have to sit down and think about things.”

   The young woman raised a brow, “like?”

   Beckett leaned back in her chair to think. That moment would forever be front and center in her mind and it still crept in her nightmares from time to time.  But that moment almost seemed like another lifetime. Around that horrible memory, she had formed ones of laughter, of love, and everything in between. “About what I wanted to do with my life. I had to stop and think was this job something I still wanted to do? I needed to know who I was. What I wanted in life. Who-.”

   “You wanted to be within your life?” Alexis finished flinching at her own words.

   “Honey,” Beckett reached to still her busy hands, “what’s going on?”

   Ever since the shooting Jeremy he’s-he’s been pulling away.” She softly confessed only confirming what her stepmother might have suspected. Maybe not her father or her grandmother, but Beckett would have known. Over the past few weeks, Jeremy had held it together when with her family. He had his moments of incoherence at dinner, but he kept it pretty contain. At home that wasn’t the case. “I’ve tried to talk to him or get him to seek help, but he just pushes me off. He sleeps on the couch, that’s even if he sleeps at all and is always gone before I wake.”

   “Alexis I wish I could explain to you what Jeremy is going through. He took a life.” Beckett softly reminded wishing she had the magic to fix everything. Her mother’s instincts wanting to make everything right. “Even though that life was of an evil man, it was still a life.”

   Tears streamed down her face, “what can I do, Kate? I feel like I’m losing him. We’ve been through so much together.”

   Beckett knew just how much because Alexis had turned to her through all of it. Over the past seven years the couple had their ups and downs but always came stronger. “Just don’t back down. I mean don’t push him because I know from experience he’s just going to withdraw further.  “Just-.” Beckett faltered for a moment until she was able to find the right words. “Just love him, Alexis. Because when you love someone, truly deeply love someone, you stick by and accept the good, bad, frustrating, and everything in between. When things get though you don’t run. You may break down and cry sometimes or kick something, but you never run.”

   “You and dad make it look so easy.”

   Beckett let out a small bark of laughter, “loving him is easy, but loving me well let’s say your father has had it harder. We’ve had our ups and down, along with fights that leads us not to talk to each other for days.” She jerked her head towards the break room, “Hell I’ve spent a few nights on that couch.”

  “Really?”

   “Of course, but eventually we’ve worked things out and have more good days than bad.” Beckett didn’t need to get into the rough patch in the first months of their marriage as she was present to see it. Plus it wasn’t something Beckett really liked to spend time thinking about.  Her actions that nearly lost her Castle and lead to her first miscarriage was too to even try. “That boy is crazy about you, Alexis.”

   Alexis scrubbed a hand over tired face, “When dad called me what was going on, my heart stopped. I kind of lost it. I mean one second I was holding the phone talking and the next I was on my knees and could hear dad screaming through the phone that I dropped. I was like that for ten minutes.” She lifted her gaze to look at her stepmother. “How does dad do it? Every time you walk out that door there is a chance you’ll never walk through it again.”

   “Our job is not easy and those who love us have it very hard.” Beckett had tried to prepare Alexis the best she could when Jeremy entered the academy. Now that she looked back, there was really no amount of readiness one could do when things went bad on the job. “The only thing you can do is love him.” Beckett offered the same advice her father gave Castle when he asked the exact question. “Don’t let a day go by where you don’t say how you feel about one another. Every day you do just that wither you’re showing by actions or words so that if something does go wrong on the job your last day together would have been one where you know there was love.”  

   Alexis folded her arms on top of the desk and rest her head there. “What if this is his way of telling me he doesn’t want to be with me anymore?”

   Beckett ran a soothing hand over the young woman’s hair, “Than its going to hurt like hell, but you’ll get through it. You’re stronger than you think.”

0o0o0o0oo0o0o

   Juggling an arm full of takeout food and still somehow managing to hold his son’s hand, Castle skidded around the corner of the hallway leading to the loft. The writer nearly dropped all the food when Nate yanked free from his grasp and took off. “Nathan.”

   “Germ-y!” The boy called before launching himself at the man in question.

   Castle watched a smile, one that he hadn’t really seen in a few weeks, cross Jeremy’s haunted face as he hoisted Nate into his arms. “Hey.” Now with his other hand free, Castle disturbed the food evenly. “What are you doing here?”

   “I well Alexis isn’t here,” Jeremy said in way of an explanation. That surprised the writer with his question, “Is Kate home?”

   “At the station.” Castle decided to withhold the information that Alexis was there. “She should be home in about an hour. C’mon stay for dinner.”

   “I do it!” Nate jumped down from Jeremy’s arms to take the keys from his father. It took several attempts, but eventually, he slid the key into the bottom lock before moving to the upper one.

   Castle watched amused as his son had to stand on the tips of his toes to even reach. It was almost not enough. ‘Need help?”

   “Nope.” With his tongue tucked in his cheek, Nate put all his concentration in the task at hand.  After several long minutes, he unlocked it, threw open the door proud of himself, and charged inside.

   Castle saw Jeremy hesitate, “C’mon.” He bumped his shoulder before following his son.

   Jeremy had no choice but to follow. It was impossible to say no a Castle after all.

   Beckett arrived home about thirty minutes later and stopped in the threshold when she saw Jeremy sat at the counter engaged in a conversation with her husband. “Umm.” She finally closed the door behind her. “Hi.”

   “Mommy!” Nate was across the loft and in his mother’s arms in a blink of an eye.

   “Hey, sweetie.” Beckett rained kissed over his face until it was scarlet from his laughing. “So.” With her son perched on her hip, she joined the two men at the counter. “What’s up?”

   Castle watched Jeremy drop his gaze and start to pick at the food he hardly ate. “Oh, you know some male bonding.”

   “Hmmm.” Beckett carefully sat Nate on the edge of the counter. “Bonding?”

   “Yeah.”

   “All right then.” Beckett knew when not to push. “I think its past time for the runt’s bath.”

   “I’ll do it.” Castle volunteered, “You need to eat because I know you haven’t.”

   She glared at him, “I-.” she tried to think to the last time she put anything in her stomach. She doubted the M&Ms she shared with Alexis counted as eating. When Castle raised a brow, she saved, “Can eat.”

   “Come on my son.” Castle picked up the boy like a football and head towards the stairs leaving the two cops alone.

   Beckett took a seat beside Jeremy and watched him for a few moments. Apparently, his food seemed to be the most interesting thing in the room as he wouldn’t look up from it. “You know you have to pick up for it to get into your mouth.”

   Jeremy pushed his plate away, “Not all that hungry.”

   Okay, so there was another reason besides dinner for him to be here. Beckett wondered if she was up for another emotional talk. The one with Alexis had been rough, especially when the redhead starting crying. If there was one thing she couldn’t handle was seeing her stepdaughter cry. It just cut straight at the heart. “So I heard you’re fully healed. That you can go back to work once you clear your psych exam.”

   The young man just shrugged.

   Beckett let the moment stretch on before trying again, “I hear we might get snow this weekend.”

   Nothing.

   Well so much for getting him to start talking. It looked like she was going to have to jump start this one like she did with Alexis earlier. “I nearly died. Well, actually I died. Twice to be exact.” That got Jeremy to jerk his head up to look at her. Beckett had to take a moment to control the flare of emotions remembering that day. Sometimes it snuck up on her that she indeed died that day and despite her tone, she was anything but okay with it. “Rick was there in the ambulance when I flat lined the first time. He tried to take a bullet for me. I remembered him begging me to stay with him as I passed out. The last thing that I remember was him saying he loved me. I wait for years to hear that.”

   Jeremy’s brow drew up in confusion, “I don’t understand if he told you that then. Why did it take you so long to get together?”

   “To be perfectly honest I woke up, told him I didn’t remember and ran as fast as I could.” Something else she wasn’t proud of, but there was no reason to dwell on the past. Plus things worked themselves out in the end. “For months I didn’t speak to him or anyone besides my father, even which was very little. I was trying to spate myself from everyone. Trying to focus on making sure that nothing changed. But there was no going back because the moment that bullet was fired it changed everything.”

   “When.” Jeremy licked his lips in anticipation of his question, “When you came back was it easy? I mean thinking about holding a weapon again make my stomach turn.” He dropped his gaze to his food again, this time ashamed of his declaration. “I guess I’m not made to be a cop. My mom was right and now I can’t stand the fact that Alexis must feel so ashamed to be with me.”

   “Hold it right there.” Beckett was so not qualified for these parental talks. Castle had way more experience at them. How could he think such a thing? It physically hurt Beckett’s heart to hear him think so little of himself. “You’re a great cop and your mother knows that. She’s just afraid for you. It’s what mother’s do.” That one she knew and could relate with.

   “But-.”

   She didn’t let him interrupt, “And Alexis is anything but ashamed to be with you. She came to me today devastated because she thinks you’re going to look at your life and realize you can do better.” The statement mortified him and Beckett found herself pleased. “Everything you’re going through is normal. I did everything I was supposed to in order to heal. Two months later I walked into the bullpen thinking I was okay. Then I got my piece back and it felt like ice going through my veins. I told myself that I was okay while I keep pushing away people who just wanted to help me. I wanted to do it on my own, but I realized this wasn’t something I could do just by myself because this isn’t something you’ll wake up and be over it.”

   “So it’s-it’s okay that I’m not ready?” His voice broke with tears that were filling his eyes.

   “Of course it is.” His head came to rest in the crook of her arm as she pulled him against her. She ran a soothing hand over his hair, something she always did to calm Nate. “Your job isn’t going anywhere and most importantly the ones you love aren’t either. So stop pushing them away.”

   After allowing himself a moment to get some of his suppress tears out, he straightened up in his chair with a more pressing matter on his mind. “Alexis really thinks that?” When she nodded, he cursed and pushing himself on to his shaky legs. “She’s doing clinical right?”

   “Right.”

   How could he have let this happen? Alexis was the best thing in his life. He felt sick, “I need to ask you one more thing.”

   Ten minutes and very frazzling conversation, Beckett closed the door behind Jeremy and leaned against it. “Well.” She looked at her husband who was still looking a little pale about the whole thing. “That went okay.”

   “Okay.” Castle wasn’t sure if that’s how he would have described the last ten minutes of his life, but it was a start. He was still a bit shell shocked by Jeremy’s question and more importantly the answer he gave. “I think I need to sit down.”

   Beckett laughed when he did so in the middle of the foyer floor. “You okay there, babe?”

   “I don’t- I don’t know.” Castle rubbed his face, “I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut.”

   “Tell me about it.” Beckett decided to join him and laid her head on his shoulder. “I’ve had two very emotional conversations that I wasn’t qualified for. You’re the one who has been a parent longer. I’m sure you wouldn’t have sound so speech-y.”

   “Think the word you’re looking for is verbose.” Castle supplied. “Which you were. Actually, you do that quite a bit, but you did an okay job.”

   “Thank,” Beckett said with a bit of uncertainty. “I think.”

   Castle stared at the door, “You think she’s-.”

   “Of course she is.”

   “Oh god.” He closed his eyes and was ever so grateful for the distraction of his son asking for a bedtime story.

  

  


	7. 6 AM Question

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you might have realized that Nathan's age as changed. I was going to change it, but I think I'm just going to make him have a birthday in between the earlier chapters. Now that would have been something we seen which is why there will be a missing scene companion to this story like there was with the first story. I think some of you guys might have guess where this chapter was going! Anyways sorry for the delay and hope you enjoy this! (any mistakes are mine and I take full responsibility for them!)

   When six am rolled around and her shift ended, Alexis found herself lingering at the hospital not ready to leave just yet. She told herself, as she perched herself on a forgotten gurney in the empty ward that she was waiting until there were more people on the street to cloak her from Grey. The truth was Alexis didn’t want to go home to a house that would be empty. Alexis pulled her legs to her chest and rested her cheek on her knees. Her talk with Beckett was supposed to put her mind at ease and for a while it did. But when she left to her own thoughts, Alexis couldn’t help but think about the worst-case scenario. She just wished she knew how to get him through to Jeremy and help him. She just wanted to chance to do what he did for her after her attack.

   “Lex.”

   She looked up to see a fellow medical student standing down the hall, “Hey Christine.”

   The young woman pushed her glasses back on her face, “There is someone asking for you at the front desk. They sent me to find you.”

   Her blood ran cold with fear, “What was his name? What did he look like?”

   “Umm it started with a J I think.” Christine tried to think of the full name only to come up empty. She did remember what he looked like because she had to do a double take.

   Alexis slowly relaxed when her classmate started to described her boyfriend, “That’s Jeremy.” Why was he here? He hadn’t come to see her or drive her home since the shooting. Forcing her mind no to go running off, she unfolded herself and hopped off the gurney. “Front desk?”

   “Yeah.” She tried to read the redhead’s expression, “Do you want me to tell security to kick him out?”

   “No.” As much as she wanted to run away, Alexis knew it was better to face this problem head-on. “I can handle it. Thanks, Chris.”

   Taking her time, Alexis eventually made her way to the main lobby to find Jeremy leaning against a wall with his hands stuffed deep in his pockets. His hair was disheveled and he was still wearing the same jeans and dark t-shirt she had last seen him in. Wasn’t that two days ago? Or was it threes? He had left abruptly without even taking a jacket during dinner. Somewhere in the last two days, he had picked up a jacket that looked suspiciously like one her father owned. Alexis closed her own coat around her like a shield, “What are you doing here?”

   He jerked to attention at the sound of her voice, “Hey.” Jeremy tried to smile but it soon faded at her stoic face. He tried to let that get to him. After all, Alexis had every right to be upset with him. “Can we go for a walk and talk?”

   “C’mon.” Alexis started for the door and froze when she realized that he was still leaning against the wall. She found it almost comical the way he started her with his mouth open like a fish. “You coming?”

   “Yeah.” Jeremy jogged to catch up with her just as they hit the sidewalk. He noticed the way he shoulders stiffen as she scanned her surroundings before pushing forward. She didn’t relax even when they crossed the street to a park. Jeremy felt sick knowing that she was looking for Grey. In his haze of self-pity or whatever it was, he had completely checked out and had ignored Alexis was going through. He couldn’t imagine what fear she must feel every day; it seemed what he was going through was so insignificant. “God Lex I’m so sorry.”

   Alexis took a seat on an empty swing, “For what?”

   Of course, she was going to make him work for this. Jeremy sat down in the swing next to her, “you’ve been walking around in fear.” She opened her mouth to correct him only he didn’t give her a chance. “I saw you looking over your shoulder the moment you stepped outside. Even now you’re tense.”

   Since he pointed it out, Alexis forced her shoulders to relax. “A man who attacked me and tried to kill my stepmother is on the loose.” She kindly reminded. “But you’ve been too wrapped up by yourself that you failed to notice.”

   “No I-.” He stopped his argument when he realized that what she said had some truth to it. “Look I haven’t been myself lately.”

   “You think?” Alexis snorted and held up her hands in surrender at his glare. No matter how much she was hurting at the moment, she was going to push aside her bitterness and let him finish. “Sorry.”

  “I took a life that night and it shook me. I mean I tried to avoid it, but he was going to kill the woman.”

   “You did what was right.”

   “I still made the conscious choice to pull that trigger.” Jeremy dropped his gaze to his hands remembering the blood that had coated them that night. “All I could think about was the night my father died and wondered if this was what I wanted for my life. The constant risk. The knowledge that there will more situations like this and that I could be capable of taking a life.”

   “It wasn’t like you did it in cold blood.” Alexis pointed out horrified that he thought he was capable of taking a life freely. “The simple fact that it's eating you up so bad separates you from those monsters that kill without remorse.”

   Well, that never accrued to him. Maybe he should have spent more time talking to her then to himself. Nearly three weeks and his mind got nowhere close to that conclusion. “This whole experience made me rethink something in my life and I’ve come to some conclusions. I know you’re not going to like some.”

   Her heart sank straight to her stomach, “I see.”

   “I’ve done a lot of thinking and talk to your dad and Kate.”

   That hurt. “You’ve talked to everyone but me.”

   “I handled this whole situation very badly. I’ve treated you like tired and have taken you for granted. I can’t hope to even make up for all I’ve done or if I even deserve that chance.” Suddenly nervous, Jeremy wiped his hands on his jeans. He had such an elegant speech planned about how he was an ass and how sorry he was. He wanted to explain what he was feeling, the insecurities he had about being a good cop or the fact he felt like he wasn’t a good enough man for her. “Damn it I’m not doing this right.”

   Was there even a right way to break up with someone? Alexis closed her eyes in hopes to gather strength to get through this gratefully. Beckett was right. It was going to hurt like hell. She just hoped that she had enough strength to get away before the tears came. For now, she was just going to have to grit and bear it. 

   “Alexis look at me please.” Jeremy pleaded and she complied. Her eyes rounded to the size of saucers when he pulled out a ring from his pocket. “Alexis Harper Castle I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you do the honor of being my wife?”

   It took a long moment for the entire situation to register. When it did Alexis shot to her feet so fast she nearly knocked the man over. “Oh my God, you’re proposing!”

   Jeremy stumbled to his feet baffled, “Umm yes.” He looked down at the ring to assure himself, “I am.”

   “You’re proposing?” Alexis repeated equally as baffled by his actions. “I..I..” She watched him pale fear her response. “I thought you were breaking up with me.”

  “Breaking up?” The very thought caused Jeremy’s heart to ache. “God no Alexis I love you. I have since that day you punched me under the playground. I know I’ve pulled away and basically been an ass to you, but my feelings for you have never changed. I come to realize that the only way I’m going to get through this is you.”

   “You said you might make changes that I wasn’t going to like.” Alexis pointed out.

   “And you thought that change was you?” Had he hurt her so bad by his callousness over the weeks? he had been so caught up in his own pain he didn’t see what he was doing to the woman he loved. “I was talking about maybe leaving the force. I didn’t want you to be ashamed of me.”

   “You know I never would,” Alexis whispered.

   Jeremy let out a small laugh, “I guess you can say I haven’t been thinking straight. And I’ve ruined this.” He threw up his hands in frustration, “I’m sorry Alexis. Let’s just forget this.”

   “What no!” Alexis grabbed a fist full of his shirt taking the cop by surprise. “Do you want to marry me?”

   He face lit up with a smile he hadn’t really used in weeks, “Of course I do. I just messed this up. You deserve-.”

   “I don’t care if it’s not perfect.” Tears were filling her eyes and she gestured to clenched hand, “Is that ring for me?”

   A goofy-grinned crossed his face, “You betcha.”

   “And you want to be my husband? Have a boatload of kids and spend the rest of our lives together?” She laughed at his enthusiastic nodding. Alexis held out her hand, “What are you waiting for?”

   “Yes? You’re saying yes?” His answer was a kiss that had him seeing stars. It took him at least a minute before he could find his voice. “Is that a yes?”

   “Yes!” Alexis giggled.

   “Yes!” laughing, Jeremy seized her into his arms and twirled them in dizzy circles. In between tears and laughter, they shared kisses until they stumbled and ended up on their asses. Even though his hands were shaking, Jeremy took hold over her hand and slipped the ring. “I think it should fit. If it doesn’t fit we can get it resized or if you don’t like it-.”

   Alexis looked down at the ring nestles on her finger, “its Johanna’s.” A burst of emotions went through her so fast it left her in tears.  It was an evident reminder of his much her stepmother loved her.

   Suddenly nervous, he ran a hand through his wild hair, “Yeah I went to ask them for permission.” It accord to him now she might be hurt or maybe offended that he had asked Beckett instead of her birth mother and by doing that the ring didn’t hold any mean at all. “She umm, Kate I mean, game me a good knock to the head to make me see clearer and offered the ring. I umm I thought-.” The force of her embrace had him flat on his back. “This means you like it?”

   “It’s perfect.” She assured kissing him senseless. “This doesn’t mean I’m not still mad at you.”

   “I know.” Jeremy didn’t think he would get off that easy. “I don’t mind spending the rest of my life making it up to you.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   Beckett awoke to laughter and some squealing coming from the living room. She could make out Martha’s voice and her son’s. What surprised her straight out of bed was hearing Alexis and Jeremy in the mixture.  Pulling on a robe, the mother went to go investigate.

   “Oh, Kate you’re awake.” Martha pulled her to the center of the living room where the family gathered around the young couple. The older woman was busting at the seams with excitement. “In time to hear the most wonderful new.”

   “Is it still Saturday?” Beckett joked before sitting down on her husband’s lap. “Seriously guys it like seven in the morning on a Sunday. One, why is everyone up? Two why are you all so cheerful?”  

   “Here.” Castle nudged his cup of coffee in her willing hands, “Drink.”

   She exchanged it for a kiss before taking a nice long sip, pleased to see Jeremy smiling again. “Okay. What is it?”

   Named jumped on to the couch equally as excited as his grandmother, “Lexi is getting married, Mommy!”

   Hooting with laughter, Beckett set her coffee down and engulfed the happy couple with a monstrous embrace.  “I’m so happy for you two!” She pulled away to touch a hand to Jeremy’s face, “Did I say there was nothing to worry about?” She turned to Alexis, “Let me see how it looks.”

   Alexis clasped hands with Beckett, “Kate are you sure? I mean-.”

   “No, it looks perfect,” Beckett assured fighting tears. The ring held so many bitter memories over the years for her. It was time that it was the subject of happy ones. She felt her husband’s hand across her back, “It’s yours if you want it.”

   “Your mother-.”

   “Would want me to give it to my daughter.” Beckett swiped the lone tear trailing down the young woman’s face.  “She would have loved you, Alexis. Both of you.”

   Alexis threw her arms around her, “Thank you so much, Kate.”

   Laughing, Beckett ran a hand over her long fiery hair, “Whatever for?”

   “For loving me even though I’m not your own. For guiding me these last ten or so years.” She tightened her hold not ready to let go. Though her relationship with her own mother had been mostly repaired, Alexis still was grateful for every day that Beckett was in her life. In her father’s life.  The two of them together made an awesome team that managed to hold things together pretty well. Seeing them, it’s what she and Jeremy strived to have in a relationship. “Thank you for just being you.”

   “Never thank me for that and always remember that I will love you and I’m so proud to call you my daughter.”

   “All right enough of this mushy stuff.” Castle clasped his hands together, “We need to celebrate and it’s no celebration at seven in the morning without pancakes.”

   Nate climbed up on his father’s face, “And French toast?”

   “The works.” Castle smiled, “Now let’s go destroy the kitchen!”

   Sometime after demolishing three stacks of pancakes and French toast, Alexis sat on the couch nestles in Jeremy’s arms dozing. After nearly three weeks of barely touching being so close to him was almost overwhelming. She rested a hand over his heart, smiling when it brought the ring right into her line of vision. “I’ve missed you.”

   He cradled her hand with his own, his thumb stroking the cool metal. “I’ve missed you too.” Missed all of this. By pulling himself into the blackness of despair he had cut himself from all that love and support he needed. Of course, his mother was missing, but Jeremy mused it was going to take a little while longer for her to come around.

   Alexis tilted her head to look at him. For the first time, his eyes were free of demons and ghost. They would be back of course. Everything wasn’t magically fixed because he put a ring on her finger. It just meant that they were going to deal with this together. “No matter what you decide know that I will stand by and love you. Nothing will change that.”

   “I go tomorrow to talk to a shrink. Will you go with me?”

   “Of course.”

   Castle joined his wife, who was watching the couple by leaning against her counter and gave her a hip a bump with his own. “Think he will be okay?”

   “Eventually.” There was still a bumpy road ahead, but Beckett felt that with Alexis he was going to make it. “He’ll have to shoulder this weight, but he will bounce back. He’s a strong kid.”

   “Think he’s really going to turn in his shield?” A small part of him hoped that he would. Castle knew it would stop his daughter from going through this all over again. Being married to a cop wasn’t for the faint of heart. He glanced at Beckett watching her chew on her bottom lip in thought. They had their ups and downs over the years, had many fights about her career, but in the end, Castle had always realized that the job was part of her. Asking her to leave her job would mean asking her to change who she was.

   “I don’t think he will,” Beckett answered honestly. “It’s in his blood. Being a cop I much a part of him as breathing.”

   “Sound familiar,” Castle smirked.

   “Beckett turned to look at him, “Thank you, Rick.”

   His face softened at the sincerity in her voice leaving him baffled, “For?”

    “Putting up with me and my job. It hasn’t been easy umpf.” Suddenly, Beckett found her face cradled in her husband’s hands with his mouth working skillfully against hers.

   Beckett felt her hands clutch almost helplessly at his shoulders and knew he had succeeded in clearing her mind with whatever none sense she was thinking. Pulling away, he nuzzled her nose with his, “I love you, Kate.” He reminded like he did every day. “All of you. Good, bad, ugly and everything in between you’re stuck with me.”

   “Awww mushy stuff.” Nate groaned causing his parents to draw away, “Lexi and Germ-y are doing it too.”

    “Sorry little man but you better get use to it.” Castle swung him into his arms making his son giggle. “Because one day you’re going to kiss girls-.”

   The young Castle made a face, “No way.”

   “Yes way.”

   “But not until your much older.” Beckett broke in. “Much much older. Like when you’re thirty.”

   “That’s way old.” Nate groaned causing his parents to laugh.

   “That’s old.” Beckett had a look of mock horror on her face, “Then what are we? Ancient?”

   Nate found himself upside down and being tickled by both his parents. “Stop! Stop!” He spoke red-faced until he was finally right side up. “You’re not old! You’re just a mommy and daddy!”

    That was four year old logic! Castle set him down, “Go bug your sister so your mom and I can finish cleaning this mess.”

   “Okay!” Nate happily obliged

  

  

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To note I did write this series in between season 5 and 6 so I pulled from the season 5 finale.


	8. 8 AM Revelation

   The next morning, Beckett sat down at her desk armed with a cup of coffee and a copy of Elissa’s will. After nearly three weeks of red tape, they were able to get their hands on it. It was still unsure if it would do them any good. To Beckett, it warranted a look at. If Drew went through the trouble to get it then it must lead somewhere.

   “So is it true?” Esposito perched himself on the edge of the LT’s desk drawing her attention from the document. “Our girl is getting married?”

   “As a matter of fact yes. Jeremy asked her yesterday morning.” She struggled not to laugh at his somber expression. “What? You like the guy!”

    “So.” Esposito grumbled, “She’s too young.”

   “You’re starting to sound like Rick. Plus she’s nearly twenty-six and it’s not like they’re going to get tomorrow.” Beckett pointed out with a smile.

   “Well yeah, you know.” The man muttered fiddling with one of her elephants. “It’s a lot to process.”

   “If Lanie is having a girl than she’s not going to be able to date until she’s’ at least thirty.” He thought for a moment and changed his mind, “Maybe Forty.”

   “Having.” Beckett put the document down and focused all her attention on the man sitting on the edge of her desk. His hands stilled and his eyes went wide. She pinned him with a look, “Is Lanie pregnant, Javi? More importantly, why didn’t she tell me?”

   Esposito motioned for her to lower her voice. Plus if Ryan found out that she was told before him his partner would break his nose. “We’re not sure that’s why. She was going to take a test today.” A smile split his face, “But she has a feeling. I think I’m going to be a dad, Kate.”

   Squealing, Beckett threw her arms around him. “And you’re going to be a great one, Espo.” She kissed his cheek, “I’m so happy for you two!”

   “When she tells you, you have to act surprised. If she knows I spilled the beans, I’m going to be sleeping on the couch until it’s born.”

   “Lips are sealed.” Beaming, Beckett dropped back into her seat. This was what she needed. A wonderful weekend with her family and fantastic news about the ones she loved. She had to refocus her mind on the document on her desk. “Elissa’s will came in. Any hit on Drew or Ray’s finicals.”

   “None. They’re using cash or just not moving at all.” Esposito informed moving back to his own desk.  “So far Grey has been keeping a distance from his other victims. It seems like he’s waiting.”

   “Would be nice to know for what.” Beckett went back to the tedious job of reading Elissa’s will. Thankfully having both parents who were lawyers made it easy for Beckett to decipher all the legal none sense. Since Elissa didn’t have any surviving family besides Grey most of her assets were liquidated and given to various charities. A big sum of her money went to her maid and other help that worked for her. Beckett was surprised that she had left money to each of her son’s victims.  Beth was set to receive a larger amount than any others as well as Beth’s mother. Beckett jotted down another name she didn’t recognize to run. “Espo I’ve got some names for you to look at. Elissa left a lot of money to two in particular. Focus on them first.”

   Esposito rolled his chair to take the list, “On it.”

   After a quick phone call to Beth’s mother, Lucy showed up at the station with Ryan as her escort.  The older woman looked worn down and her eyes were bloodshot from her hours of crying no doubt.  Beckett met them outside on empty room and motioned inside. “Thank you for coming down.” Beckett started as she sat. “Can I get you some coffee?”

   “No.” Lucy quipped folding her hands on her lap. “I would like to get this over with as quickly as possible. I am in the middle of planning my daughter’s funeral.”

   “We won’t keep you long,” Ryan promised becoming the voice of reason in the room. “Just a few questions.”

   “I was wondering if you could explain your relationship with Elissa’s Greenstone.” Beckett started off. The question struck a chord in the way Lucy’s spine stiffened.

   “I had no relationship with that woman.” Lucy bitterly spoke disgusted by even the thought. “Her son raped my daughter twice and then brutally murdered her.”

   Beckett pulled out her copy of Elissa’s will from the folder she held, “In her will, Elissa left close to a quarter of a million dollars to each of his victims.”

   Lucy’s whiskey-colored eyes flared, “The nerve of that woman! Thinking money will pay for her son’s sins. She tried that after the trail too.” She huffed her face beet red. “My Beth sent it back. I told her to burn it, but Beth wasn’t vindictive. She was a sweet girl and that monster destroyed that. She was so innocent-.” The older woman stopped looking flustered.

   Knowing she was about to say something she didn’t want her to know, Ryan pressed on. “So innocent that what, Mrs. Martin?”

   “Nothing. Look I don’t-.”

   “Mrs. Martin you’re not telling me something. It may not mean something to you, but it might mean something to this case.” The silence was Beckett’s response. The Lieutenant slide over the legal document and pointed to the passage about the woman in front of her in the document. “Does whatever you’re keeping have anything to do with Elissa Greenstone leaving you a half a million dollars?”

   A vein in Lucy’s cheek twitched, “it was payment.” She finally confessed after a long stretch of silence. “Beth wouldn’t take it, so we agreed I would.”

   Ryan leaned forward in his chair, “Payment for what?”

   The woman’s hands shook, “For the baby.”

   It felt like a ton of brick fell on Beckett’s head, along with a piano and hell even a ship. Beth had been pregnant? “With grey’s child.” Lucy’s nod already confirmed the obvious. How could they have missed this? Why hadn’t Beth reported it? Why hadn’t they noticed? Why?

   Ryan, after several failed attempts, managed to speak. “Beth didn’t mention it. To anyone.” He looked at Beckett for confirmation as she had a better relationship with the victim.

   “Nor would she,” Lucy replied. “I didn’t’ even know until she was about five months. I asked her why she didn’t take one of those morning-after pills.”

   “She waited to report her rape. Those pills lose their effectiveness after forty-eight hours at most.” Beckett reported. She looked back to those days at trial, it was a full seven possibly eight months since her rape. There had been no sign.

   “She was always a skinny girl and with the stress of the case she hadn’t gained much weight.” Lucy softly explained. “Nothing a bunch of big sweaters couldn’t’ hide. I don’t think she would have even told me if I didn’t over here talk to the doctors on the phone.”

   Beckett frowned, “why didn’t she get an abortion?”

   “She couldn’t.” A tear slid down the woman’s tired face. “Even after what that monster did to her, my Beth couldn’t kill that child. It was innocent.”

   “What happened to it?” Ryan asked.

   “She gave him up for adoption. Carrying her rapist child was about all the strength that Beth could manage. Raising him was just too much.” Lucy pushed to her feet in order to pace. “Elissa thought about taking it, but with her age, it didn’t work. Plus she didn’t want Grey to know. She paid for all the hospital bills and used her lawyers for the adoption.”

   “Did you know the family?”

   Lucy shook her head, “It was a closed adoption. I’m not sure Elissa even knew who they were.”

   After seeing Lucy to the elevator, Beckett turned to Ryan with a thousand and one things running through her mind. “We need to find how Grey found out.” She started towards her desk with such giant steps Ryan had to jog to keep up with her. “Pull all of Frey’s correspondence and his visitor's logs.” Apart of her brain forgot that they already had most of that, but her brain was just going. “Esposito-.”

   The Hispanic detective held up a finger as he finished his phone conversation. “Thank you very much.” He spoke setting the phone down and motioned for her to continue.

   “Beth was pregnant.” Beckett got straight to the point. No reason to beat around the bush with it. The information was the lead they needed two weeks ago, before Grey escaped. “Her mother was paid off and Elissa handled the adoption through her lawyer.”

   “It was a closed adoption.” Ryan reminded busy at his desk working on Beckett’s request. “Don’t think we can find out much.”

   “What about those names I asked you to run?” Beckett asked.

   Esposito picked up his note pad, “Two of those name belong to people who worked at the house before John moved in. They worked for her mother.” He explained. “The Mason’s were friends, who when I called, told me any questions I have should go through their lawyer.”

   “We need to bring them in.” Beckett snatched up her phone, “If we can figure it out then so can Grey.”

   Two hours later they had a name and picture of Beth’s son. Austin luckily inherited most of his mother’s looks, except his hair was the same shade of Grey’s. They had no last name and Beckett was grateful for that. The Masons wasn’t the family who took the boy in, just another middle man. Apparently, according to the wife, there were several more of them. It seemed Elissa had gone to great lengths to make sure Grey couldn’t ever find his son.

   Esposito took the photo of the boy. It was an older one, maybe when Austin was at least four maybe five. “He’s a cute kid.”

   The sadness in the man’s voice caught her attention, “What?”

   The man shrugged, ‘It’s a shame that he is so young and has so many cards stacked against him.”

   “Just because his father is a rapist doesn’t mean he is going to become one.” Beckett nearly snatched the photo back having the greatest need to defend the boy.

   “You know what statistic show.”

   “He’s got a fresh start.” Beckett closed Austin’s photo in a folder to afraid to keep it on the board. “He got adopted by a good family who gave him a chance to be more than a product of rape. God willing he will never know of his father and have a good life.” Because she was paranoid, Beckett tucked the folder in her desk just as her phone buzzed. She picked it up to see a text from Alexis wanting to have lunch. Her first thought was to decline but knew that Jeremy had his first therapy appointment today.  “Did the Masons agree to have a uniform sit on their house?”

   “Yes, and they decided it was time to go on a family vacation to Florida.” Esposito reported, “Go have lunch with Alexis. Tell her congrats from us.”

   “I’ll bring her by so you can say it yourself.” Knowing that it would mean the world to the redhead that the boys approved. Even if Alexis would never admit it.

00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   Beckett smiled as she shared a fry with her son as they enjoyed their lunch outside of Remey’s. Alexis had picked him up from their grandmother to give Martha a break. The air was a bit nippy but tolerable plus the inside was crowded due to the lunch rush. They had decided to take advantage of the empty tables outside.  It was a nice sight to see Alexis smiling again. The strain of the possibility she was being watched still showed by the constant crease on her brow and Beckett made it her mission during lunch to make it go away. “So what did your mom say when you called her,” Beckett asked pushing her cup out of son’s reach. The last thing the four-year-old needed was sugar and caffeine.

   “Happy.” Beckett took pity on her brother and allowed him to steal a few sips of her soda ignoring Beckett’s disapproval. It was a big sister’s job to spoil her younger sibling. “When I hung up the phone she was still going on and on about wedding dresses and venues.”

   The Lieutenant cringed knowing how carried away Meredith could get. “Big wedding type stuff?”

   She will be sorely disappointed when I get around to telling her that I want a small wedding like you and dad.” Something that would take a lot of courage for Alexis to do. The relationship with her mother had mended over the years, but Meredith was still Meredith.

   “Did you tell Jeremy’s mother?” Beckett got her answer when Alexis stiffened. “Still not talking to him?”

   Alexis distracted herself by pulling the restless Nate onto her lap to share the rest of her fries with him. “It’s going to take some time before she talks to either of us. I don’t actually agree with her, but I understand that it was her worst fear come to life.”

   “Just give it time.” Was Beckett could say. “How was this morning?”

   “Okay, I think. Jeremy looked a little better to have talked about it. He was going to go to the station and ask about getting put on desk duty.”

   “It’s a step in the right direction.” Beckett was glad to see it. “So how about we bring your Uncles some dessert and coffee.”

   Nate beamed at the idea, “And Nana Gates?”

   “Of course.” Alexis stood up placing him on her feet. “Can’t forget her now can we.”

   “No distracting Nana Gates if she’s busy.” The captain had been enamored by the young Castle the moment she held him. Beckett had been surprised, yet honored that ‘Iron Gates’ had suggested Nate refer to her as Nana Gates. If Beckett and Castle were okay with it of course. “Jacket on Nathan.” She stood reaching for her scarf when she felt the unmistakable outline of a gun pressed to her lower back. She stiffened.

   “Don’t make a sound.” A voice hissed into her ear. “Includes you two as well.”

   Alexis clutched her brother to her side as another man appeared behind her. He had a jacket draped over his arm like the first man and knew there was a gun underneath. “Kate?”

   Beckett’s eyes darted around the deserted patio to the glass looking into the restaurant. It would be easy to shout and draw attention, but that mean putting her children in danger. Something she couldn’t risk at the current moment. “Just stay calm.” Nate, god bless him, was looking around like he was oblivious to the situation, but she knew him better. He was looking for an escape. “Help your brother with his coat.”

   “Slowly.” The man behind Beckett suggested.

   While Alexis distracted Nate, Beckett tried to assess the situation. The man closest to Alexis was unknown to her and was maybe five eight and about one-eighty. The man behind her, after glancing back, was unmistakably Drew Sun. There was no way she could take on two gunmen without risking her kids’ safety.  Adrenaline was coursing through her veins and her cop instincts were fighting to get out. “What do you want?”

   “I want you and your family to take a walk.” Drew kindly informed digging the barrel of the gun into the cop’s back to let her know it wasn’t really an option. He looked to the redhead clutching the boy’s hand. “Know before you go to get people’s attention I won’t hesitate shooting your mother and precious Nathan.”

   “Do what he says, Lex.” Beckett did her best to reassure her and herself that she had this situation under control. Together they walked out of the patio area and onto the die walk on the command of Drew and his unknown partner. Cars past and a few people bustled by oblivious to the situation.

   “Turn into the alley,” Drew commanded.

   Beckett turned and saw the open van waiting for them at the end. “Just take me.” She softly pleaded. “Let them go okay. I’ll give you whatever you want but you have to leave my children alone.”

   “I’ve got my orders.” Drew reminded. “And you know from my personal work that I don’t care if you arrive intact.”

   Beckett had to act quickly if she surprised their attackers it might give her kids time to run. Silently and motionlessly, she gathered Alexis’s attention telling her to be ready. Beckett Jerked elbow back catching Drew by surprise. “Run!”

   Alexis twisted shielding her brother as she pushed him towards the mouth of the ally. “Nate Go!”

   The four-year-old didn’t think twice and took off.

   Beckett was able to disarm the second attacker with ease; however, it had given Drew enough time to recover. “Alexis.” She tried to twist out of the man’s grasp, but he counters and slammed her face first into the side of the restaurant. It was hard enough to have her vision graying.

   Drew stopped anything further struggle by pressing the barrel of the fun to Beckett’s temple. “Move.” He threatened to Alexis, “and I put one in her brain.”

   The Red Head froze.

   “Run Alexis.” Beckett wheezed, “Grey wants us alive. He won’t hurt us.”

   Snow pressed the gun hard, “Try me, lady.” Alexis remained sill. “Good girl. Now get your ass up.”

   The unknown man struggled to get to his feet. His face was bone pale and covered in blood from his busted nose. “Damn bastard didn’t pay me enough to kidnap a fucking cop.”

   “Shut up and get her into the car.” Drew motioned to Alexis.

   “Touch her and I’ll kill you.” Beckett hissed before she felt a sharp pain in the back of her head followed by blackness.


	9. 2 PM Panic

   Castle shot out of the stairwell knocking two uniformed officers to the ground in this rush to get around the divider. His heart was in his throat and his mind was going a million miles a second. Fifteen minutes ago he got the heartbreaking phone call that his son, who was shaken and bleed, showed up at the 12th alone. Had it only been fifteen minutes? It felt like it had taken him a lifetime to get here and he broke every traffic law known to man.  

   “Where is he? Where is my son?” Castle skirted to a hilt. Ryan, Lanie, and Gates were crouched down at Beckett’s desk while Esposito was busy on the phone. It took the writer a moment to realize that the three adults were trying to coax his son out from under his wife’s desk.

   Ryan looked up when he noticed Castle’s approach. “Hey, Nathan your dad is here.” The announcement only got a blink out of the boy.  Sighing, he pushed himself up to address the worried father. “He hasn’t said a word. We’ve been trying.”

   Castle dropped down beside the captain and M.E. to find his son huddled as far as he could in the corner. He was clutching something so tight his knuckles were as white as his face. Shift for better light, Castle saw it was holding Beckett’s spare jacket she kept at her desk. His heart sank at the streak of blood leaking out from his hairline. “Hey, buddy.” He cursed when his voice broke. “How about you come out here so your Aunt Lanie can look at you?”

   Nate clutched the jacket tighter.

   Gates shifted beside the writer her heart aching for the man looking so lost at what to do. “About twenty minutes ago he showed up downstairs with scrapes and bruises. He told them who his mother was and what floor she worked on. I brought him up here and he dove under the desk with the jacket.

   “Where are Kate and Alexis?” The question went unanswered and Castle knew it would go that way until he could get his son to talk. Bending his tall frame, Castle scooted under the desk and tried not to be offended when Nate huddled further away. “Hey, little man. It’s dad.”

   The four-year-old shifted his eyes.

   Castle did his best to smile, “it’s okay Nathan.” He gestured to the two women eagerly waiting. “You’re safe, buddy. I promise no one is going to hurt you.”

   Nate’s lips trembled for a moment as if he was considering if what his father was saying was true before he tumbled into his waiting arms.

   Holding him close, Castle buried his face in the boy’s small neck fighting tears. The way Nate clung to him made his stomach twist with anguish because he was holding on for dear life. “I’ve got you.” He whispered as he slowly moved out from under the desk once Nate gave permission. Castle’s brow furrowed in confusion when Nate coiled away from Lanie when she reached for him. “You’re hurt, Nathan. Aunt Lanie needs to look at you.”

   “I fell running away.” Nathan popped his thumb in his mouth as he nuzzled his mother’s jacket.

   “From what?”

   The boy’s blue eyes shifted to the murder board and he pointed, “That man.”

   Castle’s blood ran cold and he struggled to stop his mind from being overrun by fear. First, he had to see how bad his son was hurt. “I need to see where you are hurt.” He stood and sat the boy on the edge of Beckett’s desk.

   Lanie nudged the writer out of the way so she could look at the four-year-old. Thankfully the cuts on his hands weren’t deep. Just a bit of road rash from his fall. The cut on his head had some dirt and gravel in it as well. “I’m going to have to clean your owies, Nathan. It might hurt.”

   On that warning, Nate latched onto his father’s hand. Castle did his best to soothe him, but his attention shifted when Esposito hung up the phone. “What?”

   “Beckett went to lunch to meet Alexis about an hour ago. Then Nate shows up alone sweaty and bloody.” The detective filled in while his partner tried to distract Nate. “I tried calling but it goes straight to voice mail. If we dump the logs we might be able to see what towers they ping off to maybe get an area where they might have gone for lunch.”

   Castle knew by now they would have either ditched or turned off the phones so they couldn’t be tracked. “Maybe my mother might know where they went for lunch.”

   Nate pulled the thumb from his mouth, “emey’s.”

   Castle looked down at him, “you went to Remey’s?”

   Nate bobbed his head up and down, his hair falling in his eyes. He was so focused on his dad he didn’t notice Lanie bandaging the road rash on his hand. “We were going to bring coffee back for Uncle Javi and Kevin.” He pointed to the picture of Drew, “He stepped behind mommy and she got a look in her eyes. I tried not to be scared. They took us down an ally and mommy attacked them. Lexi told me to run, I didn’t want to but I knew I had to.”

   “You did good, buddy.” Castle kissed his son’s brow before gathering him into his arms.

   “They took them.”

   “I know.” He rubbed Nate’s back, “we’re going to find him. I promise.”

    “I’ll go down to Remey’s and see if anyone saw anything.” Ryan was already halfway towards the door.

   “Pull the security tapes. If they give you trouble let me know and I’ll get a warrant down there ASAP.” Gates called after the Irish detective.

   Castle adjusted Nate in his arms, “I need to call Jim. And Meredith.” God that was going to be a conversation.  Both of them.

0o0o0o0o0o0o

   “Kate wake up.”

   Somewhere in her mind, her stepdaughter’s plea penetrated the darkness. Using all her will power, Beckett latched on the girl’s voice and followed it back into the land of consciousness.  The instant pain her head made her want to go back under. “Alexis?”

   “Oh thank god!” Alexis squeezed her hand, “I was so scared you wouldn’t wake up.”

   Beckett struggled to keep her eyes open, “Did they hurt you?”

   “No. Can you sit up?”

   “Won’t know until I try.’ She rolled and tried to use her hands to life her up only to find them bound in front of her by duct tape. “Might need some help with that.”

   With her bound hands, Alexis helped her stepmother roll and into a sitting position. “How is your vision?”

   Even though it was dark, Beckett could see that her vision wasn’t in the best shape. “Doubled I think.”

   “Nauseated?”

   “Yes.”

   “Pain on a scale to one to ten?”

   “About a twenty.” Beckett pressed a hand to her throbbing temple. There was no doubt she had a major concussion. “Any idea where we are?”

   “No they put a bag over my head, but I tried to keep track in my head as we drove. We were in the car for about thirty minutes and took a bunch of turns at the end. I did walk around the room.”

   Beckett’s eyes swept across the dimly lit room and couldn’t make out a damn thing thanks to the blinding pain in her head. “And?”

   “We are on the lower level and there is one way out which is a door on the left side of the room. The walls are bare and there is absolutely nothing in here but dust and grim.” Alexis reported. “The walls seem to be made out of metal.”

   “Most likely a warehouse of some sort.” God knows that New York had its fair share of them. A great deal of them was abandoned making them a great breeding ground for all sorts of crime. “First thing first let’s get out hands free. Let me see yours.”

 

   Alexis held them out, “I tried to myself, but they used a lot of it.” She even started gnawing on it. In the end, it only irritated her skin to the point she started to bleed.

   “I’m sorry Alexis.” Beckett softly apologized struggling to find an end to the strands of duct tape. There wasn’t any light so she could barely see an inch in front of her face.

   “For what?”

   “I let them take you.”

   “Kate-.”

   “Not it’s my job to protect my children.” Beckett picked angrily at the tape. She didn’t want Alexis to think that she had chosen to save Nate. That because she wasn’t hers by blood that made Nate more important. “I should have-.”

   “Stop,” Alexis demanded. “Getting Nathan away was more important. No telling what grey would do to him.”

   Beckett clung to the hope that Nate did get away to safety. To think otherwise was out of the question. “Listen to me.” Beckett waiting until Alexis lifted her gaze, “I won’t let him touch you.”

   Alexis wanted to believe what she was saying but knew the reality. Grey wanted her and would get her. “You can’t stop him.”

   “I can.” Beckett touched a hand to Alexis’s cheek, “as long as I’m alive he will not touch you.”

   “I’m scared, Kate.” Alexis’s voice trembled as she spoke.

   “I know honey.” Beckett went back to freeing the young woman’s wrist. Deep down so was she.

   Alexis nearly jumped out of her skin when the door swung open letting light into the room. “Kate.” She cowered when Drew came into the room.

   Drew went straight for the trembling redhead, “Time for some fun.”

   A chill ran through Beckett, “no!” With renewed energy, Beckett surged to her shaking legs and launched herself at Drew. Having her hands bound made it tricky to maneuver, but she didn’t let that stop her. Drew stumbled under the sudden weight giving the Lieutenant the high ground. Using her long legs for good, Beckett rammed her knee in Drew’s gut before slamming her bound hands into his nose. The man hit the ground giving her time to maneuver Alexis behind her. Running to the door was out of the question as Drew lay in its path.

   “God damn bitch.” Drew was struggling to stop his freshly bleeding nose.  

   “You won’t lay a hand on her,” Beckett informed ready to attack again if needed. “I don’t care what the bastard wants. You’ll only talk to me.”

   “He warned me about you.” Drew pushed to his feet. “You sure do need to get knocked down a beg. I’ll be glad to be that one that does it.”

   “Kate-.” Alexis tried to argue.

   “It’s okay Alexis.” Beckett didn’t struggle when Drew snagged her bound wrists. She let the man drag her from the room and Beckett took every inch of the hallway. It was a good forty feet long with one door on one end and a grimy window on the other. The hallway broke off into two more directions, but she couldn’t’ see where they lead to. The walls were in a state of decay, rusted and cracked in some areas. The inner wall where the door was looked to be made out of dry which meant the metal ones were the outer ones. That window had to lead outside. That would be their way out. Beckett locked that into her memory as Drew shoved her through the door on the opposite end of the hallway.

   “Well hello, Lieutenant Castle.” Grey grinned at the worn down woman. She no longer was looked polished like the last time he saw her. Her once beautifully braided hair was wind, her face dirty and bruised, while her clothes were in similar condition. “You look so lovely today.”

   “Go to hell Grey.” The bastard looked so smug in his expensive silk shirt and slacks standing in a room that hadn’t seen the living in years. She wanted to wipe that shit eating grin off his face.

   “Sit.” Drew shoved her into the lone chair in the middle of the dirty room.

   Beckett allowed Drew to undo her wrist, doing her best not to show how painful it was. She smiled at his bruised and bloody nose, “looks painful.” His response was to repositioned her hands behind her and secured them with handcuffs as painfully as possible. “Whatever you hope to accomplish with all of this won’t happen.”

   “I don’t think you’re really in a position to say anything, Kate.” Grey all but purred the woman’s name.

   Icy fingertips started to grip her throat. True terror wasn’t something she experienced much in her life. And Grey himself wasn’t all that of a scary man, but there was a gleam in his eyes that was animalistic. He thirsted for blood. Her blood particularly. She had eluded him last time and something he had the chance to think about for seven years. “You’re not getting what you want.”

   “That’s where I think you’re wrong.” Grey knelt in front of Beckett. “I know that team of yours, especially your husband; will do anything to get you back. But I am a reasonable man if you tell me what I want to know.”

   Beckett remained silent.

   “Tell me where my son is.”

   Beckett thought of the picture of that happy boy tucked in her desk drawer. “No.”

   “A man has a right to be with his son.” Calmly, he laid his hands on Beckett’s arms. “So tell me.”

   “You have no right to him.”

   His grip tightened to the point of bruising. “I created him. He is mine. I should have been told, but that bitch hid it then gave it away like an animal.”

   “She gave it away because it would be a constant reminder of what you did to her.” Beckett defended. “Giving him up gave him the best chance at a normal life and was the best way to keep him away from you.”

   “I’m his father.”

   “You’re a monster.” Beckett was rewarded with an open-handed slap. Through the stinging pain, she managed a smile. “See you still hit like a woman. Thought your father taught you how to deal with a woman.”

   Temper flared, but Grey didn’t strike. “Believe me he did.” He ran his fingertip over the scar her left on her throat pleased to feel her tremble. As much as she pretended to be strong, fear was oozing out of her. “Your stepdaughter knows personally how I deal with a woman. Shame I couldn’t finish. But you won’t have to find out and neither will she if you tell me what I want to know.”

   “Even if I did I wouldn’t tell you.”

   “Beth said the same thing.” Grey nodded and Drew pressed a blade to the woman’s throat. “And I didn’t believe her either.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   “This is about his son?” With his son resting his head on his shoulder, Castle sat in his usual chair to look at the photo. The first that struck him was how much he looked like Beth. “How come we didn’t know about this?”

   “She never reported it.” Gates filled in. Ryan had gone to get the security tapes from the diner while Esposito had gone to make sure Martha was okay. The actress had wanted to come into the station, but the writer had convinced her to get out of the city for a while just in case Grey got any more ideas. “We just found hour before Beckett went to meet Alexis.”

   “Did you find the boy?”

   “No. Elissa went to great lengths to make sure that no one could.”

   Castle set the photo done and rubbed his son’s back when he began to stir. The four-year-old had cried himself into exhaustion. He had tried to set him down in the break room only Nate woke up the instant Castle tried to lay him down. “How did Grey find out?”

   Gates sat down in Beckett’s chair, “It seems that Elissa let it slip. We went through all of his conversations and found that Elissa did visit him shortly after being diagnosed with cancer. Grey asked her if she was proud that her last of the line ended with him. She made a comment that let him know he wasn’t.”

   “I’ve got the tape.” Ryan came running off the stairwell with a disk in his hand looking sweaty and out of breath. Thankfully the owner knew Beckett well enough not to even think twice about withholding the footage.

   Castle hesitated to follow the detective into the screening room. Nate didn’t need to be subjected to seeing the scene twice.

   “Let me take him.” Gates offered when she noticed.

   Nate’s head popped up the moment his father tried to shift him over, “Daddy no!”

   “Listen I need to go with your Uncle Kevin.” Castle softly tried to explain.

   “No, you can’t leave me too.” Tears start to well up in Nate’s blue eyes.

   Castle’s heart broke, “I’m not going anywhere, Nathan. I promise you. It’s just I need to help find Mommy and Alexis.” Nate’s bottom lip trembled nearly destroying Castle to see him looking so frightened. He glanced down and snatched the King Arthur figurine from his wife’s desk. He placed it in Nate’s hand, “I know you’re scared and I promise that you’re safe here. But if you ever get really scared just squeeze Arthur really tight. He’s a king and will chase the fear away.” It was a stretch, but he was praying that his four-year-old wasn’t to mature for his age to see through his ruse.

   Nate took the figurine in his hand and closed it into a tight. “I can be brave like Awthuw too.”

   “I know, buddy.” Castle kissed Nate’s brow and handed him over to Gates. “I’ll be back in a little bit.”

   Ryan had the disk already in the computer and fast forwarding it until the time he needed. Castle joined him by leaning against the table waiting for the detective to finish. His heart tightened when he saw his wife and children sitting at the table enjoying a nice normal lunch. Beckett was laughing at something Nate had said and Alexis was egging her brother on. Everyone seemed happy.

   “Look.” Ryan pointed to two figures on the edge of the screen. The trio was oblivious as Nate tried to steal his mother’s soda. “That’s Drew.”

   “I don’t recognize that other man.” Castle knew it wasn’t the correctional officer. It seemed like his only hand in all this was getting Grey out of prison. He must have left the country since his bank account was empty.

   “With the amount of money Drew took from Elissa I’m sure Grey could find someone willing to do his dirty work.” Ryan watched as Drew moved behind Beckett who had stood to reach for her coat she had laid over the chair.

   Castle felt like he was watching a movie. It was like his mind was refusing to process that what he was seeing was real. That this was happening to his family. He closed his eyes for a moment to swallow the lump forming in his throat before forcing them back open and on the screen. They were still talking. He could tell by his wife’s rigid posture that there was a gun, but from this angle, he couldn’t see it. Why hadn’t she tried to run? Or Alexis? Castle seriously doubted that Drew would shoot down a crowded sidewalk. She could have at least shouted or something, anything to defuse the situation. Too much of a risk logic finally pointed out as he watched Drew and the other man force his family to walk. Beckett wouldn’t risk the safety of their children.

   “From there they went down the alley. Luckily they had a camera by the side door leading to the restaurant.” Ryan quickly switched disks and queued it up to the right time.

   Castle dug his fingers into the wood as he watched. He struggled not to shout at the screen like in one of those horror movies when you want the character to do the opposite of what they were doing on screen. This was his real-life horror movie. “That a girl.” He muttered when Beckett rammed her elbow into Drew’s cut before attacking the other gunman. His blood turned to ice when Drew pointed the gun to his wife’s head after Nate had run out of view of the camera. Beckett spoke again, something that made Alexis twitch like she was considering trying to take off after her brother.   “God.” He fought the urge to get sick upon seeing Drew strike Beckett in the back of the head, knocking her out cold.

   Ryan scribbled on his pad the make and model of the van before it drove off the screen once they had both women inside. After he was done, he placed a hand on the writer’s shoulder. “I’m going to run the partial plate and nearby traffic camera. Maybe we can figure out the direction they were heading.”

   Tears burned the back of Castle’s throat, “we have to find them, Kevin.” He wished he could be ignorant of what Grey would do to them. His writer’s imagination didn’t even have to be put to use. Castle knew what kind of man grey was and what he would do.

   

  

  

  


	10. 7 PM Worry

   Alexis lost track of how long Beckett was gone. It truly felt like days but was most likely an hour. Maybe two. However, long was too long for Beckett to be in Grey’s company.  The man was a monster and Alexis knew the man harbored feelings, as messed up as they were, for her stepmother.

   The door wrenched open filling the room with light and Alexis did her best to shield her eyes to preserve her night vision.  “Kate?” fear had her voice shaking.

   The woman in question in collapsed just barely inside the door they slammed and locked. Casting the room back into blackness.

   “Kate.” Alexis was at her side and helping the woman move farther away from the door. It scared Alexis how weak Beckett was. “Are you okay?”

   “Fine.” Beckett winced using the wall to help sit her back down.

   Alexis smelt the rusty odor of blood before she felt it flowing down Beckett’s arm. “Liar.” Thankfully her eyes were still adjusted to the darkness so it made it easier to inspect Beckett. Her stomach filled with ice when she noticed that every button of Beckett’s blouse had been sliced off and there was smeared blood along the swell of her breast. “Did he-.”

   Beckett shook her head, “No.” But the man came pretty damn close. She could see it in his eyes, the lust to rape her, but he held back. He wanted her to sit here and know that at any point it would happen. Or worse, in Beckett’s mind anyway, it would happen to Alexis.   

   “Where are you bleeding from?” It was hard for Alexis to tell without the proper light.

   Beckett motioned to her chest, where there sever laceration, then to her wide were a good amount of blood was pouring from her body. Beckett could already feel her throat and for arms bruising from being manhandled by Drew and Grey. “Shoulder too.” Drew had challenged her reserve by slowly and very painfully drove a blade inch by inch into her body. When she hadn’t made a sound Drew had gone off on a rampage. Grey stood by while the other man did whatever he could to get her to cry out. A blade to the hip and behind shoved back on her hands had done the trick. If she hadn’t done it at that point, Beckett was sure that drew would have raped her.

   “Got to stop the bleeding.” Alexis rooted around the dark for her scarf and jacket.

   “There is a window,” Beckett grunted When Alexis put pressure on her injured shoulder. “Down the hall.”

   “Let’s work on making sure you don’t bleed out first,” Alexis suggested holding her jacket to Beckett’s hip. “Hold.”

   Beckett complied even though what she really wanted to do was pass out. Her head was swimming from the loss of blood and pain. “I’ve got to get you out of here.”

   “You mean us.” Alexis corrected.

   “If we can get to the window then we can get out,” Beckett informed. “Maybe when they open the door next time we can rush them and you can get to the window.”

   In her current state Alexis figured Beckett wouldn’t be able to swat at a fly let along take on, possibly two, grown men. She worked to tie her scarf over Beckett’s bleeding shoulder. Thankfully the lacerations on her chest weren’t too deep and would stop with a bit of pressure. “Might work better if we can get the door unlocked.”

   “Fresh out of lock picks.” Beckett's eyes began to droop.

   “Stay awake.” Alexis shook the lieutenant until Beckett’s eyes hot open. “Please, Kate stay with me.”

   Beckett lifted her handcuffed hands to touch Alexis’s cheek, “I’m not going anywhere, Lex.” Her head began to lull to the side, “promised you I never would.”

   Alexis cursed when Beckett passed out.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

      Castle also had trouble keeping time. To him, it felt like a week since he got that horrible phone call from Gates. He looked down at his sleeping son who was still clutching the Arthur figurine and wished he could remove the crease of worry on his small brow. They weren’t able to get much of anything from the traffic cams. It tracked the van for about five minutes and they lost it must to his frustration. His mother was safe outside the city, Jim was out at his cabin and assured him he would stay put, and Meredith had taken the first flight out from California and would hopefully arrive sometime in the early morning. Jeremy had begged his captain be put back on active duty and after a call from Gates was pounding the pavement with the boys to find a lead.

   “Rick?”

   Castle shot to his feet at the sound of the voice, “Jim?” He struggled to keep his voice low enough not to wake his son. “What are you doing here? You promised me you would stay safe at the cabin.”

   “I said that so you wouldn’t worry,” Jim confessed motioning for the younger father to sit down as he did the same. “He is he doing?”

   Sighing, Castle rubbed his son’s sleeping back, “He cried himself to sleep about an hour ago. Tried to take him home, but he begged me to stay here.”

   “He knows that if his mom is to be found, she’d come here.” Jim ran a shaky hair through his gray hair. “Martha wasn’t really forthcoming on the details of what happened.”

   “Because we don’t know much. Nathan showed up at the front desk out of breath and bleeding. He told them who he was and what floor his mother worked on. They were at lunch when someone took them.” Castle took a calming breath before his emotions could overtake him. “We were able to get the security tapes.”

   Jim felt his stomach start to knot, “anything?”

   “Two men took them by gunpoint to the ally where a can was waiting for them. From what I could tell, Kate tried to distract them so both Nathan and Alexis could get away, but-but.” Fresh tears flooded his voice as the images from the tape flooded his mind. “After Nathan got away they put a gun to Kate’s head.”

   “Oh god.” Jim paled.

   “She-I mean they didn’t hurt her.” Much, but Castle figured omitting some fact wouldn’t hurt anything. “They threw Alexis and Kate in the can. We ran the plates and found it had been stolen and we tried to track it through traffic cams. Nothing.”

   Jim took a few moments before he spoke, “was it him?”

   “Yes.” The bastard had both his daughter and wife. There was no telling what Grey was doing to them and his writer’s brain wasn’t helping the situation. “They’re doing everything they can to find them.”

   “Why is he doing this?” He demanded angrily. This was his worst fear come true times ten. There was a great possibility that he was going to lose both his daughter and granddaughter. How Castle was holding together so well was a mister to him.”Is this because Kate put him away?”

   “No, he wants his son.”

   “Castle.” Ryan rushed into the break room, “we might have something.”

   Jim saw the man hesitate obviously torn about leaving the sleeping boy. “I’ll stay with him.”

   Castle bent down to kiss his son’s head, ‘I’ll call you.” He promised to Jim following the detective out of the room. “What is it?”

   “We put someone on Drew's mother’s house thinking that he was stupid enough to pay her a visit.” Ryan informed, “And he was.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o

   Beckett awoke god knows how long later feeling weak and in pain. Lots of it. Every time she shifted it felt like a tiger was running its fingers from him to shoulder. Opening her eyes proved to be as great of a challenge as moving. It took her several attempts just to crack them to find herself still surrounded by blackness. Maybe she should just go back to sleep? She was still bone tired and dark-. The fog lifted from her mind and her eyes snapped open, “Alexis!” Beckett jerked causing her vision to spot due to the exploding pain in her skull. But she didn’t let that stop her. Grey had Alexis. She was going to do whatever humanly possible to get her away from the monster.

   “Easy Kate.” Alexis appeared at her side to keep her stepmother from jarring open her wounds. She couldn’t afford to lose any more blood.

   “Alexis?”

   “Right here,” Alexis assured taking Beckett’s hand in reassurance. “See I’m right here.”

   Beckett wished she could see better to make sure herself, all she could make out of Alexis was her shape. “Are you okay? Did he come back? Did-.”

   “I’m fine.” Well relatively speaking. They were still being held against their will. “No one has come back.” At her reassurance, Alexis watched Beckett just deflate content about her safety. It gave Alexis a moment of pause. Here Beckett was nearly bleeding out and all the woman cared about was her safety.

    Alexis should know by now that as long as she was with Beckett she didn’t have to fear knowing her stepmother would do everything feasible to keep her safe. “In fact, I think of one of them left.”

   “Why do you say that?”

   “Because there was a lot of arguing about it.”

   “Well we know it wasn’t Grey. Must have been Drew.” Why would he leave? He had to know how risky that being out was now that he was wanted for a cop’s murder and kidnapping another one.

   “So I’ve been busy.” Helping Beckett to her feet, Alexis repositioned her near the door.

   Beckett heard the familiar sounds of tumblers of a lock. “How and with what?”

   “Bobby pins.” Alexis was very pleased with herself, “And Dad taught me when he was researching it for a book. I was like six. He even bought a door for us to practice on.”

   “God bless that-agh!”

   Alexis stopped what she was doing, “What is it?”

   Beckett pressed a hand to her side and it was immediately drenched in blood, “Shouldn’t have moved.”

   “Shit.” Alexis placed bother her hands over the wound, “got to stop the bleeding.”

   “Might be good.” She was already feeling woozy.

   Thinking on her feet, Alexis sprang into action. In truth, she felt dumb that she didn’t think of it before. Since her eyes were fully adjusted to the darkness, Alexis moved around with ease until she found what she was looking for. Stitches were what Beckett needed, but duct tape was all that she had. Picking up the ball of it, Alexis slid down back next to Beckett. “I’m going to lay you down.”

   “Do I have too?” Beckett whined that would make her four year old proud.

   “And you wonder where Nathan gets it from.” Alexis helped the injured woman stretch out.

   Beckett tried her damnest not to pass out. “What are you doing?”

   “Got to stop the bleeding.” Alexis began the miserable task of unrolling the ball of duct tape. “Keep talking to me.”

   “Hard to stay awake.”

   “I know you’ve lost a lot of blood.” The future M.E. explained finally getting a few useable strips of tape. “So I was thinking of getting married at the Hamptons like you and Dad.”

   “Thought you wanted something a little more intimate.”

   Alexis started closing the wound with the duct tape doing her best to ignore her stepmother’s whimpers of pain. “So did you and it seem to work for you?”

   “You need something personal,” Beckett suggested curling her hands so tight her nails cut into her palms. “Someplace that has meaning for both of you.”

   Alexis went back to untangling the tape, “How about the park where I slugged him?” The suggestion made her smile, “seems fitting.”

   “Perfect.” Beckett was starting to drift, “you’ll make a beautiful bride, Lex. So proud of you.”

   “It’s not going to happen without you, Kate.” Alexis gazed down at the woman who was the best mother she could have asked for. “We are going to get out of this. We’re going to plan my wedding together.”

   “Lex-.”

   “Who else is going to help me overrule my mother?” A single tear escaped her resolve and slipped down her face. “I need you to be around for a long time, okay. So just hang on I’m almost done.”

   Beckett focused on the pain, it kept her rooted to the land of consciousness. All that mattered was making sure Alexis got out. She just needed to muster up the energy. After that, she could just give into the blackness.

   Alexis applied the last salvageable piece of duct tape sealing the wound the best she could. Next, she attacked the door with renewed urgency. She no longer tried to make a little noise as possible. They had one shot at this regardless.

   Beckett blinked against the light seeping in through the now cracked door. “You did it!”

   Thank God! Alexis pocketed her bobby pin before helping Beckett to her feet. “Now I won’t rag Dad so much next time he does his research. Which way?”

   “Right.” Beckett tried to keep her own weight. Her legs nearly buckled. She peeked her head to make sure the hall was clear. “Follow close.”

   Alexis did just that. Inch by inch they moved down the hall. That simple forty feet might as well have been forty miles. It seemed to take forever and by the time they reached the window, her heart was pounding as if she just ran a marathon. Alexis watched Beckett struggle with the old grimy window with her handcuffed hands. “What?”

   “Won’t budge.” Beckett tried again.

   Thinking it was because of the blood loss, Alexis tried the window herself. “Damn it.” She got the same result.

   Adrenaline spike when Beckett heard a noise coming from somewhere behind them. Think fast! Looking around, she found nothing to aid them. Then she remembered the weight on her wrist and looked at the metal. Apparently Drew had to work on his whole kidnapping bit. Never give anything your victims could use to their advantage. “Stand back.”

   Alexis complied and kept watch.

   Finding the strength she needed, Beckett swung her wrist towards the glass with all her might. The brittle window shatter on contact and glass shared into her skin. Thank little baby Jesus! Beckett worked knocking the pane completely out, ignoring the burning of her cut skin.

   “Kate!”

   Beckett risked looking back to see Grey approaching fast. “Go.”

   “But-.”

   “Damn it don’t argue.” Beckett shoved her stepdaughter through the window.

   Alexis felt lines of fire shooting across her arms, back, and knees as she climbed through. The window leading to an alleyway between what Alexis figured was another warehouse. A quick look around told Alexis help wouldn’t be found nearby. “Kate.”

   Beckett rammed her knee into Grey’s guy buying her a few precious moments. She had two choices. Try to climb through the window, which would most likely result not only in her recapture but Alexis’s. Or distract grey until she was nothing left to guarantee Alexi’s escape. Beckett didn’t have to think about it, “Alexis.” She looked to the frightened woman on the other side of the window. “Go please.”

   That did it. Even though everything inside her told her to help, Alexis heeded Beckett’s words and fled.

  


	11. 9 PM Agression

   Castle took three steps at a time up to Andrea’s apartment leaving the boys struggling to keep up. The man who took his wife in daughter was just one more floor above.  It was going to take a lot more than a piece of wood to keep Drew safe. Castle pounded on the door not caring that at nine o’clock most people were getting ready for bed. “Open the door!” He banged again rattling the door on its hinges. Pure will power kept him from kicking the damn thing open.

   “Castle.” Esposito put a calming hand on the man’s shoulder.

   Ryan knocked once more, “Open the door.”

   Andrea answered the door and her eyes went wide at the site of the three men in the hallway. “It’s late.” Her voice trembled, “What do you want?”

   “We’re here to see your son, Mrs. Sun.” Ryan didn’t even bother to introduce himself. The woman damn well knew who they were and why they were here.

   “He’s not here. I told you I haven’t seen him.” Andrea said, “Now goodnight.”

   Since legally the two detectives couldn’t, Castle stopped the door with his foot and shoved it back open nearly knocking the older woman down. He truly had no remorse when Andrea staggered back taking out an end table. “Where is he?”

   “I told you-.”

   “Shut up!” Castle snapped and she fell silent. Willpower was in great supply today as he stopped himself from throttling Andrea. “He took my wife and daughter! He was seen entering the building. So where the hell is he?”

   Her eyes drifted towards the back of the apartment and the three men took off. “Please don’t hurt him.”

   The plea fell on deaf ears. Castle kicked open the locked door and saw a blur of movement. “Fire escape.”

   “I’m going down the front,” Ryan called out as the writer and his partner followed Drew out the open window.

   Castle had never really been the most elegant of runners. He was more built for swimming. All of his strength was in his arms and the only practice he ever did in running was chasing after his four-year-old son. But it seemed through his fury and fear for his family granted him extra human stamina. Castle cleared three flights of stairs in what seemed like a single bound by the time Drew’s feet hit the pavement. Castle didn’t hesitate. He gripped the rail and heaved himself over the edge missing the man by inches.

   Surprised, Drew stumbled and fell into the corner of the building. He cursed and pushed off to take off down the sidewalk. “Fuck.” He cursed when seeing Esposito shot out of the apartment building and turned to ram straight into the writer.

   Castle took the man down, “Where are they?”

   Drew fought Castle’s hold, “Get the hell off of me.”

   Castle took a hold of Drew’s shirt, lifted, and slammed his head against the concrete. “Where are they?”

   “Castle stop.” Ryan tried to intervene only to be shoved away. He had never seen such aggression come from the writer before. In truth, it was a bit scary. “Castle you’re going to kill him.”

   “I don’t care.” Castle swung at Ryan knocking the Irish detective back a few paces. He turned back to the man beneath him and slammed his fist into the bastard’s bruised face. Castle smiled as fresh blood flowed, “She broke your nose didn’t see.”

   “You fucking bastard!” Drew chocked on his own blood.  “Now I see where the bitch gets it from. Taught her a nice good lesson.” He smiled causing rage to flare in Castle’s eyes. “Grey’s going to give her a nice lesson to before he kills her.”

   Roaring, Castle wrapped his hands around Drew’s neck, “Tell me where they are!” He felt the man beneath him struggle, squirm, and grip his arms helplessly trying to free himself. The air was slipping from Drew and his face was starting to change colors from the loss of oxygen. Somewhere in the back of Castle’s mind, he knew that if he didn’t stop he would be responsible for a man’s death. But he just didn’t care. Drew knew the location of his wife and daughter. Castle was going to do whatever possible to get them back and stop Grey.

   “Rick.” Esposito wrapped his arm around Castle’s middle and pulled him off Drew. He threw the writer to the ground, “Stop.”

   Castle heard Drew coughing and gasping for much-needed air. The sound struck a chord spurring him forward again only to be stopped by Ryan. “Let me go! He knows where Kate and Alexis are.”

    Esposito was on top of Drew with his knee pressed into the man’s groin and his weapon at Drew’s temple. “Listen to me.” Esposito insisted bending down to make sure that Drew could hear him over his gurgling. “Tell us where our girls are.”

   The corner of Drew’s mouth twitched like he was trying to smile, “Have a thing for them?”

   Esposito thumbed the hammer back causing Drew’s eyes to widen. “Tell us where they are or I’m going to put a bullet in your gut before letting him back at you. I’m going to let him beat you until you’re barely breathing and put another round in you.” He moved the muzzle of the gun to where his knee was pressed. “Right here so you’ll never be a man again.”

   “Screw you.”

   Ryan bounced before Castle and squeezed Drew’s broken nose causing the man to scream out in agony. “You’re not very smart are you?” HE pointed out loud enough to be heard over Drew’s cries. “Not only is my partner going to make you less of a man but my other partner is going to cause you a hell of a lot more pain. Then we’re going to go up and hall your mother’s ass in for obstruction of justice and hindering an investigation. Oh and accessory for murder. She won’t see the light of day as a free woman for the rest of her life.”

    Drew gurgled, “Stop.” Tears streamed down his face, “I’ll talk to you. Leave her out of this.”

   Castle shoved the two men out of the way and took Drew by the shirt, “Where are they?”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   Castle arrived in the warehouse district with the boys to see a small army of emergency personnel already there. The writer didn’t even wait for the car to stop before hopping out of the car. “Anything?” He demanded to the first cop he found.

   “CSU said they might have something in a warehouse down there.” The cop pointed over his shoulder and Castle took off leaving the boys behind.

   He couldn’t stop. The moment he did he would break. His entire life was hanging on what they found here. They found something. Not they found them or her. His imagination was running rampant with life-shattering scenarios. Near hyperventilating, Castle reached the end of the line and was pointed into one of the warehouses.

   Lanie heard the writer approaching and slipped out of the room to head him off. “Rick wait.” It broke her heart to see the look of despair in his bloodshot eyes. “Please.”

   “No! What is it?” Castle shoved Lanie aside and his knees nearly gave out. The room was lit by a few portable lights. They made a circle around a nice size blood spot. “Whose blood is that?” His own ran cold at the possibility. Oh god! He suppressed the urge to get sick. “Lanie whose blood is that?”

   “I don’t know.” Lanie hated her answer and hated the tears in his eyes more.

   “There’s so much.” Castle voice was brisk. “Did they-Did-.” He pressed a hand to his mouth to stop the sob from escaping.

   “I can test the blood type, but you need to stay back. Ryan.” Lanie called out to the Irish detective for assistance.

   Ryan had to use all his strength to removed Castle from the room. “Rick stop.” He pinned the writer against the wall, having to dodge a few swings as he did so. “Please let Lanie do her job.”

   “There is so much blood Kevin.” Castle struggled to get free. “Too much blood.” Was it Beckett’s? Or Alexis’s? Would he be mourning a wife or a daughter? Or both? Hatred for Grey grew leaps and bounds. Only a monster would make a person prepare themselves for such a possibility. Wife or child, it didn’t matter. His life was shattered anyway.

   Ryan glanced back to check on Lanie’s progress and his chest tightened to the point of pain. Her face was filled with horror and dread. Maybe Castle could go without knowing. It was a long shot, but he had to try. “Come on Castle.”

   “No!”

   “Kevin stop.” Lanie softly demanded before the two men came to blows. It was Castle’s right to know. This was his family. She just wished she wasn’t the one who had to deliver the news. “Let him go.”

   “Lanie whose blood is that?” Castle desperately demanded. “Please tell me.”

   “Kate’s.”

   “Oh, God.” Castle caught himself against the wall with his stomach churning. What little he had in his stomach ended up on the grimy warehouse floor.

   “Ryan tried to block the writer from view nothing knowing what else to really do. If he was in this current position, Ryan was sure he’d be doing the same thing. No amount of years of this job could prepare a person when the crime involved someone you loved. Especially your child. “Let me drive you back to the station.” Ryan softly suggested. “You don’t need to be here for this.”

     
Castle swiped the back of his hand over his mouth, “yes I do.”

   “Your son needs you, Rick.” It was a low blow and Ryan would feel guilty about it later.

   Esposito came racing down the hall, “A pair of uniforms just found us. Apparently, they were dispatched on a separate call of a hit and run.” He looked to the writer, “their description matched Alexis.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

    Castle and Meredith raced down the hall with the two detectives and the young officer at their side through the entrance of the ER. The waiting room was crowded and they received more than a few dirty looks as they reached the registration desk. “A young woman was brought in. Jane Doe. Redhead, twenty-six, and about five foot nine.”

   The nurse rolled her eyes at the man, “Please take a seat.”

   “Listen to me.” Meredith broke in, “you tell me if you have my daughter.”

   “I said have a seat.” The nurse repeated picking up the phone to call security.

   Ryan pushed his way in and flashed his badge, “Detective Kevin Ryan. There was a report of a Jane Doe admitted about an hour ago.”

    Flushed with embarrassment, the nurse turned back to her computer. “Our Jane Doe is in room 215. They moved her out of the ER and upstairs.”

   Castle moved towards the stairs with the others following. He ignored all the looks and shouts to slow down. He had tunnel vision and it was ending at his daughter’s hospital room. The entire journey felt like it had taken years, but eventually, they made it to the room. The breath rushed out of him in relieve when he saw his daughter lying still on the hospital looking relatively okay.

   “We’ll go see if we can find a doctor for you,” Esposito informed taking his partner with him.

   Jeremy squeezed in past the adults and took his fiancé’s hand, stroking a thumb over the gauze wrapped around her wrist. “Alexis?” He softly called out and got a slight stir. Her face was almost as pale as the sheets that she laid on. There were several lacerations on her arms and check, but other than that she looked unharmed.  

   “Lex.” Castle was at his daughter’s side taking her hand before Meredith could. “It’s all right sweetie, you’re safe.”

   “Mom.” The younger redhead moaned.

   A small sliver of pride crossed the actress’s face as she gently pushed her ex-husband aside. “Right Here, Alexis.” Meredith coaxed feeling slightly guilty she got pleasure from the hurt look on Castle’s face. They had grown a lot over the last seven years, but it always seemed she was constantly competing against him.

   Alexis opened her eyes, locked on to Meredith, and frowned. “No mom.” Her gaze shot to her father and her body would have followed if Jeremy hadn’t held her down. “Dad I’m so sorry! Mom, she told me to run, I didn’t want to. I’m so sorry.”

   “Shh.” Castle soothed sitting on the edge of the bed to help his soon to be son in law to keep her in place. “It’s okay.”

   “No, it’s not.” Hot tears poured down her pale face, “I left her.”

   “No, she told you to go pumpkin.” Castle tried to reason getting nowhere. “Kate loves you and would give up her life to make sure you were safe. That’s what mother’s do.”  The hope to see his wife again was growing dim, but he tried not to think about it just now.

   “They wanted some type of information. They wanted me and tried to take me, but Kate she made sure that they didn’t. She broke his nose.” Alexis touched hers as she spoke. “They hurt her. They-He-.”

   Meredith put a hand on Castle’s shoulder who went completely still. Her own stomach twisted at what their daughter was suggesting. “Maybe you should rest, honey.”

   “No.” Castle waved her off needing to hear whatever Alexis was trying to say. It was already trapped in his worst nightmare. “I need too.”

   “She was hurt really bad. There were bruises, but they didn’t.” Alexis finally managed to get out. “She did it for me so that Grey wouldn’t touch me. That’s why she helped me escape. Kate knew she was too weak to fight them off if they came back. She used all of her strength to get me out. Dad, I’m so sorry I left.”

   Fighting tears, Castle ran a hand over his daughter’s hair in a soothing gesture. If it was at all possible he loved his wife a hundred times more. She had put Alexis well being ahead of her own even if doing so meant her death. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

   “You’re in pain.” Jeremy could see the crease in Alexis’s brow that meant she was fighting it. He pushed her gently back and she didn’t struggle.

   With tears in her eyes, she looked at him, “please don’t think less of me, Jeremy.”

   “Honey I could never do that.” He pressed a gentle kiss to ease the line before nuzzling her nose with his own. Jeremy’s heart ached for his future mother in law, but it also soared with admiration that the woman he loved was safe and away from the monster.

   Alexis gripped his shoulders, “Nathan?” she looked around and started to panic all over again when she didn’t see her brother. “Where is Nathan?”

   “With your grandfather,” Jeremy explained that Jim had taken Nathan to his cabin outside the city for safety and she relaxed instantly. “He showed up at the station a little banged up and frightened, but he was okay.”

   “What did they want?” Meredith asked. Having come here straight from the airport she wasn’t completely filled in on what was going on past the fact Grey had Alexis and Beckett.

   Castle ran a hand through his graying hair, “he wants his son.”

   “Son?” Alexis echoed in confusion. “Beth?”

   He nodded, “She hid it from everyone but her mother and Elissa. She let it slip to Grey during her last visit when she told him about her cancer.” Now he didn’t know what was going to happen. Grey had lost one of his barging chips. Beckett was hurt, badly by his daughter’s description, and might not last very long. Once that happened Grey would have to think of a new plan. He would need new henchmen. Maybe they could press Drew again to find out anywhere they stopped once Grey had broken out of prison.

   Meredith saw the wheels turning in the writer’s head, “I can stay here.”

   “Let me go with you.” Alexis pleaded. “I want to help.”

   “I know you do honey, but it’s safer if you stay here.” Castle pointed out and saw her struggle against the logic. He noticed the boys lingering by the hallway just as his phone started to ring. “Up for some visitors? If I don’t let them in soon they’re going to wear a trench in the hallway.”

   “Yes.” Alexis gave her father a small smile.

   Castle waved them in as he excused himself to answer his phone. “Castle.”

   “Hello, Richard.”

   “Grey.” Castle’s blood ran cold and he clenched his phone so tight he was surprised he didn’t crack it.

   “I see you still remember me, Mr. Castle.” The man’s voice dripped with animosity. “How is dear Alexis?”

   His gaze went to the woman lying in the hospital surrounded by people who loved her and where she was safe. “Where is my wife?”

   “Well, she’s keeping me company.” There was a smile in his tone. “I bet you’re driving yourself crazy trying to find her. Willing to do anything to get her back.”

   Castle watched Ryan say something that made his daughter smile. Yes, he was willing to do anything to get his wife back safe and sound. “What do you want?”

   “It’s not money, but I think you’ve already guessed that. What I want was something that was taken from me.”

   “He wasn’t taken from you.” Castle growled, “You don’t deserve that boy.”

   “You don’t get to make that call.”

   “I know what it is to be a father.”

   “Something I should have! I hear it’s the greatest feeling in the world. Something you know very well. How come you deserve to have one? To have someone carry on your name and legacy?”

   Castle turned away from the open door to hide his face from his family. “I don’t know where your son is. No one does.”

   “If you want to see your wife again then you will do whatever possible to find him if you want to see your wife again. Or.” Grey paused, “you trade your wife for your son so you know how it feels.”

   The line went dead leaving Castle stunned into silence. What kind of monster was this man? To even think a person could make that kind of choice. His son or his wife? Could there be any person on earth that couldn’t actually make it?

   “Richard?” Meredith called the man back into the room, “What is it?”

   He stumbled into the room causing the two detectives to stand already alerted to danger. “It was Grey.”

   Alexis trembled at the man’s name, “What did he want?”

   Castle closed his eyes still trying to process the conversation he just had. “We have to get back to the station. Can we get officers on the door?” He asked Ryan and Esposito.

   “Of course.” Ryan had already arranged it when outside.

   “Dad.” Alexis knew there was something else.

   “He wants me to either find his son or give him mine to get Kate back.” His voice caught in his throat and tears blurred his vision. There was no winning in this situation which is what the bastard wanted.

   “Oh, God.” Meredith placed a hand over her mouth as if she was going to get sick.

   “I can’t-. I won’t.” castle slammed his fist against the wall then proceeded to pound until there was no pain only numbness. He only stopped when Jeremy came up whispering that he was frightening Alexis. Cursing, he looked down at his now bloody hand. This wouldn’t solve anything. This wouldn’t get his wife back. “I’m sorry pumpkin.” Calm as he could be, he sat on the edge of the bed.

   “I should have-.” Alexis started.

   “It’s not your fault.” Castle placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head. “I have to go.”

   “Find her dad.” Alexis pleaded.

   “I’m coming with you,” Jeremy announced and with a look, he knew that Alexis was on board with it. “I don’t know what I can do, but I know I can do something.”

   There was no bother arguing. “Okay.” He turned to Meredith as Jeremy said goodbye to Alexis. “I’ll call you.”

   Once downstairs at the car, castle leaned against the wheel of the car and lost what little he had in his stomach. The three men surrounded them to make sure he was shielded.

   “I’m not giving up my son.” Castle knew that Beckett would kill him if he even considered such a thing. As a parent, you always put the child’s life before your own. “But I’m not ready to never see my wife again.”

   Esposito’s face was grim, “We’re not ready to give up on her either.”

   “I don’t know what we can do. The only way to get her back is to put a child at risk.” Something he wouldn’t do. “We need to make sure that Jim and Nathan are safe.”

   Jeremy stepped up to volunteer, “I’ll go get them.”

   Ryan handed the younger man the keys, “Go.”

   “We need to talk to Drew.” It was the only thing they could do at the moment.

0o0o0o0o0oo0o0

   Castle looked at the clock on the wall and felt wired for it being nearly one in the morning. Questioning Drew had given them some bread crumbs to follow, but so far turned up nothing. They had put officers outside of Elissa’s house, but the writer knew that Grey wasn’t stupid enough to show up there. He might be desperate enough though so he had some hope.

   Gates put a cup of coffee on the Beckett’s desk in front of Castle. “Anything from Drew?”

   Castle played with his wife’s mug, “A couple of locations that they hid out before snatching the girls. I’m sorry and if he does try to press charges I will accept them.”

   “Whatever happens I’ll stand by you and help in any way I can.” Gates promised. No one messed her family and got away with it. But she was surprised when they dragged the battered drew into the station. “I didn’t know you had that in you, Rick.”

   “When it comes to the ones I love I do,” Castle admitted flexing his sore hand. His ringing cell phone had him jumping almost out of the chair. Gates was already picking up the desk phone ready to trace the call. He pulled it to his ear. “Castle.”

   “Its Jeremy.”

   Castle’s shoulder relaxed and he waved the captain to put the phone down. “Jim and Nathan safe.” There was some rustling coming through the phone and his fresh tears filled his eyes at the sound of his son’s voice. “Hey, buddy.”

   “Germ-y said you found Lex.” The four-year-old started, “Have you found mommy.”

   “Not yet buddy, but we’re still looking,” Castle promised. “Just listen to Jeremy and your grandfather okay?”

   “I love you, daddy.”

   “I love you too little man. Let me talk to Jeremy.” Castle waited until the phone was passed over. “Are you on your way back?”

   ‘We left about twenty minutes ago.” Jeremy informed.

   Castle calculated that they would reach the city in about forty minutes ago. Jim’s cabin was about an hour outside the city in the nice quiet country of New York. Moving his son was risking, but he needed to have him close to make sure that he was safe. “I don’t want you to stop for anyone okay. Come straight to the station. You have your weapon, right.”

   “Of course. I promise to keep him safe Rick.”

   “I know you will.” Castle knew between him and Jim his son was safest. His heart shot in his throat when he heard a loud crunch of metal before the line went dead.

  

  


	12. 12 AM Crash

   Jeremy’s body was throbbing. It was a sheer test of will that he was still even conscious. Keep Nate safe. That was the only thing going through his mind. He tried to move, but his legs weren’t going anywhere. Looking down he saw his bottom half was pinned by the steering column. “Jim.”

   The older man was slumped forward held back by his seat belt, bloody and unconscious. Even if he wasn’t, Jeremy saw that Jim was in the same condition. Pinned and trapped.

   “Nathan.” Twisting the best he could, Jeremy sought the four-year-old in the back seat. To his amazement, Nate was sitting calmly in his car seat mostly unharmed and clutching the Arthur figurine. There was some blood and minor cuts from the shards of class, but nothing too major. “You okay?”

   Nate nodded.

   “Listen to me very carefully.” Jeremy heard a car door slam shut and knew that had very little time. “I want you to unbuckle yourself, okay? Then you need to climb up here.”

   It sounded like an easy task, but since they were tilted it took all the boys concentration. Nate carefully climbed from the back of the seat. He slid onto the center console, “Germ-y you’re hurt.”

   “Take my phone and Run.” They were surrounded by thick brush and knew that it would give the boy a good chance of being hidden. “You still have Arthur right.”

   Nate held up the figurine.

   “Good. Now take this.” Jeremy did his best to knock out all the loose glass, ignoring it tearing into his skin. The fast steps were coming close. “You need you to run.”

   Nate looked at him one last time and then obeyed.

   Jeremy watched him for a moment disappear into the tree line before working on freeing himself. Grey would no doubt follow and knew Nate wasn’t fast enough to outrun the man.

   Grey approached the car, a gun clutched in his hand, with weary steps. He had underestimated before and it cost him a bargaining chip. He wouldn’t do that again. A step away, Grey found the young officer struggling to get free, the old man passed out, and the back seat empty. “Where is he?”

   “Go to hell bastard.” Jeremy spat.

   Grey position himself in front of the car watching the two men through the cracked windshield. “Tell me or I’ll put one in your skull.”

   “Go right-.” Jeremy never finished before Grey fired.

   Jim jerked awake at the sound of the gunshot. It took a few moments for his eyes to adjust the low lighting and his brain to catch up with the turn of events. Pain, there was a lot of pain. Pushing it aside he twisted to see Jeremy slumped forward and the back seat empty. “Jeremy.” Jim reached to lift the young man up and his stomach twisted. Blood was flowing freely from a hole that looked like a bullet entry.  “Mother of God.” After searching for an exit wound and finding none, he started working on getting his legs free. The only thing he could do was get up on the street and get help Jeremy’s pulse was strong for the moment, but Jim knew that could change at any moment.

   It took longer than he liked. A good fifteen minutes passed before he painfully freed one of his wounded legs from the dash. He tried the door only it didn’t budge. After a few good rams with his shoulder, he realized it was useless. Looks like he was going to have to go through the windshield because there was no way he was going to climb over Jeremy. He knocked out what glass he could before spending another five minutes or so before he got his other injured leg free. Crawling through the broken glass, Jim pushed himself over the crunched front before crashing unceremoniously into the ditch they were crashed in. He looked up and realized there was no way he was going to get up the hill with his legs in their condition. It was the last coherent thought Jim had before passing out.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

     “There.” Castle spotted to the car on the side of the road through the light snow pointing in the direction of the ditch. Thanks to Esposito’s driving and the gumball they got here in record time. Back up was on its way with fire and rescue that Castle figured that would need after hearing the crash through the phone.

   Esposito parked the car in the position so his headlights shined the best it could down the hill. “Flashlights are in the trunk.” Ryan hoped out from the back to get them while he held Castle for a moment longer. “Back up piece is in the glove compartment.”

   The writer hesitated for a moment remembering the first time someone had said that to him. “Are you serious?”

   “I don’t think this is really the time to joke.”

   After snatching up the piece from the glove compartment, Castle shot out of the car with the boys close behind. He found the battered Jim instantly lying on his back next to the nearly demolished car. With the flashlight Castle could see Jim’s breath so he knew his father in law was at least alive. “Down there.” He sent Ryan down so he could check inside the car to find it empty. Including the back seat where Nate would have been.

   “Jim?” Ryan gave the man a gentle shake until his eyes opened.

   “Kevin?” Confused, Jim looked around to find Ryan and his partner hovering over him.

   Castle rounded the back of the car to drop down beside his father in law. “Where is Nate?” He knew Jim was injured, but it didn’t look life threatening so his focus was on making sure Grey didn’t get Nate.

   “I don’t know.” Jim confessed, “but Jeremy-.”

   “Did he go after him?” Castle wondered searching the tree line.

   “He’s not in the car? How he was shot-.”

    “Hear that.” Esposito cut Jim off and they could hear the faint screams coming from the trees.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   “Stay still boy!” Grey commanded grabbing Nate buy the scruff of the neck only to be kicked in the shins. Cursing, he lost his grip and the boy bolted. “Come back here!”

   Nate didn’t stop even though his lungs burned and his legs screamed in protest. Jeremy had said run and Nate was going to keep on doing just that until he was safe.

   Jeremy stumbled and nearly face planted when his knees wanted to buckle. The world was spinning and his vision was beginning to gray. Passing out was only a matter of time, but Jeremy willed himself back on to his feet. Grey was closing in on Nate and he wasn’t about to let that monster lay a hand on the boy. “Nate!”

   Grey didn’t want to hurt the boy, well at least not yet, but he had to get the boy to stop running. He raised his gun in the general direction of Nate, but the shot went up when Jeremy caught him around the waist and took him down.

   The pain in his head was nearly blinding. Jeremy grappled for the gun having lost his piece at some point during the crash. Once he freed himself he didn’t have any time to waste before plunging into the woods.

   Jeremy’s heart went straight into his throat when he found himself looking down the barrel of a gun. His stomach knotted and his blood turned to ice. Every fear and nightmare he had over the weeks came flooding back and he froze.

   Grey’s mouth curved into an evil snarl, “this is the man Alexis choose?” he laughed as the color drained from Jeremy’s face. “So frozen with gear he can’t save little Nate?”

   Paralyzed, Jeremy did nothing but watch as Grey thumbed back the hammer of the fin. He was going to die. The worse thing was that he couldn’t even save Nate.

   “No!” Nate shrieked causing Grey’s attention shift momentarily. With unfathomed bravery, the four-year-old hurled a rock straight at Grey’s head.

   It didn’t do much. Just knock Grey back a few steps but it was enough to knock Jeremy out of his stupor. Swallowing his panic, he lurched at Grey to continue the battle of the gun.

   Grey had the upper hand of not being injured and used that to his advantage. With a couple of well placed blows, he was able to loosen Jeremy’s grasp on the weapon. What he wasn’t prepared for was Jeremy to smash the rock Nate had thrown into his temple.

   The shock of the blow knocked his opponent on his back giving Jeremy a moment to stop his head from spinning. As he touched his bloody head, he heard voices coming from somewhere in the distance. Or maybe he was just hearing it in his head. He had been shot at point blank range and somehow was still alive. If he didn’t act fast blackness was going to overcome him before they reached them. An icy hand clutched his stomach as his hand closed over the fallen gun. There was no time to think about it. Act now or freeze up.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

    The gunshot echoing through the silent winter night cut straight through Castle. “Nathan!” Castle ran through the woods praying he was going in the right direction. His vision was being cluttered by the white puffs of snow falling, but he searched through the darkness for any signs of his son and Jeremy. The echo of the gunshot was still echoing in his head. What if Grey had found him first? Or if he found Jeremy? According to Jim, the young man was already injured meaning Grey would have the upper hand.  Hearing the boys clamoring behind him, he called out for his son once more.

   “Daddy! Help!” A small vice came somewhere through the brush of trees.

   “Keep talking buddy.” Castle gently commanded turning in the direction of where the voice sounded like it was coming from. Nate didn’t say anything else chilling Castle more than the snow falling around him. He had to find him. He had lost track how long it took him to get from the road to this far into the brush, but it was too long. “Sing Nate. Sing the son mommy always does.” Faintly, Castle could hear the opening bars. “Louder.”

   “Left,” Ryan shouted sweeping his flight light to see a small silhouette.

   Nate sang until he saw his father emerging into the small clearing. “Dad help! Too heavy!”

   Castle watched his son push at a limp mass with all the might a four-year-old could muster. After a moment of confusion, he realized he was trying to free Jeremy who was underneath a motionless Grey. “Espo help. Ryan take him.” Dropping down with the Hispanic detective, they shoved Grey off to see Jeremy coated in blood. “Oh, God.”

   Esposito checked for a pulse, “he’s alive.”

   Castle frantically started searching for a gunshot wound only to find that the only one he had was to his temple. All of his injuries were from being driven off the road. “Hey.” He smiled down when Jeremy opening his eyes. He tried to keep his down from drifting to the blood leaking out of his head. “Hang on, okay. An ambulance is up on the road.”

   “Nate okay.”

   Castle squeezed the young man’s shoulder. “Yes thank you.”

   “Grey dead?”

   Castle looked to Esposito who had moved to check, “Yes.” Something surged through him, Castle couldn’t just put a name to it at the moment. It was a mixture of relief and dread. He would have to focus on that later.

   The officer’s body went lax as his eyes began to drift close. “Tell Alexis I’m sorry.” And with that, he dropped off like a rock.

   “Damn it.”

   “Daddy.”

   Castle turned and barely had time to catch his son who launched himself into his arms. Castle held on for dear life. “God you had me so scared.”

   “I was brave like Arthur. Like you and Mommy.” Nate looked at the unconscious man. “Like Germ-y.”

   “Yes, you were.” Castle drew away to give him the same search he did Jeremy to see how badly he was hurt. Nate had some small cuts from the brush, a gash on his cheekbone most likely from the crash, and a bit of bruising. Nothing too bad. “Are you hurting?”

   Nate shook his head, “I’m good Daddy.”

   Ryan caught sight of the flashlights moving through the woods. “We need a medic over here! We have an officer down!”

   “Go get Nathan to the road,” Esposito suggested taking guard next to Jeremy with his partner. “We will stay with him.”

   “Wait.” Nathan scooted to the injured man and put the Arthur figurine in his limp hand. “He will protect Germ-y.”

   Tears sprang into Castle’s eyes as he watched his son kiss Jeremy’s cheek. He prayed to whoever would listen that he would pull through. Losing him would destroy so many lives, especially Alexis’s. Plus he was the perfect man to become his son in lat. “Let’s go, bud.”

   Up in the road, it was filled with flashing red and blue lights of police and fire rescue. Jim was lying on the road getting his leg splinted while another paramedic worked on cleaning up his bloody face. Castle held his son close feeling him tremble as shock set in. The tremors had set in upon the paramedics rushing to help Jeremy.

   Against the medic’s orders, Jim pushed himself onto his elbow. “Is he okay?”  

   Castle rubbed Nate’s back, “A little banged up.”

   “Jeremy?”

   The writer’s face turned grim, “not sure.”

   “Is that bastard dead?”

   “Yes.” That feeling was back. It was starting to sink in now. Relief that his son was safe was being overshadowed by the dread that without Grey alive they had no way to find Beckett. He tried to push it away again just for a moment or two until he could get Nate looked at. “Hey, Nate you got to let go so this nice man can see your oweies.”

   “Nice man?” Nate mumbled into his father’s neck.

   “Yes.”

   Nate lifted his head to look at the smiling paramedic, “What is your name?”

   “Mason Anderson.” He replied.

   “Nathan Castle.”

   “Want to come with me?”

   “Okay.”

   Castle set Nate down near the ambulance, “I’m going to talk to Grandpa. I’ll be back in a moment.”

   “Okay, Daddy.”

   Castle started back to his father in law when through the chaos of noise heard a light thudding noise. His heart kicked into his throat. “Everyone quite.” The noise settled and he heard the thudding coming from the trunk of Grey’s car. “Get that trunk open!” He shouted to the nearest officer.

   The trunk unlatched revealing a deathly pale Beckett. The woman lifted her head, which looked like took a great effort, upon seeing her husband. “Rick?” She sounded unsure of herself like she couldn’t trust what she was seeing.

   He didn’t like the tinge to her skin. It was the twinge of death. The trunk carpet was drenched in blood as were her clothes. He knew to move her was risking if she had a spinal injury, but he swooped her up into his arms. “Somebody help!” His voice cracked with emotions. Mostly pure terror. “Hang on Kate.”

   She curled her fingers in his shirt, “Kids okay?”

   There was commotion behind him that Castle tried to block out. Medics scrambled behind him no doubt, but what was important was the woman in his arms. Her voice was barely a whisper. “Yeah, baby. They’re safe.” Tears fell. “You did great, Kate.”

   “I thought.” Her eyes began to drift closed, “I thought we were going to make it for the long haul.”

   “We are baby. Someone help.” He shook her until her lids bounced back open, “Stay with me, Kate.”

   “I’m sorry Rick.” She said on her last breath.

   “No! No!” Castle searched for a pulse as the paramedic dropped down beside her. “Help please!”

  

  


	13. 2 AM Treatment

    Castle jogged into the ambulance ER exhausted by the emotion roller coaster he experienced on the drive over. Nate had ridden over with Jim in one while he rode over with the one with his wife. Fifteen minutes. Fifteen agonizing minutes watching the paramedics struggle to keep his wife alive. They were able to get her heart beating again, but everything was dropping causing her to crash at least twice in the ambulance. There was a lot of orders being thrown around, none of it making sense to him. He should have known all the medical chatter after spending so much time researching for his book. The only thing his brain was processing was that his wife was dying in front of him.

   His gaze shifted momentarily. Mason the paramedic was doing everything he could to distract Nate from the site of his mother. A paramedic was on the gurney, straddling her as he did CPR to keep blood pumping to her heart. It was like her shooting all over again. Numb, Castle stood at a fork as the three stretchers were wheeled down different hallways. His wife was going to trauma, his father in law to x-ray, and his son was being taken to an examination room. He wanted to follow his wife as she was in the worse condition, but knew that Nate would need him the most. With one last look at Beckett, praying it wouldn’t be his last, Castle jogged to catch up with Nate’s rolling gurney.  

    “See here he is.” Mason smiled trying to ease the panic on the boy’s face. “Everything s going to be okay. The doctors are going to look at you and you’ll be fine.”

   “Can Aunt Lanie come and be my doctor?” Nate pleaded.

   Castle wished but knew the rules. “I’m sorry, sweetie.”

   “I know this really nice Doctor,” Mason suggested.

   Nate wiped his running nose with the sleeve of his jacket, “How do you know?”

   “Because she’s my mom and I know she’ll take excellent care of you,” Mason promised wheeling him down a secondary hallway to the examining rooms.  He parked the gurney beside the hospital bed and locked the wheels. “Now just scoot over to the other bed and I’ll go get her.”

   Nate looked to his father for support, “Help?”

   Castle carefully helped the injured boy over to the hospital bed trying to ignore that cringe of pain on Nate’s face. “Thank you.” He said to Mason.

   The paramedic nodded, “I’ll come to check on you, Nathan Castle.”

   Nate climbed into his father’s lap, “Thank you, Mason Anderson.”

   Castle could Nate cradling his right hand to his small chest, “Does your arm hurt?”

   “My wrist.” Nate sniffled into his father’s shoulder. “Hurts.”

   “The doctors will make you feel better,” Castle promised trying to focus all of his attention on the boy in his arms. It was hard as there were so many things going through his head. His daughter was a floor above no doubt going out of her mind since he made everyone promise not to tell her anything. He wanted to be the one to do that. Beckett was fighting for her life and god knew what how bad Jim actually was. Nate had masked his pain and now Castle was freaking out that he was far more injured. “Where else are you hurt?”

0o0o0o0o0o0

   It turned out Nate broke his wrist, bruised a rib, and required ten stitches to the gash on his cheekbone. Mason was true to his word and his mother had been very gentle with Nate. The paramedic also came back to check on him before going back on the road. Jim had broken his leg in two spots and bruised half a dozen other muscles. All the cuts he received by the glass hadn’t been deep enough to require any stitches. An hour later both Jim and Nate were released, though it took a lot of arguing for Jim to be discharged. Now they sat silently three floors up with Castle, Lanie, Esposito, and Martha in the ICU waiting room. Gates was on the streets handling the situation and Castle didn’t know where Ryan ran off to. Jeremy had been moved to the OR to assess the damage and set a few of his broken bones, but they hadn’t been too forthcoming with information because they weren’t family. Martha had called Sarah but she hadn’t shown yet.

   Castle buried his face in his swollen hand trying to keep himself from going crazy. The time was ticking by painfully slow. It seemed like a lifetime had passed since loading her into the ambulance. When would they come out and tell him what was going on?  Just something to stop his mind from wandering to all the worst possibilities. There was already a good chance that he was going to lose his wife tonight.

   “Mr. Castle.”

   The man in question shot to his feet so fast he nearly fell over. “Yes. How is my wife?” He demanded.

   “I’m Dr. Sean Peterson.” The doctor’s gaze swept the room to all the eager facing looking at him. “Maybe we should talk in private.”

   Castle’s blood ran cold, “Why? What’s wrong?”

   “Please Mr. Castle.” Sean insisted.

   “Come on Rick.” Jim stood up with the help of his crutches trying to mask the pain shooting through his body. He followed the doctor down the hall with his son in law in tow an away from prying ears. He was struggling with being strong. Any moment the doctor was going to deliver the news that was going to destroy him. No matter how many times he had been in this situation, Jim couldn’t prepare himself.

   “Please.” Tears flooded Castle’s voice. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

   The doctor took a deep breath, “your wife lost a considerable amount of blood and is very weak. She’s got a shattered wrist, cheekbone, and a broken leg. She has two stab wounds one to her shoulder and on to her hip that chipped the bone. She is having trouble breathing because of the fluid in her lung so we put her on a ventilator. She has a major concussion. She has others bruised bones and internal bleeding from her being in the trunk at the time of the accident.”

   Castle’s legs grew weak, “Just tell me what her chances are?”

   “I’m afraid, not good, Mr. Castle. If she pulls through and with physical therapy she will make a full recovery. She might lose some range and strength with her shattered bones, but be otherwise whole.”

   Castle didn’t like the shift he heard at the end of Sean’s statement. Dread washed over him. “But what? What aren’t you telling me? Was she going to be paralyzed because he had snatched her without thought from the trunk?

   “I just.” Sean faltered, “I don’t know how all this trauma is going to affect the baby. You need to prepare yourself that your wife might lose it.”

   “Baby?” That buried desire to have another child came kicking to the surface. Could the world be so cruel? After all their trying and heartache didn’t they deserve this happiness? If Beckett pulled through and lost the baby it would be just too much for her. Hell for him too.

   Jim did his best to slow Castle’s decent without falling on his ass. There was no way that in his current condition could he have caught the writer. Jim was vaguely aware of Martha gathering their grandson who had cried out upon seeing his father collapsed. People all around stopped what they were doing to look upon them with sorrow and concern.  The doctor called for a stretch only Jim waved him off. There was no medical treatment known to man to him Castle. “Rick.”  

   “I wish I could kill him.” A part of him hated Jeremy for robbing him of the opportunity. That monster had destroyed his family. In his last act, Grey had taken what was most likely their last opportunity to have a child. Their doctor’s had warned them with their increasing age and Beckett’s trauma to her body die to work on the force, that their chances of getting pregnant were slim. “We said it didn’t matter and in truth, it didn’t. We had Alexis and Nathan, but there was that silent want. If she pulls through it’s going to be for nothing. It will kill her.”

   Jim rubbed Castle’s shoulder, “Just be strong.” Was the only advice that he had for the moment. “Now I’m going to go find Martha and see if we can calm Nate down. Want me to tell the others.”

   Castle nodded struggling to push his weight onto his shaky limbs. He had to be strong for his family. He had to pull himself together.

   “Rick?” Meredith wrapped her arms around the distraught writer without saying anything more. She had come up from their daughter’s room seeking information and she got her answer the moment she saw everyone in the waiting room. It was bad. Everyone was grieving and there was nothing she could do to fix it. “I’m sorry.”

   Castle soaked up his ex-wife’s comfort hoping it would be enough to calm himself before he faced his family again. This was much worse than the last time they face Gery. How he wished his wife was up and spouting Monty Python jokes. The hospital walls were too quiet. Death echoed down the halls. Everyone walked almost silently in the ICU as if not wanting to disturb those who were wrestling with the Grim Reaper. Even the smells were haunting. “I can’t.” He couldn’t even say the words. Life without Kate Beckett was unimagined able. “It’s bad.”

   Meredith wanted to ask Beckett’s condition, but would later. “I’m so sorry.”

   “They said if she even pulls through there is a great chance she’ll lose the baby.”

   “Oh, Rick.” Couldn’t the fates cut him a break? She knew how difficult it had been for the couple to get pregnant and their heartbreak over the miscarriages. “What can I do?”

   “I don’t know.” Jim was helping by delivering the news. God knows the man was going crazy himself. Castle knew there was little Meredith could do, but it helped knowing she wanted to. “God I don’t know what to do. Nathan is already traumatized. If-.”

   She pulled away, “Don’t do that. Stay strong.”

   “I don’t think I can! We still have to tell Alexis about Jeremy. She’s properly going crazy by now.” They hadn’t heard much other than the officer was in surgery. Castle didn’t understand how Jeremy could have survived let alone be able to find Nate after taking a bullet to the head.

   “Let’s go talk to her now.” Meredith suggested, “Together.”

   He didn’t really remember the trip down to the second floor. He remembered leaving Nate with Martha, but he couldn’t’ recall how he got to Alexis’s hospital room. He had no time to prepare what he was going to say to her. Numb, Castle followed Meredith into the room.

   Alexis knew that something was terribly wrong. “What happened? Nathan?” castle shook his head and Alexis swallowed, “Grandpa?”

    “Broken leg and some bruised bones,” Meredith informed.

   That wouldn’t account for the sorrow hanging over them. Alexis’s heart shot straight to her throat. “Jeremy?”

   “He’s in surgery. Grey ran his car off the road so he was pretty banged up.” Meredith sat on the edge of the hospital bed. “That man of yours is a real hero. He saved Nate from Grey.”

   “But?” Her voice trembled.

   “He was shot.” Meredith had to take a calming breath. “In the temple, but he is alive. After being shot he was able to get out of the car and hunt Grey before hurting your brother. They say he has a good chance.” That was a lie and Meredith would feel guilty about it later.

   Alexis’ gaze shifted to her motionless father. “What else is it?” Then, through her view of Jeremy, it hit her. “Mom?”   

   At hearing her daughter call Beckett mom, Castle was overwhelmed with emotions and had to lean against the wall for support. “They don’t know if she’ll make it.” Tears rolled unchecked down his tired face. “If she does than there-there.”

   “What?” Alexis demanded. Would she be a vegetable? Paralyzed? Without a limb? “Dad tell me.”

   “She’ll lose the baby if she hasn’t already.” He finally whispered.

   “Dear God! I shouldn’t have left.” Tear blurred the red head’s vision. “I could have fought. I should have-.”

   “No.” Snapping out of his haze, Castle moved to take her into his arms. “This isn’t your fault. None of this is.”

   “I should have sealed the wound sooner! I knew she was losing too much blood. How could I have left her?”

   “Because she told you to.” Castle ran a soothing hand up and down her back. “If you didn’t listen to her you know she would have kicked your ass,”

   A small laugh escaped between Alexis’s sobs. “What happened to Grey?”

   “He’s dead.” Castle felt her sag with relief. That was the only positive thing that came out of this whole situation. They never had to worry about the monster touching their lives ever again. They just had to pull through this ordeal. “I’m going to talk to your doctor about getting you out of here so you can wait with family.”

   “Thank you.”

   About twenty minutes later the trio made it back to the ICU waiting room. Nate was back sitting in between his grandparents looking scared and trying not to show it. His eyes lit up and he was out of his chair like a rocket, “Lexi!”

   “Nathan.” Alexis dropped down to her knees to catch the boy in a bear hug. Everyone said that he was okay and that Grey didn’t touch him, but she had to see for herself to believe it. “I was so worried.”

   “I ran just like you and Germ-y said to.” Nathan held on for dear life. “I didn’t want to. I wanted to help but he told me to run. The monster was chasing me and then Germ-y found me. The monster was going to shot him so I threw a rock at him.” He pulled away to point to his forehead, “I hit him right here.”

   Alexis smiled proudly at the four-year-old, “I always said you had one hell of an arm.” His small face was starting to bruise causing the white bandage to his cheekbone to stand out. His soft casted wrist was held securely in a sling and Alexis could see the pain he was trying to mask. Nathan Castle was truly one of the bravest people she knew.

   Castle looked around to see Ryan still missing and they were short a person. “Where is Kevin?”

   Even though his eyes were full of sadness, Esposito smiled, “Jenny went into labor.”

   “What?’ Castle was born about the sliver of happiness that sprang through the grief.

   “She saw the report about a critically injured officer on the news.  She knew it involved Grey and Ryan would have been there. The stress of not knowing who it was caused her to go into labor.” Esposito explained. “Lanie went down to help in any way she could.”

   “Excuse me.”

   Alexis shot to her feet at the soft voice of Sarah Dunn. The older woman looked like she had shot right out of bed. None of her clothes matched, her hair was a mess, and she had on two different pair of sneakers. “Sarah.” Alexis hadn’t seen her future mother in law since Jeremy’s shooting almost three weeks ago.

   “I got your message.” Sarah looked to Castle. “I didn’t wake up to it, but as soon as I heard I made my way here. How is he?”

   Alexis shrugged her shoulders, “We’re not sure yet. They took him into surgery but that’s as far as we know.”

   Sarah’s gaze swept over all the injured people, “What happened?”

   “Your son saved Nate’s life,” Castle answered moving to embrace the fragile looking Sarah. “Thank you.”

   Teary eyed, Sarah pulled away to look at Alexis. “I’m so sorry. So sorry. I didn’t mean any of those things I said. I was scared and-.”

   “I know.” Alexis wrapped an arm around her shoulder, “Come sit. Family should wait together.”

0o0o0o0o0o

   Alexis sat by Jeremy’s bedside about an hour later with her hand cover his motionless one. Inside his closed fist was her step mother’s figurine that Nate gave him. The medical staff had been careful never to remove it from Jeremy’s hand. The only time they did was during his x-rays and surgery, but they kept it nearby. It seemed King Arthur had done its job in keeping hope and faith in the family. Especially her brother. Alexis was surprised the four-year-old had relinquished his hold.

   She looked at her fiancé’s pale face. It was almost as pale as the gauze wrapped around his head. In all, he had suffered three broken ribs, a ruptured spleen, and a broken wrist. The bullet had bounced off his temple plate saving his life. A few centimeters in either direction he would have been killed instantly.

   “You have to pull through.” Alexis was surprised at how strong she sounded. In the inside, she was having a meltdown. The agony of not knowing his prognoses mixed with the possibility of losing the best woman she ever knew was just too much at one time. “You and Nate will have matching casts. He will be so thrilled to be like his favorite person.”

   His hand twitched beneath hers in response.

   Alexis straightened in her chair, “Jeremy?” She held her breath and waited. Tears flooded when his eyes fluttered before he turned to look at her. A smile broke across her face, “Hey there handsome.”

   A crease formed in his brow, “Who are you?”

   Her entire world shattered. In all her fretting, the possibility of him losing his memory had never crossed her mind. What were they going to do? Was it permanent? Would he want her around? Did they-. Her mind cut off and dove straight into relief at his smile. “Don’t do that to me.” Wetness fell from her eyes, “Do you have any idea what you’ve been through?”

   “I can see it in your face.” Most of what happened was a blur to him. It felt like a dream. “Nathan is safe right?”

   “Thanks to you.” She brushed his hair from his bandage. “You were shot. Do you remember that?”

   He squinted his eyes in concentration, ‘I remember running through the woods with my head splitting.” His good hand shot to his head and his mouth formed an ‘O’

   “It bounced off your temple plate.” Alexis tried to avert the panic she saw building. “Doc says you got lucky.”

   “Then why do I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck driven by a herd of elephants?”

   “Grey ran you off the road.”

   The eerie sound of crunching metal echoed in his head as he recalled the event. “Jim was hurt and trapped.”

   “Broken leg was his worse injury. Just some scrapes and bruises from the glass. You have three broken ribs, wrist, and a ruptured spleen. They had to take it out. You have a total of 30 stitches for the glass on your torso. Of course the head wound.”

   “Can’t forget that one,”  Jeremy muttered having trouble keeping his mind from fogging over from the pain meds. “Kate. Did we find Kate?”

   “She was in the trunk of Grey’s car.” Alexis frowned, “it’s bad.”

   “I’m sorry.” Jeremy went to squeeze her hand to find there something in his palm. He smiled when he help up King Arthur. “How’d I get this?”

   “Nate gave it to you for protection.” Alexis watched Jeremy smile, ‘Your mother is here.”

   His lips dropped into a frown, “She is?”

   “She is very worried about you. I know you’re upset with her and you have every right to be, but she is your mother.” And you never know how long you had. Alexis knew that it wasn’t long enough to hold a grudge. “She apologized to me and she wants to do the same for you.”

   “Where is she?”

   “Outside. She didn’t know if you wanted to see her.”

   Jeremy thought for a long moment, “Go get her.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   Castle entered his wife’s hospital room struggling to remain upright. Everyone had let him go in first knowing he needed to see her the most. Plus Jim didn’t seem like he had the strength just yet to see his daughter in such a critical condition. Castle wasn’t either. Seeing her so still and nearly fully bandage cut him at the knees. Her left leg was elevated and splinted. Her right wrist had a soft cast on it, her face was wrapped in thick layers of gauze and holding an ice pack to reduce any more swelling to her right cheekbone.  He moved to the bed to take her good hand which was marked with thin scratches. The machine hissed and wheezed pushing oxygen into Beckett’s lungs. He glanced at the monitor to see that her heart rate was low as well as her blood pressure. There had been no signs of improvement since the surgery.

   Fighting tears, Castle knelt down beside the bed. “You can’t leave me, Kate.” He placed a hand lightly on her flat stomach, “Neither can you, little one.  You’ve got to be strong just like mommy. Fight’ Castle kissed Beckett’s stomach. “Please fight with everything you’ve got because I’m not giving up on either of you.”

  

  


	14. 9 AM Goodbye

   “Nathan be careful.”

   “I want to see Mommy!” He retorted slipping on the thin layer of snow on the ground.

   Castle snatched the back of Nate’s winter boat to keep him from bashing his head against a nearby headstone. “I know you’re in a hurry, but you need to slow down. The snow makes it slippery.” To calm himself and Nate, Castle knelt down placing the flowers he carried carefully on the ground before fixing the buttons of Nate’s coat. The four-year-old had demanded that he dressed himself today and knowing he needed to feel in control over something, Castle let him. He didn’t even say anything when Nate came out with his coat buttons miss matched and two left shoes on. Castle tightened the boys scarf to keep him warm as possible being careful of the bruises along his jaw and neck. “Remember to be on your best behavior okay.”

   Nate tapped his foot impatiently, “I know Dad.”

   “Hold on.” Castle kept him one more minute to smooth down his cowlick. Nate looked so grown up in his black suit, woolen coat, and with his usually unruly brown hair slicked to the side.  “Are you ready?”

   Nate shook his head, “I think so.”

   Taking a deep breath, Castle stood picking up the flowers and took his son’s good hand.  Together they moved silently through to graveyard towards the group gathered on the east side. The only sound was the snow crunching under their shoes. Castle tried to keep his face neutral. He didn’t want Nate to see the emotions raging inside him that kept building with each step he took. He forced a small smile when Alexis lifted her gaze from the casket to invite him closer.

   Squeezing Nate’s hand, he approached to greet the older woman who turned to greet him. “Hi.”

   Her gaze fell to the boy than to the flowers before landing back on the writer’s face. “Thank you for coming.” Lucy’s voice was hoarse from all her tears. “I know that you rather be at your wife’s bedside.”

   He would, but Castle wasn’t going to admit it. He hadn’t slept at all keeping post at Beckett’s bedside. Everyone had come and go to visit only person staying was Jim. Nate wanted to stay but Martha had convinced him to go home to sleep. Beckett’s condition hadn’t improved which worried the doctor’s. “She would want to be here.”

   “I’m sorry Ms. Lucy.” Nate softly spoke hugging close to his father’s side. “Beth was always nice to be. She snuck me, sweets.”

   Though her face was shrouded in grief, Lucy smiled at Nate. “She always liked spending time with you and Alexis.  As well as Kate and you, Rick. I don’t think she would have survived with you’re the help your family provided.”

   “She was a good woman.” She didn’t deserve her fate. Thinking that Castle moved to pay the flowers over Beth’s casket. He moved to stand next to Alexis before lifting Nate into his arms. Together, with the snow falling in the mid-afternoon of Christmas Eve, the Castle stood together as they said goodbye to Beth.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   Working his black tie loose, Castle shuffled through the maternity floor. As he approached Jenny’s hospital room he heard the sweet sound of laughter. There hadn’t been much of that these last couple of days. Hoping that he didn’t look as grim as he felt, Castle knocked on the door frame drawing the attention of all the Ryan’s. “I hear there is a rumor going around that there is a new addition to the family.” He held up the teddy bear in his hands, “brought her a gift.”

   “Uncle Rick!” Patrick jumped off the edge of the hospital bed. “We have a sister!”

   “Her name is Sara Grace.” His twin finished beaming.

   Jenny peeled back the pink blanket to show off her daughter. “Six pounce and five ounces.”  

   Castle peered down, “She’s beautiful.” The want to have more children came kicking to the surface again. The doctors were still uncertain if the baby was going to pull through or even alive. They were going to do an ultrasound when Beckett woke up. If she woke up. Castle tried to push his dark thoughts away. “You look good Jenny.”

   Flushed, she pushed her frizzed hair from her face, “so Kevin keeps saying, but I don’t believe him either. Want to hold her.”

   “Yeah.” He handed the teddy bear off the Ryan and held out his arms so Jenny could shift Sara into them. The small pound of flesh yawned before opening her blue eyes to look at him. This time he didn’t have to fake a smile. He looked to Ryan, “Good looking kid you got there Ryan. Thank god that she got all her looks from Jenny.”

   Patrick and Aidan snickered.

   “Yeah yeah.” Ryan moved the youngest twin from his lap. “You got a second?”

   Castle passed Sara back to his mother and placed a kiss on Jenny’s brow. “Congratulations.”

   “Kiss too Uncle Rick?” Aidan asked.

   “Of course I can’t forget about you two monsters.” Castle filled the young boy’s request before meeting Ryan out in the hallway.

   The Irish detective crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. Though he had happiness shining in his eyes, he looked bone tired from being up all night. “How is Kate?”

   Castle rubbed his stubbly chin, “No change from last night.”

  “What about Jeremy? Alexis came by this morning before the funeral. I was with the boys getting something to eat so I didn’t get a chance to ask.”

   “Awake and banged up. He got lucky, the bullet bounced off his temple plate. He is having some memory issues, but the docs say that’s normal.” Castle leaned against the bed because it felt like he was going to just pass out any minute. He tried sleeping in the chair at his wife’s bedside, but worry made him wide awake. “They say he will be released in a few days.”

   “How is Nate taking all of this?”

   “Amazingly well. I think that he’s going to break here soon, especially if Kate doesn’t wake up soon. Everyone is doing their best to keep him distracted.”

   “I’ll bring Aidan and Pat up to see if they can distract him for a bit.”

   “That will be helpful. I’m going to go back upstairs. Congrats again Kevin.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o

   Tired, Castle took the chair closest to his wife’s bedside. Nate, reluctantly, to say the least, went with Ryan and the twins to go see the new baby. Martha had taken post in the corner of the room so Jim could be one the other side of the hospital bed. The doctor had said they should have seen a change in the twelve plus hours Beckett has been here.  The fact she hadn’t better or worse puzzled him. That wouldn’t be the word Castle would use to describe the situation. Hell would be better.

   “Did you see Kevin’s girl?” Jim asked his voice course from the lack of sleep. He looked equally as bad from sleeping what little he didn’t in the hospital chair.

   The corner of Castle’s mouth twitched “Looks like Jenny.”

   “Kevin is going to have to beat men off with a stuck if she grows to look like her mother.” Martha’s voice lacked that sing-song tone she used so often when talking about joyful things. The mood in the room was defiantly gloomy. “How was the funeral?”

   “Good. Lucy is going to take the money Elissa left her and start a foundation for rape victims. Especially those who end up pregnant and don’t terminate.” Castle reported. Hopefully, with the right support, nobody would have to go through what Beth did.  Silently hiding the burden of carrying your rapist child. “Have you eaten Jim?”

   “No, he hasn’t,” Martha answered when Jim was on the verge of lying. “He hasn’t left her side for more than two minutes.”

   Castle hadn’t wanted o leave more than that either, but he knew he needed to go to Beth’s funeral. Plus he couldn’t completely ignore his son’s needs. The boy was traumatized so Castle needed to make sure he did his best to get Nate back into the most normalized routine possible. “You need to eat.”

He tried to glare, but his face softend at the utter despair on his son in law’s face. Castle was struggling to keep everything holding together.  Trying to take care of everyone but himself. So Jim didn’t argue, “You’ll call me if anything happens?”

   “Of course.”

   “I’ll keep you company.” Martha ushered Jim from his chair, helping balance him as he reached for his crutches. “We’ll bring you back some coffee, Richard.”

   “Thanks, mother.” Once alone, Castle took his wife’s good hand in his and pressed it against his cheek. They had been in these situations many times and it never got easier to handle. The last time it was life or death he had confessed his love and then was pushed away for months. This time felt worse. They had shared seven years full of laughter, life, tears, love, and family between them. He couldn’t lose her. Life without her just wasn’t even imaginable. He needed her. Nate needed his mother. Plus it wasn’t fair. It was a childish thought and fate was anything but child’s play. They just, after everything they’ve gone through in the last decade, deserved so much. Didn’t they suffer enough with losing three babies?  Did they really deserve to go through all that pain and heartache again?

   Castle laid his free hand gently over his wife’s stomach hoping the life he was willing into them would be enough to pull them through.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   Alexis stopped mid-conversation when she caught sight of Sarah through the window of the door.  “Your mother is outside.” She softly spoke and her face sobered. “You can’t avoid her for forever.”

   “I know.” Jeremy rubbed the growth forming on his chin. “I’m just not so sure I’m ready to forgive her.”

   “I know what she said was harsh and unjustifiable, but you have to find it in your heart to forgive her.” Alexis’s thought drifted to the woman fighting for her life on the floors above. She wished, oh how she wished, that she could have told her one last time how much she loved her. How grateful she was that Beckett accepted her and loved her as a mother, never changing how she felt even when Nate came along. Alexis wished so much. “You’ve got to make sure you never stay angry. You never know what fate has in store.”

   Jeremy sighed in the way that meant she was right. “Will you stay?”

   “Never going to get rid of me,” Alexis promised and moved to open the door. Sarah sat with a Styrofoam cup between her hands staring blankly ahead. “Sarah.”

   The tired woman jumped so fast she spilled the coffee. “Will he see me?”

   “Yes.”

   After cleaning up the spill, Sarah cautiously approached her son’s bedside. With each step, she fought tears. “How are you feeling?”

   Jeremy blinked at how calm her voice sounded. The last time it was full of bitterness and hatred for him, his job, and Alexis. He did his best to smile, “Got good drugs so I’m good.”

   A single tear escaped on a watery laugh, “You defiantly got your sense of humor from your father.” She placed a hand on his good arm taking in every inch of him. “I’m sorry Jeremy.”

   “Mom-.”

   “No please let me get this out.” Sarah pleaded. “I was terrified when I got to call. In an instant, I was back in the kitchen with you running around like a mad man because you were waiting for your father getting that call that changed our lives. I said such horrible things.” Her gaze flickered to the read head standing across from her on guard by her son’s side. “To both of you. Jeremy, you are such a great and brave man. Rick told me what you did for little Nathan. Your father would be so proud. I am so proud of who you are and the great cop you’ve become.”

   Jeremy stammered for a moment. That was the first time she ever spoke something other than disdain for his job. “Thank you.”

   “And Alexis you are the best woman I could have ever wished for to love my son. You love and understand him. You accept his job with such grace. I see your influence on him every time I see him. You haven’t changed him, you’ve helped him be a better person. I attacked you out of fear. I don’t deserve instant forgiveness.”

   “Mom.” Jeremy squeezed her hand and this time smiled without any strain. “I do forgive you. I can’t imagine what I put you through. I was so wrapped in what I was feeling and forgot this would have dragged up some pretty bad stuff. I love you.”

   Sarah looked to Alexis, “I wish I had your resolve about his job. I would hope in the future you could teach me your secret.”

   “I asked my dad how he handled it with Kate and he had asked Jim after they got together.” Alexis smiled at her fiancé. Her heart tugged at his current condition. His color had started to return, but he was only a shade above the color of the bandage wrapped around his head. “You just loved them and it’s enough.”

   “How is Kate?” Sarah softly asked as if she was almost afraid to.

   “No change from when she was first brought in.” It was now pushing in the seven O’clock hour of the evening with no sign of improvement. It was driving her father into madness. If Alexis ever doubted her father’s feelings for her stepmother her faith was fully restored.  “The doctor told us to prepare for the worst.”

   At that moment, Meredith pushed into her room with a cheery hello and an arm full of take-out cutting the despair floating in the room. “Figured Jeremy and you were tired of hospital food. Oh.” The actress stopped halfway into the room. “His Sarah. Do I need to come back?”

   “No,” Sarah assured.

   “Good because I brought plenty of food.” Meredith dumped the bags in the closest chair. “How are you feeling today Jeremy?”

   “Good.”

   Meredith carefully wrapped her arm carefully around her daughter, “and you?”

   “Sore.  
 Alexis admitted grateful her mother was here and doing whatever she could to distract them from the current situation upstairs.

   “Didn’t they give you pain killers?” Jeremy asked concerned.

   “They make me foggy and I want to be in the right mind to help Dad with Nathan.”

   “Kevin brought him to see the new baby and spend some times with the twins,”Meredith informed. She had brought Nate a milkshake and could see right through the mask the boy had put on. He was terrified, maybe a part of it from the overnight events, but mostly at the thought he was going to lose his mother. “You need to rest too Alexis to keep up your strength.”

   “I took a nap before Beth’s funeral.” Alexis defended.

   ‘Oh good everyone is here.” Martha walked into the room with a slightly reluctant Jim hobbling in behind her. “Sarah lovely to see you.”

   “Hello, Martha.”

   “Listen I know things aren’t exactly cheering right now, but I have an idea.” Martha started glancing at Jim and corrected herself, “Well we did. We should so Christmas.”

   “Grams.” Alexis had a warning tone in her voice.

   “I know the last thing on our mind is celebrating Christmas when there isn’t much joy going around. But-.” Martha held up her hand before she could be interrupted. “We need something and I think it will be good for Nathan.”

   Alexis still wasn’t convinced, “I don’t know.”

   “I think it’s a good idea.” Meredith agreed properly for the first time with Martha. “I know Rick has a ton of decorations and we can get some presents.” They still had a little time left. “Leave the big ones for when you guys get him.”

   It wasn’t something Alexis particularly wanted to do, but they were right. Nate needed something like this. “Okay.”

   “Good.” Martha tried to smile without the shadow of grief. “Meredith maybe after you eat you would like to help. Sarah?”

   Sarah was surprised at the invitation. “I would love to help.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   Castle awoke to tapping. Or was he still dreaming? He had been so tired he fell asleep against his will. He had been awake for almost twenty-four hours and it seemed his body had reached its breaking point. Annoyed, he burrowed his face deeper into the crock of his arm trying to stay under for just a bit longer. Despite him wanting to be awake, he really did need the sleep.  

   _Rick_

Castle’s mine or more his subconscious deciphered that someone was spelling his name using Morse Code.

   _Rick_

   The writer jumped up fully awake to see his wife’s pointer finger tapping against the back of his hand. With her heart in his throat, he gently brushed a strand of hair carefully from her forehead. “Kate.” He watched her eyes move under her closed lid. “Open your eyes baby.”

   _Can’t_ Beckett tapped against his hand.

   “Jim.” He looked at the dozing man in the corner. “Jim wake up!”

   “What?” Groggy, Jim looked around, saw the look on his son in law’s face, and was on his feet wobbling a little without his crutches. “Katie?”

   Only one eye was visible through the gauze wrapped around her ace to hold the ice back against her shattered cheekbone. Kate’s eyelids fluttered but never opened. Castle felt her hand move in a panicked gesture. “It’s your dad.” He explained hoping to calm her down. “Try to open your eyes.”

   Jim held his breath watching for her to comply. Again her lid barely fluttered. Had the crash affected her motor functions? The doctors had said something about swelling of the brain.  “What’s wrong?”

   “I don’t know.” Castle slammed the nurse call button so hard it nearly broke.

   Jim noticed his daughter’s finger moving wildly. “What is she doing?”

   “Morse Code.” Castle concentrated, spelling out the letters and figure out what she was trying to say. “Alexis is safe. A little scratched up.” More tapping. “Nate is okay. He should up at the station.” Castle figured he’d leave the car accident and all that followed for when she was stronger. Once again at his reassurance, he felt her sag in relief. Tears filled his bloodshot eyes. “Please open your eyes for me, honey.”

   He could tell it took all her will to crack her lid open a fraction before it slammed shut. Then she started to hyperventilate causing the machines she was hooked up to go crazy. Castle’s squeezed with fear, “Kate calm down baby.” He tried other soothing words and gestures, nothing worked. “Go get the doctor.”

   Jim grabbed his crutches and took off out the door.

   “Calm down.” Castle gently stroked her hair, “Talk to me.”

   _Blind_

Castle could hear the question in her tapping. “No honey. Much of your left side of your face is covered in gauze to hold an ice pack. It’s helping with the swelling. Your cheekbone was shattered.” Castle listed off the rest of her injuries and explained about the tube down her throat and how it was helping her breathe due to fluid in her lungs. By the time he was done, which had only been a few minutes at most, the writer could tell she was fighting to stay awake.

   _Grey_

“Dead.” Again Castle gave his wife the short version knowing he wouldn’t get through the whole story at the moment.

   _Good._ And just like that, she went under again.

      Castle made some stupid excuse to Jim and the doctor once they returned and bolted out of the hallway. He was holding together by the seams. In search of a quiet place far away, Castle nearly collided with a nurse and tripped over an orderly’s cart. He didn’t stop to help, couldn’t really. The moment that he did he would shatter into a million pieces. He couldn’t do it so close to Beckett’s hospital room. Stay strong. That’s what he had to do for his family. But he needed to have just one moment for himself. After finding a single bathroom, the writer locked the door behind him and latched on to the sink to keep himself upright. He sank his teeth into his lip to trap his sobs still unable to let completely. Once he did he feared he wouldn’t be able to put himself back together. The small room was filled with the muffled sounds of his sobs while his body shook uncontrollably and blood leaked from his clenched mouth. It was a struggle to keep everything he was feeling over the last twenty-four hours inside. In the short span of time, he nearly lost his son, daughter, and wife. There was still a chance that he was going to lose Beckett and the baby.

   God life without Beckett. There was no way to keep the sobs in anymore. They spilled out in deep gut wrenching sounds bringing him to his knees. Thinking to the child growing inside his wife, Castle rested his head against the cool porcelain.  The want no need for the child was great, but the need for Beckett’s life was greater. If he had to choose Castle would want his wife to pull through even though he already loved their unborn child. Did that make him a monster? Or was it human?

   After a while, Castle’s sobs turned into soft hiccups. He had broken and thankfully he still found the will to pull himself back together. Well mostly. Now he felt utterly drained both physically and mentally. His eyes felt like led and his stomach felt sick. He wanted nothing more than to curl in a ball to sleep. But his family needed him. So gather the strength, the writer pulled himself onto his shaking limbs to splash cool water on his blotchy face. There was no way he could hide the fact he had been crying. His gaze lifted to the mirror and didn’t recognize the person staring back at him. There was a day’s growth on his face, his eyes were bloodshot and swollen, and his skin was pale. His hair was a mess. No scratch that, he was a mess. His clothes were askew and wrinkled. Maybe he should have taken his mother’s advice this morning and go to the loft to clean up. Castle had settled for washing up in the bathroom’s sink not wanting to leave his wife’s side more than he had to.

   Knowing he couldn’t hide for forever, Castle made it to the ICU waiting room. Lanie had her head on Esposito’s shoulder and both were dozing. Judging by the mountain of take out in the trash can and the fact they still wore the same clothes from yesterday the pair had hardly left the room.

   Lanie was the first to sense the writer’s presence. She blinked, took in his state, and shot to her feet. “What happened? Is Kate okay?”

   “She woke up for a few minutes.” Castle’s voice was rough. “The doctor’s with her now to see if maybe they can take her off the vent.”

   “That’s good.” Esposito, awaken by his wife’s movements, looked to Lanie. “Right?”

   “If she can breathe on her own it’s a good step to recovery,” Lanie explained. “But her injuries were severe there might be that chance her condition might deteriorate.”

   “That’s why I’m not sure if I should tell Nathan.” Castle rubbed his tired face. “I don’t want to get his hopes up. God knows he has been through enough.”

   “You should at least tell Alexis.” Lanie insisted. “The girl blames herself for all of this.”

   Castle’s head jerked up, “She said that?”

   “Rick she didn’t have too. It is obvious. I think that’s why she hasn’t been up here since coming back from the funeral.”

   How could he have been so stupid? Castle cursed himself for not noticing, “If the doctors-.”

   “We’ll call you,” Esposito promised.

   Downstairs outside of Jeremy’s hospital room, Castle peeked through the window into the room. His daughter, still in her dress from Beth’s funeral, was curled in the chair with her feet tucked under her fast asleep.  He quietly opened the door but apparently, it was loud enough to wake Alexis. “Hi. How is he doing?”

   Alexis straightened in her chair, “he finally let the doctors give him something for the pain.” Her eyed narrowed and her face fell. “You’ve been crying. Has something happened?”

   He could hear the guilt mixed with the worry in her voice. Wither it was guilt for not being up stars or for leaving Beckett behind he wasn’t sure. Castle just wished he had the means to make it go away. “Kate woke up.”

   Alexis was on her feet, “She’s awake? Can I see her?”

   “She fell back asleep.”

   “I need to see her,” Alexis spoke in tears.

   “Alexis this isn’t your fault.” Castle moved to take her in his arms only to have her resist. Castle fought and she fought in return rejecting his comfort and love like she didn’t’ deserve it. “Alexis.”

   “it is!” she was almost screaming as she pounded her fist against his chest. “Grey would have never hurt Kate or Nathan if it wasn’t for me. I helped put him away. Even Beth would still be alive!”

   “You don’t know that.” Castle shot back. “Who knows how many other women’s lives he would have ruined if you hadn’t helped put him away.”

   “I’m the reason he’s messed up our lives.” It was a bit selfish thinking on her part. “If I never left that damn hotel or even took a cab things would be different. It would be better.”

   Castle thought for a moment where his life would be if that night never happened as he did from time to time about life-changing events. If that select even didn’t happen Alexis most likely wouldn’t have given Jeremy that chance. And he was damn sure that it would have taken him a few more years at the most to wear Beckett down. God knows if Nate would even be around. Fate was something he firmly believed in. Sometimes you had to have some bad to achieve the good. “That’s not true.”

   “Yes, it is! I’m the reason you’re going to lose the baby you desperately wanted.” Tears streamed down her pale face before she collapsed against him in defeat. “I’m so sorry Dad.”

   “Shh.” Castle stroke a soothing hand over Alexis’s braided hair fighting tears of his own. Apparently, his want for another child was more apparent than he thought. “We are going to get through this Lex. I promise.” It would be a long bumpy road but they would reach the end of this nightmare as a family. “Come on.”

   By the time they made it back upstairs almost thirty minutes later they were meet by Martha and Meredith both had their arms full and looking anxious. Castle looked confused at all the bags. He swore he saw a miniature Christmas tree. “What’s all this.”

   “A little surprise we were in the middle of when Jim called. We got here as fast as we could.” Martha placed the bags in the corner of the room.

   “Mr. Castle you’re back.”  Sean gave the family a big smile. “Your wife’s lungs are clear of fluids so we took her off the vent. So far she’s having no trouble breathing on her own. She did wake up briefly, but we put her back under to remove to the tube. It will take some time for all the sedatives to flush out of her system.”

   Alexis grasped her father’s arm, “will she be okay?”

   “In a couple of hours, we will know if the worst is over,” Sean predicted.

 

  

  

  


	15. 5 PM Christmas

      Around dawn, Castle held his sleeping son while watching Beckett’s chest rise and fall in time of her breathing. Seeing the movement and knowing she was doing it without assistance was a great comfort. She had woken a few times throughout the night for briefs amount of time but never could stay conscious for more than five minutes. His mother and ex-wife banded together, which was a hell of a shocker and decorated the room with Christmas decorations. Garland, tinsel and small colorfully lighted Christmas tree sat on the window seal with a few small presents under it. If they had approached him about this idea twelve hours ago Castle would have been put off and most likely angry. Now that Beckett was on the slope to recovery, Castle was grateful for the bit of cheerfulness.  When it became a decent hour and Beckett was able to stay awake for longer periods of time the boys planned to visit with their own small gifts so they could have a true family Christmas. The writer was sure the hospital staff was going to throw a fit, especially since they planned to sneak Jeremy up here as well.

   “Rick?”

   Castle tried not to jostle ante while reaching to squeeze his wife’s hand. “Right here, baby.”

   She turned to look at him and frowned at the state of their son. Beckett remembered through her drug filled mind that Castle had said their son was okay? Why did he have scraps and bruises as well as a cast on his arm? “You said he wasn’t hurt.”

   “Kate-.”

   “Mommy?” Nate stirred at the sound of the voice he knew so well.

   Grateful for the distraction, castle scooted to the edge of his chair so Nate could be close to her. “Look who is awake.” 

   Nate’s head bounced off his father’s shoulder and the four-year hold shouted waking Jim who slept in the corner. Nate grinned, “Look, Grandpa! Mommy is awake.”

   “Nathan no.” Castle stopped his son from launching out of his arms. “Remember Mommy is hurt bad.”

   He stuck out his bottom lip in a pout, “I want to kiss them better.”

   “Let him.” Beckett weakly pleaded obviously needed the reassurance that he was okay.

   Carefully, Castle position Nate so he was stretched out on Beckett’s good side. He helped his wife wrap her arm around their son. “He’s been worried.”

   “We all have.” Jim sated hobbling to the other side of the bed drawing another confused look from the injured woman. He managed a smile, “You scared the hell out of me Kate.”

   “Dad.” Beckett couldn’t really apologize because she was protecting her family. Given the choice, she would do it all over again.

   “Kate?” Alexis’s voice came from the open door where she lingered with an anxious look on her face.

   “Lex?” Beckett turned seeking sight of her stepdaughter, but her good eye was still blurry. All she could really make out was a blob. Like Nate, it seemed she needed physical reassurance that everyone was safe.

   Hesitant, Alexis crossed the hospital room. It seemed she felt slightly out of place. Her brother had every right to be snuggled in Beckett’s arm as he was her child. She, on the other hand, didn’t have to right to take away his comfort because Beckett was just her, step mother. “I’m here.” She comforted unsure of what to do now.  Beckett should hate or blame her along with a thousand other different things. Yet here she was reaching out for her and she clasped onto it and the tears just came pouring out. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

   “Stop.” Beckett softly commanded pulling her down to join the embrace with Nate. It hurt like hell having their weight pressed against her body, it was also a sense of reassurance that her children were safe.

   Carefully, Alexis buried her face in Beckett’s neck and sobbed out everything she had been holding in.

   Nate wiggled out sensing that his sister needed a moment alone with their mother.

   Tears prickled in the corner of her eyes at the way Alexis clung to her while she wept. A wave of love washed through the pain. She and Alexis had always been close, well minus a few hiccups here and there. But there had always been a barrier that Alexis kept up and Beckett had respected it.  For roughly all her life it had been her and her dad. Then she came along upsetting the apple cart. Beckett had accepted when they first got together that Alexis came first in Castle’s life and he in hers.  So Beckett never dwelled or addressed the small resentment Alexis carried about having her attention split. That barrier was now shattered. Alexis was as much as her child as she was Castle.

    “It’s okay. I’m okay.” Beckett softly whispered doing her best to stroke the young woman’s hair. “I’m so glad you’re okay. I wouldn’t forgive myself if Grey got his hands on you.”

   Did she feel guilty? The fact made Alexis just sob harder. “I’m sorry.”

   “Don’t I told you to go.” Beckett reminded. “Look at me, Honey.”

   Alexis lifted her tear stained face to look down at her stepmother. The gauze that was on her face was wet from Beckett crying.

   Beckett brushed the wetness from Alexis’s cheek, “There is nothing to be sorry for.”

   Alexis leaned in Beckett’s hand, “Thank you.”

   “Never thank me for loving you.” That seemed to be the Castle family motto. “Never.”

   “I love you.” Alexis pressed a careful kiss to Beckett’s gauze covered brow and silently added, “Mom.”

   Castle saw the smile that crossed his wife’s face before she drifted off again. He clasped a hand over Jim’s shoulder sending him a silent thank you for raising such an amazing person.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   Since the doctor seemed to be pleased with the morning developments, Sean gave them the reassurance that her chances of pulling through were now higher. That seemed to be enough for the family as they left in pairs to clean up and get some real food in their bellies. Castle opted to stay behind as he was not ready just yet to leave his wife’s side. He did convince Jim to leave knowing that his father in law was in pain even if he didn’t want to admit it. Jim didn’t agree until Nate asked him to come home with him. Of course, like most people, Jim couldn’t refuse the four-year old’s request.

   So now Castle sat once again at his wife’s bedside watching her breathe. She had woken up a few times in the last few hours since they left; she never stayed up for more than a few minutes. Each time she was able to stay conscious for longer period of time.  If he hasn’t been watching he have missed her chest shutter as it often did when she woke up.  “Kate.” He stood to gaze down at her. He saw her one eye open and it filled instantly with panic. “You’re okay baby. You’ve got gauze over your face remember.”

   She latched onto his hand, “I’m at the hospital?”

   “Yes.” He ran his free hand over her hair, “The kids are safe and Grey is dead.”

   Safe. Beckett let that word echo in her head until her body relaxed. Then the pain can sweeping in. Okay so she might be safe but she was hurt. She looked down and saw her leg strung up. Very badly. She remembered something about injuries only to come up empty. “How bad?”

   “You broke your tibia and fibula. Also, your wrist is shattered along with a cheekbone. You had some internal bleeding, concussion, and other bruised bones.” He reminded as he did a few hours earlier.

   Beckett swept her gaze around the room to find it empty, “Everyone left?”

   “Just for a little bit. No one has left since you were admitted.”

   “What’s with the Christmas tree in the window?”

   “Well, its Christmas day.” Castle pointed out, “and the family wanted to have a small celebration for Nathan. We were just waiting for you to wake up.”

   “That’s nice.” Beckett struggled to get her mind thinking. Now that they were alone she needed an answer that her husband had eluded earlier. Looking down at her body lead to a lot of questions. Things from the events were a bit hazy. She did remember something about a trunk of a car. Beckett was damn her leg hadn’t been broken and her body didn’t feel like it had been ran over by a couple of dozen dump trunks. Beckett was pretty sure that something was being kept from her.

   “What is it?” Castle was already halfway to the call button. “Are you in pain?”

   “No stop.” She waved him off wincing at the twinge in her ribs. If the doctor came in they would most likely give her something for the pain she actually was in. “I need you too-.”

   “What?”

   “Shut up.” She softly pleaded, struggling to keep her mind clear. “Tell me everything that happened.”

   “Kate.”

   “No don’t do that.” IF her body would allow it she would have pushed herself into a sitting position. The way he kept deflecting her question only made her panic grow. “Tell me, Rick.”

   Sighing, Castle rubbed the stubbles on his cheek. “He called after Alexis escaped and moved you. We were able to get Drew to flip on Grey and found the warehouse he was holding you two. He called demanding I give him his son.”

   “He wanted the same thing from me,” Beckett recalled the desperation on Grey’s face every time he demanded his son. Each time she refused Grey put his hands on her.

Castle felt a nasty taste forming in the back of his throat at the way her voice wavered. Oh god. Ice ran through his veins. “Kate.” His hand hovered over hers unsure if he should touch her. “Did Grey.” He swallowed. “Did he-.”

   She closed her eyes while one tear escaped. “He came so close.” Alexis had noticed the marks left on her breast, but she had lied when Alexis asked what had been done.  “When I-I wouldn’t talk he tried everything he could think of.”

   “You don’t have too.” Castle wasn’t sure if he was ready to hear it just yet. The last nearly thirty-six hours had been an emotional roller coaster.

   Beckett was grateful because she herself wasn’t ready to talk about it just yet.  “I need to know what happened.”

   “He told me the only way I could get you back was to give him his son or ours. I wouldn’t give up our son, Kate. Or that innocent boy. If Grey got his hands on him there was no telling what he’d have to go through.”

   “That’s why I didn’t say anything.” Beckett figured it had been worth all that she went through to make sure that Austin stayed oblivious to Grey’s existence. “I couldn’t do that.”

   “Before the call, your Dad took Nate to his cabin to get him safe so after the call, I sent Jeremy to go pick them up.” Castle took a breath suppressing the sickening feeling that started to coil in his stomach upon remembering the horrible sound of crunching metal. “But it proved to be a mistake because Grey followed him to the cabin. Grey ran the car off the road with Jim, Jeremy, and Nathan inside.”

   “What?” She jerked up and light exploded behind her closed lid at the pain that shot through her. “You should have told me.”

   “You just woke up and since then you haven’t been conscious long enough for me to tell you.” Castle defended. “Your dad has some bumps and bruises along with a broken leg. Nathan is cut up and had a broken wrist.”

   Beckett didn’t like the fact he hadn’t mentioned Jeremy. “Jeremy?”

   “Broken wrist, ruptured spleen, and three broken ribs with some smaller injuries. Grey, he umm.” Castle wavered struggling to get his mouth to form the right words.  “He shot Jeremy in the head and it bounced off his temple plate.”

   “Oh my god!”

   “They told us he will make a full recovery,” Castle told her of the events that followed the car accident. He swore he was going to lose circulation in his hand the way she gripped it as he told her of Nate’s race through to woods to get away from Grey. “You would be so proud of him, Kate. He saved Jeremy’s life. He should have run, but he stood his ground and used his wits. He started throwing rocks at Grey distract Grey long enough to give Jeremy a chance.”

   “I don’t know whether if I should be proud or mad,” Beckett whispered.

   “I went with both.”

   Beckett took a moment to process all the information given to. Between the drugs and pain, that night was basically a blur after Alexis’s escape. But the crash would explain her current condition and that of her father and son. Yet she could see it on her husband’s face there was something more. Something that pained him a great deal to say.

   Castle was holding it because any minute now their family would cram into the room to celebrate Christmas. He wished he could dodge her unspoken request not wanting to burden her with.  Damn it! There was no way he could not tell her. “The doctors say that with all the trauma to your body you might lose the baby.”

   “Baby?” Her voice hitched as her stomach shook just above her flat stomach. All her buried hopes and grams for a child came racing to the surface so fast a soft sob bubbled from her throat. Once again she would be responsible for losing their child. Couldn’t fate, God, or whatever the hell was punishing her, just give her this one thing? Wasn’t three miscarriages enough? Didn’t after nearly dying for her two children prove to them that she was a good mother? “God Rick.”

   “Don’t blame yourself.” With tears running down his face, Castle gently kissed her brow. “You did nothing wrong.” It was the same thing he said the last three times and like before he knew to her it was. “Plus we don’t know. The doctor wants to do an ultrasound.”

   She clung to him with her good hand, “I can’t lose another one, Rick.”

   “Me either.” He brushed his lips over hers, “And we might not. Now the family is outside. Do you want to wait until we know?”

   Trying to swallow her sobs, Beckett managed to shake her head. “Just give me a minute.”

   Castle gave her five to compose herself before letting the heard of people into the hospital room. Castle gave her points for effort for managing a smile because he knew she was dying inside and swimming in guilt. He tried to suppress his own feelings as the room became filled past capacity. “Come here, buddy.”

   Nate climbed into the chair his father vacated before it moved as close to his mother’s bed as possible. “Hi, Mommy.”

   “Hi Honey.” There were still tears in her voice.

   Jim hobbled in ahead of Alexis who pushed a pale Jeremy into the room via wheelchair. Meredith and Martha followed with a few more gifts in their hands that they set under the tree.

    “You sure you’re up to this Kate?” Meredith knew by the Lieutenant’s bloodshot eyes that Castle told her about the baby.

   “Yes,” Beckett assured as the Ryan’s, minus the twins, and Esposito’s lead Sarah into the room. Beckett couldn’t say she was surprised to see Meredith here. In the last seven years, the actress had kept her primes made in that hallway to become the mother Alexis deserved. Beckett had found a good friend in Meredith. “Thank you for doing this.”

   Meredith’s lips curved upward, “It’s what family does.”

   “Stop looking at me like that Lanie,” Beckett remarked.

   “You can’t even see me.” Lanie pointed out trying to school her features. Seeing her best friend in such a condition was heartbreaking. And Lanie knew there was a long painful road ahead of Beckett.

   Beckett turned to look at the ME. “I can feel you burning a hole in the side of my head. I’m okay.” _For now,_ Beckett silently added feeling Castle squeeze her hand as if he read her thoughts.

   Lanie swiped at the tear that escaped her defenses, “Of course you are.”

   Beckett looked to the pale man in the wheelchair, “Thank you for all that you did to keep my family safe. I can never repay you for what you did.”

   A crooked smile crossed Jeremy’s face, “It’s like Meredith said, it’s what families do.”

   “We’re going to get matching casts.” Nate held up the wrist that was bound in a soft cast. “You can too Mommy.”

   “How about we get this thing started.” Jim could tell that his daughter was fighting to stay awake. He hobbled over to the Christmas tree and found a small present with Nate’s name on it. “You first Nate.”

   “I don’t need a present,” Nate confessed looking to his confused parents. “Santa already gave me the best one.”

   “What was that?” Castle wondered.

   “Mommy waking up.”

   Proud, Castle ruffled his son’s hair, “yeah that was the best present for all of us.”

   For the next twenty minutes, the room was filled with conversations and laughter as presents were exchanged. It was enough to keep Beckett’s mind from drifting down the dark path of despair. Hearing Nate’s banter with his sister was a reminder that no matter what she had two wonderful children that were happy and healthy. They loved each other unconditionally and proved they would do anything for one another.

   “I think I can return this now.” Jeremy dug out the Arthur figurine from the pocket of his hospital gown’s front pocket. He offered it to the small boy, “And I want to thank you.”

   “For what?” Nate tilted his head in confusion.

   “Because you saved my life.” Jeremy was damn sure if Nate hadn’t thrown that rick Grey would have killed him. “You would have been the bravest of King Arthur’s knights.”

   Nate beamed, “You think so?”

   “Yep.”

   Castle cringed when Sean walked into the crowded hospital room, “Uh oh we’re busted.”

   Instead of being made, the doctor smiled at the sight of scattered wrapping paper and smiling faces. “Not at all. Well, the nurses might, but I think this is such a great sight to see on this floor. But I do need to check on the patient and get a few tests done.”

   “We will get out of the way.” Esposito scooped up Nate and helped him say goodbye to Beckett. He smiled down at her, “So glad you’re okay Kate.” If she hadn’t pulled through Esposito was sure that no one in this room would recover.  

   “Thank Javi.”

   One by one, the occupants of the room bided goodbye until only Castle was left. Content with his presence, Dean shit the door. “Let’s see if we can get some of this gauze off your face.” He suggested leaning over to carful unwind the gauze.

   Castle had seen her battered face when the nurse had changed the ice packs, but seeing it again still made her stomach churn. There was a nice long gash that rounded around her rye which was swollen shut along with that half of her face. Her skin had a nice purple tinge surrounded by a shade of blue. Thankfully no surgery had been required after the resting of the bone, however, the gash would no doubt leave a nice scare and the swelling would take a few weeks at most to go down.

   “Must be bad if you’re not talking,” Beckett muttered trying to ignore the pain radiating from her cheek. She desperately wanted a mirror to see the damage. If the condition of her body was any indication she knew it had to be bad.

   “What is it?” He asked when she squeezed his hand.

   “Still can’t see.”

   “That’s because it’s swollen shut,” Sean informed shining his penlight into her good eyes. “How is your vision there?”

   “Still blurry.”

   “I’ll be honest we don’t know the current state of our vision in the other eyes. Hopefully, in a day or two, the swelling will go down so you can open it. There is a chance that your vision might be permanently damaged.” Sean figured that all his patients deserved to know the truth about their injuries and treatment. “I will have the nurse put another ice pack when we are done with your ultrasound.” Both perceptive parents paled. “The radiologist is right outside. I can give you a moment if you need it.”

   Beckett’s looked to her husband soaking up the support he offered. “Send them in.”

   Ten minutes later they had the portable ultrasound set up and Beckett’s belly exposed. There was bruising and slight swelling on both sides. There was a square gauze pad near her hip bone on one of her two stab wounds. The tech, who introduced herself as Linda, poured the gel on her stomach after warning it might be cold.

   Beckett groped for her husband’s hand and Castle caught it between his own. “Whatever happens I love you so much.” He brought her hand to his lips. “And together we can get through anything.”

   Beckett latched on to that hope and gave Linda a nod to continue. The pressure of the wand made her whimper but she never took her eyes off the screen. At first, it was but black grain that eventually shifted as Linda searched for the life inside her. Every few seconds Linda would stop type something on the keyboard and move the wand into a new position.

   Castle’s hand tightened around Beckett’s as they made out the familiar peanut shape of their baby. He remembered making a joke about the shape during their second pregnancy.  “Is it?” castle couldn’t’ even form the words in his mind let alone speak them.

   Linda repositioned the wand again and smiled at the little black speak inside the peanut shape. “That’s your baby’s heartbeat.”

   A tear slid down Beckett’s face, “Can we-we hear it?”

   “Of course.” Linda switched a button on the machine.

   At the sound of a rapid thudding coming from the speaker, Castle let out a sob of joy. There was no greater sound in the world at the moment than the sound of his child’s heartbeat. Castle carefully cradled his wife’s face in his hand. “Told you there was nothing to worry about.”

   Somewhere between laughter and sobs, Beckett curled her fingers in his shirt for dear life. She knew that there was that chance that something could happen to the baby especially given her history.  But for now, she took the hope that Linda just gave her and prayed it was enough. “I love you.” She chanted between heart filled kisses.

   Castle was somewhat of aware of Linda cleaning Beckett’s stomach of excess gel before quietly slipping out of the room to give them a moment alone. “We’re going to be okay.” He gave her a nice long kiss pouring everything he had into it. They had hope and love the two greatest things. “It’s going to be okay.”

   She stroked his cheek, “She is going to be okay?”

   A smile broke out across Castle’s face, “She?”

   She smiled herself as she brushed his tears away with the pad of her thumb. “I think it’s going to be a girl this time.”

   Boy or girl. Pink or blue. Castle didn’t care as long as both mother and baby were healthy in the end. Beckett had a long road of recovery ahead of her and it was his job to make sure she healed and took care of herself. “I love you, Katharine Castle.”

   “And I love you, Richard Castle.”


	16. 7 PM Breakdown

   “Nathan.”

   The four-year-old, who sat on his grandmother’s lap, looked up at his father and frowned. “Why have you been crying daddy?”

   The writer smiled and scooped his son into his arms, “Happy tears.” He corrected giving his mother a look that answered her unspoken question. A smile broke out across her face as she rose to kiss his cheek. “Kate wants to see him again then will you take him home.”

   “No Daddy.” Nate clamped his arms around his father’s neck. “I want to stay.”

   ‘I know you too, but you need to sleep and get healthy.” Castle knew that Nate was trying to hide the pain that he was actually in. It was a trait that he inherited from Beckett. “Mommy is going to be okay and if anything happens I will call Grams. Can you do that for me?”

   He didn’t want to, but Nate shook his head anyways. “Yes.”

   “Okay so let’s say goodnight.”

    Beckett stirred when she heard her son’s mindless chattering from down the hall. A smile crossed her face when a nurse indulged the four-year-old in a conversation that had both parties laughing. There was truly unrecognized magic in children. “Hey there buddy.” She greeted her son as Castle brought him into the room. She did her best to keep the pain from showing on her face. The doctors, on her request, dialed back the pain medication because of the baby and because she wanted to be more lucid for longer periods of time.

  After taking in his mother’s bandaged face, casted arm, and braced leg, Nate looked cautiously to his father, “Can I give Mommy a hug?”

   “Carefully,” Castle answered helping him sit on the bed on Beckett’s good side. 

   “Let me look at you first.” Beckett brushed his hair from his brow taking in every bruise and scratch on his pale face.  “Your Dad told me how brave you were.”

   “Jeremy needed me to be brave,” Nate explained. “He was hurt and so was grandpa. I didn’t want to go.”

   “I’m so glad that you did.” Beckett could only imagine what Castle went through as he ran through the woods trying to find Nate before Grey did.

   “But I didn’t leave Jeremy.” Nate continued. “I heard a gunshot and I heard the monster coming. Then Jeremy was shouting so I stopped running and hid. The monster found Jeremy first and was going to hurt him so I threw a rock. I hit the monster right here.” He pointed to his own forehead.

   Beckett gripped Castle’s hand struggling to keep calm. Just hearing it second handed was too much. Yes, she felt both pride and anger at her son’s action. Right now she was leaning towards proud because Nate’s actions had saved both Jeremy’s life and her own. Beckett noticed the way his bottom lip trembled in the way it did when he was fighting tears. “You must have been so scared.”

   Nate caught his trembling bottom lip between his teeth clearly struggling to be a big boy and not cry. He had to be strong. “A little.”

   Beckett looked to her husband with a silent plea for help that he answered by helping to move her arm allowing Nathan to snuggling into her side. Her heart broke when he balled his small fist in her hospital gown as the first tear fell through his defense.  Her brave little boy. An old soul just like his sister. “It’s okay.” It killed Beckett not to be able to wrap both arms around her son. “It’s all over now. We are all safe.”

   For some reason for Nate, it didn’t seem like that. Of course, for now, the monster was slain and everyone was relatively safe.  But what about next time? Would this be the last time he had to worry about his mother’s safety? He understood the danger of her job. It was the reason that his father stopped helping at the station. Nate knew that one day she might not come home. The last few days were a reminder that the nightmare could be a reality at any point. “I don’t want to lose you, Mommy,” Nate mumbled between his sobs.

   “You’re not going to lose me.” Beckett placed a kiss on the top of his head.

   Castle gently rubbed his son’s back, “Mommy is okay.” He reassured hating the way Nate was trembling with his sobs. Nothing hurt more than seeing one of his children so distraught. The last time that Castle could even remember Nate crying so hard, was well, never. Nate was always so strong. The doctors said it will take a bit, but she’s going to be just fine.”

   “But what about next time?” Nate softly asked his eyes starting to grow heavy with exhaustion.

   The question struck Beckett into silence.  That was a question she asked herself every time she had a close call on the job. Before Nate, before Castle, it wasn’t an issue. Her goal was catching her mother’s killer so it required risk. Plus who would have missed her? But then he met the boys and found a solid friendship with Lanie. It made her stop sometimes from taking stupid risks. Once Castle and especially when her son came around Beckett had on more than one occasion stopped to think if she should consider taking a desk job. Beckett loved being on the streets and bringing justice to those who couldn’t get it themselves. In the past seven years, she had only a few close calls, but this time was different. Her son was getting older and now experiencing the fear of her job.  Nathan had gone through hell in back these last few days and his biggest worry was what about next time.

    Castle watched their son cry himself to sleep. What about next time? With another child on the way, things were changing. He would love nothing more to have Beckett to give up being on the streets. He just would never ask her to do that. Loving her meant that Castle had to accept her job. It was something that he learned long ago before they even became a couple. But now their son had spoken his fear was it time to actually have that talk with his wife.

   “Don’t.” Beckett tightened her hold on Nate when her husband went to move the sleeping boy.

   “You’re in pain.”

   “I don’t care.” She pressed her cheek to the top of Nate’s head struggling to keep her tears at bay. Sometimes she wished that Nate wasn’t such an old soul for his age. Wished that he had the ignorance of the harsh reality of life for a few more years. “He is right. Next time I won’t be so lucky.”

   “I know.” Castle knelt down beside the bed to stroke his son’s hair. “I won’t ask you to give up your job.”

   “It would be easier if you would.”

   “Your job is important to you.”

   “But not more important than my family. I’ve achieved my goal. The person responsible for killing my mother is behind bars.”

   Castle brushed his fingers over her good cheek, “That might be the reason you started your job but it’s not what kept you doing it for all these years. You love helping others.”

   “I can do that from the safety of a desk.” Beckett pointed out kissing Nate’s head. “He was so close to growing up without a mother. I don’t ever want to put any of our children. Our family.” She corrected, “Through that.”

   “Well, you’ve got nine months to figure out what you want to do and whatever you decide you know I’ll support you.” It was the same thing he said when she lost contemplated giving up her job after their first miscarriage.  Beckett had been so worried that if she stopped her job she would stop being an inspiration to him. Just like then, Castle would show her that it wasn’t her badge that inspired him. It was just simply her. “Has it been worth it? Your life as a cop?”

   “Yes,” Beckett answered without hesitation. “It’s brought some bad, but it’s brought a lot of good. It brought me you. It’s brought me our family.”

   Castle smiled, took her hand, and brushed his lips over her knuckles, “Yes it did.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o00o

    Castle didn’t want to leave his wife side. There was this underlining fear that if he left for too long her condition would take a turn for the worst. The doctors had assured him a thousand times that Beckett was stabilized and on the road to recovery. Still, it took the urging of his four year old and Jim’s promise to stay with Beckett to leave her side and go to the loft for a much-needed shower. Plus it wouldn’t hurt either to get a good night sleep in a nice bed instead of trying to sleep in the uncomfortable hospital chair.

   “Daddy,” Nate spoke with his head on his father’s shoulder outside the door loft.

   “Yes, buddy?” Castle let them inside.

   Nate was playing with the necklace around the neck that held his mother’s wedding rings. Letting him safeguard them had been her bribe to get him to go home.“Can Drake and I sleep with you tonight?”

   No doubt this was going to be a nightly request until Beckett was released from the hospital. “I don’t see why not. But let’s get some food in our bellies.”

   “Good thing I got dinner all ready,” Martha spoke from the kitchen where she was busy behind the stove.

   The site was a shock. Castle knew cooking wasn’t his mother’s strong suit. “I see you haven’t burned down the house.”

   Martha smiled at her son’s attempt at humor. “Not yet.”

   Castle set Nate on his feet, “Why don’t you go upstairs and go wash up.”

   “Okay.”

   Martha waited until her grandson was up the stairs, “So?” She had wanted to ask about the baby when he came to get Nate out of the waiting room.

   “The baby is okay.” A smile crossed his tired face. “We heard its heartbeat and it’s strong. The doctors believe that the risk of miscarriage, for now, is minimal. Beckett thinks it’s going to be a girl.”

   “Well, a mother does know.” Martha ushered Castle to sit down because he looked like he was dead on his feet. “Have you told Nathan?”

   Castle rubber the growth on his chin, “I think we are going to wait and see.” There was still that small chance that Beckett wouldn’t make it past that delicate stage of the first trimester. “We don’t want to get his hopes up.”

   “You know what he really wanted for Christmas. Before all this-.” Martha waved her hand, “happened. It was a baby sister.”

   He looked around the loft and his smile faded. It wasn’t decked out in Christmas cheer. The case had taken up all of the family’s focus that they barely decorated the tree.  A sad Castle Christmas compared to years past. But that was going to change. The loft was going to be overflowing with decorations to greet Beckett when she returned home.

   “Ready for dinner.” Nate cheerfully greeted.

   “How would you like to decorate the house?”

   Nate tilted his head like he always did when he was confused, “Chr’mas is over with.”

   “Remember we’re going to have our big Christmas when Mommy and Jeremy are out of the hospital.”

   “Let’s do it!”

   “After dinner,” Martha stated.

   Close to eleven at night, the house was decked out with every piece of Christmas decoration they owned. Even the train that Nate loved so much was puffing around the tree letting out a cheerful blow of its whistle every few minutes. Nate was finishing with the last of the tree ornaments that he insisted on doing himself because they were ones that they made together the Christmas before. Of course Drake the dragon was sitting right next to him. Nate claimed that the dragon was helping him choose the best spot for the last ornaments

   After hanging his homemade dragon on the tree, the four-year-old scooted back to take in his handy work. “There.”

   “Looks good bud. I’m sure Mommy is going to love this.” Castle scooped his son into his arms. “Ready for bed?”

   “Will you read us a story?”

   “Of course.”

   Nate hugged Drake tightly against his chest, “Two?”

   “Sure.” He started towards his bedroom. “But no more than that.”

   By the time Nate nodded off to sleep, Castle had read four stories. It seemed that Nate could charm him into anything. Placing the last book aside, Castle covered his son with a blanket. Seeing his bruised face made his heart catch. He had come so close to losing his entire family in the span of a day. The sound of crunching metal was something that was going to be in his dreams for the foreseeable future. Grey was dead and all was well with their family. Hopefully, it would stay that way. Lying down beside his son, Castle gathered him close and prayed it would.  

0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o

    Nate sat on the end of his mother’s hospital bed concentrating hard on his coloring book. He was doing his best to stay in the line so he could make the best picture for his mother. In the three days since she awoke he had filled her wall with colorful pictures and drawings. Jeremy’s room downstairs was in similar condition.

   Beckett watched him with a smile as Castle read to them both. Today it was Percy Jackson. Beckett found the rise and fall of the writer’s voice as he told the story of Percy and friends with great enthusiasm comforting. Nate had requested _Sea of Monsters_ since they finished the _Lightning Thief_ some time ago.

   “Mommy?” Nate stopped and looked up from his coloring book. They had taken off the gauze from her face showing her swollen and discolored cheek. The site of her swollen shut eye had Nate shivering every time he looked at it. “If you could be a Greek god, who one would you be?”

   Curious about the answer, Castle stopped reading.

   “I would say wither Athena or Artemis,” Beckett replied after a thought. Maybe Athena, after all, she was the Goddess of wisdom and strategy. Both things that influenced both her career and home life. Artemis was on the list because Beckett liked archery.

   “It fits,” Castle concluded.

   “What about you Daddy?”

   “Hmm.” Castle rubbed the beard growing on his face. “Being able to fly and move really fast like Hermes would be cool, but I think I would be a muse, not a God. They inspire people in many ways including literature. Not to mention they’re supposed to be quite good looking.”

   Nate giggled at the way his father wiggled his eyes brows at the last statement. “I would want to be a demigod like Percy.”

   “Why is that?” Beckett wondered.

   “They have more comp-comp.” Nate concentrated hard before trying the word again. “Com-asion.”  He smiled pleased with himself. “They help people and protect them like Mommy. You take down monsters just like Percy and Annabeth! They’re heroes just like you’re my hero.”

   Tears welled up in her eye, “Come here.”

   Careful of her leg, Nate climbed up the bed and snuggled against her side. “I love you.”

   “Love you to monkey.” Beckett kissed the top of his head. “You got a way with words there Nathan.”

   The boy grinned, “Learned that from Daddy.”

   A glow of fatherly pride crossed Castle’s face, “You will have much to learn, young padawan.”

   “Don’t make me laugh.” Beckett winced at the pain radiating through her ribs.

   “Mommy.” Once again, Nate looked up with a face full of curiosity. “Am I going to be a big brother?”

   Beckett froze. They had agreed not to say anything to him or anyone outside their immediate family until she was further along. “Did someone say that?”

   Nate looked down, “I overheard Grams talking to Grandpop about a baby. I don’t think I was s’pose to hear cuz they stopped talking when they saw me.”

   Beckett looked to Castle who just shrugged in an ‘it’s up to you’ gesture. She really wanted to wait. Nate had been too young to know about her last miscarriage, but he was at that age now where he could process her pregnancy and know if something went wrong. However, after the roller coaster they have been on the last three or so weeks the happy news was something they all needed. “How do you feel about being a big brother?”

   Nate’s blue eyes went wide, “Will it be a sister?”

   “We won’t know for a while.” Castle explained.

   “I hope it’s a sister.” Nate bounced a little on the bed. “I like having Lexie as a sister.”

   Beckett sunk her teeth into her lip to keep herself from laughing. Nate would have a change of heart about a sibling at least a hundred times if not more by the time he was ten. “Your grandparents.” Who she needed to talk to about keeping secrets. “Were right. I’m going to have a baby.”

   Another question seemed to settle in the four-year-old’s mind as he cocked his head to the side. This time it was directed at his father taking him by surprise when he reached for his coffee. “Where do babies come from?”

   The writer froze with the cup halfway to his mouth. The dreaded question. He was sure he had a few more years before having to tackle it. Alexis was eight when the particular subject was breached. He glanced at Beckett and back to Nate with a confused look on his face. “I have no idea.” He confessed and proceeded to take a sip of his coffee.

   Beckett rolled her eyes on a big sigh. She was secretly grateful that her son chose him instead of her. Castle had practice after all. But they had to tell him something because Nate would never accept that answer. “Rick,” Beckett whispered with that tone of voice that sounded like disapproval but had a bit of playfulness only her husband could detect.

   “Right.” Huffing, Castle put down his coffee. “Well, son let me tell you about the stork.”

   Beckett broke into a fit of laughter. The pain was well worth it.


	17. 1 PM Homecoming

   “Mommy look!” Nate rushed into the hospital room waving his blue cast bound wrist in the air almost proudly. “Me and Germ-y match you!”

   Beckett smiled grateful for the little amount of pain, “come here and let me see.” She beckoned since it was too far to see her son clearly. The swelling in her face had gone down considerably over the last few days so she could finally open her eye. Thankfully she hadn’t lost the site. Now it was just time to see if the blurriness went away as she healed further.

   Nate carefully climbed up onto the edge of the bed on his mother’s good side. He offered his wrist, “see.”

   “Does it hurt?” she softly asked.

   “Nah.” Nate wiggled his fingers to prove it. He pulled out a marker from his pocket, “will you sign it? See Germ-y did, he even drew me a rabbit!”

   Sure enough on his small cast, Jeremy had drawn a rabbit with what looked like a knight holding a holy hand grenade. “Of course I’ll sign it.” Though it took a great deal and effort, she took the marker in her injured right hand before writing mom in big letters followed by a sloppy heart. “There. Now, where is your dad?”

   “Right here.”

   Beckett turned to see blurry visions of her husband and future son-in-law standing in the threshold of the door. It was great to see Jeremy up and about. There was a bit of color in his face now after being released two days prior. It also looked like was taking a lesson from Castle in the grooming department as there was a good amount of scruff on his face.

   Jeremy gave her a smile, “heard you’re busting out of here today.”

   “So the doctor says. How are you feeling?”

   “I’m okay.” He assured.

   Beckett knew he was downplaying his pain. He was favoring one side of his body and his movements were stiff as he walked into the room behind Castle. “Hey, Nate.” She ran her good hand over his thick mane of hair, “mind if you go with your dad for a moment so I can talk to Jeremy?”

   “Sure mommy.”

   “Come on squirt.” Castle caught his son by the waist and hoisted him up into his arms.

   Jeremy took a seat next to the hospital bed once they were gone, “how do you feel?”

   “I’m ready to go home,” Beckett confessed. “Four days in this place is enough for me.” She wasn’t looking for the limitations that awaited her upon her returning home. Beckett prided herself on being independent and always fought it when she had to rely on the help of others. Even Castle’s.  Her stubbornness was a hard thing to shake.

   “I’m sure you are.”

   “I want to thank you.” Beckett started.

   Only Jeremy didn’t let her get any further, “don’t thank me, Kate.”

   “You risked your life for both me and my son.” Beckett kept going as if she didn’t hear him.

   “You risked your life to let Alexis escape.” Jeremy pointed out not wanting to accept the gratitude. “It’s what we do for those we love.”

  Beckett reached to take his hand, “There is nothing I can do to ever repay you for what you did. You took another life when you barely recovered from taking your first one.”

   “Grey was a monster.” The killing still wasn’t easy for him, but it was a choice he made. It was either Grey or him and if h hadn’t pulled the trigger then Jeremy all but signed Nate and Beckett’s death certificates. “If he wasn’t stopped he would have killed more to get what he wanted.”

   “I know it wasn’t easy.”

   “Taking a life is never easy.” Even one of a monster. He gingerly touched the gauze pad on his forehead, “we will all have our scars from this so we will all have to rely on one another to get through it.”

   “You’re a great man. Alexis is lucky to have you.”

   The corner of his mouth lifted, “I think we’re lucky to have each other.”

   She lifted her gaze to lock on the Castle’s who stood just outside the room leaning against the wall. Yes, they were all lucky to have someone that loves them with all their heart. Beckett looked back to the younger man, “I think you’re right.”

   In the hallway, Castle’s attention shifted when he heard someone approaching calling his name. He was shocked to see Austin in the arms of who Castle guessed was his adoptive father while a woman walked towards him. He hugged Nate to his side, “Can I help you?”

   “Are you Richard Castle?” the blonde-haired woman asked.

   “I am.” He was stunned into silence when the woman rose on her toes and planted a kiss on his lips. Feeling his face burning, he shifted his weight from foot to foot all too well aware of his wife’s gaze burning into him. “I umm.”

   “I’m Zoe Xanders.” She introduced, “Austin’s mother.”

   “Oh.” The writer still didn’t know what to say.

   “Terry Mason called me about the whole situation. Is it true?” Zoe asked looking into the hospital woman at the injured people inside. “Is Grey dead?”

   “Yes,” Jeremy answered with mixed emotions.

   “You must be Kate.” Zoe led the two males into the room as she moved to stand by the cop’s bedside. She almost missed a step at the condition of the lieutenant, “I went to the station once I saw it on the news. Your captain filled me on what little that she could. He wanted Austin.”

   “That wasn’t going to happen,” Beckett replied.

   “He killed Beth and kidnapped you and your daughter.” Zoe started fighting the tears gathering in her eyes, “and you never gave the monster a thing. You protected my son.” Her gaze swept to all the occupants of the room, “you all nearly died and you still wouldn’t’ give him up.”

   Beckett looked to her son who was now in the comfort of his father’s arms. As a mother, she would hope that if someone else was in her position that they would have chosen the same path.  “there was no way I was going to let that monster get his hands on him.”

   The tears leaked out of the corner of Zoe’s eyes, “and I will never have to lay awake at night fearing that he might come for Austin thanks to you all. I don’t know how I can ever repay you.”

   “There is nothing to repay,” Castle assured rubbing a hand over Nate’s back.

   “Grant. Austin.” Zoe called her husband and son into the room.

   Grant picked up his son and gave them a look of pure admiration, “I don’t know what to say to you other than thank you.” He looked to the boy in his arms. The six-year-old had hidden his face shyly into his shoulder. “Austin I want you to meet some very special people.”

   Nate leaned over until he could see Austin’s face, “Hi!” He cheerfully greeted, “My name is Nathan Castle.”

   The six-year-old lifted his head, “I’m Austin Xanders. How old are you?”

   “Four.”

   “I’m six.” Austin’s gaze dropped to Nate’s wrist, “what happened?”

   Nate cradled it against his chest, “A bad man tried to hurt me.”

   Austin tilted his head, “does it hurt?”

   “No.”

   Castle knew that his son was lying so he could appear to be brave to the older boy.

   “Is your mommy hurt too?” Austin asked looking towards the bed.

   “Uh huh.” Nate replied, “But she’s okay now. That’s Germ-y. He’s going to marry my sister Lex.”

   Since he knew that two children’s conversation could go on for a while, Castle shifted his son’s weight into his other arm. “Why don’t you ask Austin’s dad if they would like to join us for some lunch in the cafeteria?”

   “Can germ-y come too?” The four-year-old asked.

   Zoe smiled as the group left, “your family is beautiful Kate.”

   “Thank you. Yours is too.  I’m glad I could bring you the comfort of knowing that Grey will never interrupt your son’s life. He’ll never have to know of the monster.”

   “Thanks to you.”

   An hour later Alexis and Jim showed up with Castle who was pushing a wheelchair into Beckett’s hospital room. Nate sat in the chair grinning, “ready to go home, mommy?”

   “God yes,” Beckett confessed causing the room to laugh. It wasn’t a secret that she hated hospitals. “I miss my bed.”

   “We’ll give you some privacy so you can change.” Jim leaned over to gently kiss his daughter’s crown. “Then we’ll get you home.”

   “Please tell me that there aren’t a bunch of people waiting for me.” It wasn’t like Piper didn’t want to see the boys and their families. She just wanted a day or two with just her family to settle in and rest.

   “No,” Castle assured once the family closed the door behind their exit. He dropped the bag he was carrying carefully on the foot of the bed. “I figured we’d wait on that. Mother is attempting to cook a very nice welcome home dinner. Think you can manage that?”

   Martha cooking. Beckett was a bit terrified just what kind of dinner awaited them. Regardless, she was touched that Martha was going through the trouble in the first place. No matter how much she longed for her comfy bed, Beckett would find the energy to sit through the dinner. Even if would most likely be one of the worst things she tasted. “I think I can.”

   Castle withdrew one of his shirts and a pair of his wife’s running shorts. He had tried to pick clothes that would cause less pain. He knew that the process of putting them on was going to cause a lot of it. “You ready?”

   “No.”

   Smiling, he leaned over her, “come on.” He waited until she wrapped her arms around his neck before moving to help her sit up. Castle stopped several times when Beckett gasped in pain. The doctor had been moving her several times a day to reduce the risk of blood clots and to help the stiffness of her body. “Easy.”

   “You say that like it’s an easy thing.” Beckett was gripping on to her husband for dear life. The pain was pulsing through her body leaving her panting and fighting tears. After taking a bullet to the chest, she would have thought that she couldn’t feel any greater pain than that. Boy was she wrong. Her whole body ached. Even breathing at this point sent sharp daggers in every direction until it routed through her body and came back to the starting point. “Give me a second.”

   “I’m not going anywhere.” While he waited for her to catch her breath, Castle worked on the knot of her hospital gown. He peeled the fabric from her shoulder and bit back the angry that rose at seeing the deep purple bruising going down her spine. The discoloring spread down, crossing over her hips, and over her shoulder blades. Castle knew that his wife’s abdomen wasn’t in any better condition. Castle was secretly glad that Beckett hadn’t been able to see the full extent of the damage to her body. He gently skimmed his lips over her shoulder, “I wish I could kill him.”

   Beckett ran her fingers in a soothing gesture up and down the back of his neck. “No, you don’t.” Castle had taken a life that night Tyson held her at gunpoint on that bridge. That was several years ago and it still haunted him. Beckett had woken on more than one occasion to her husband thrashing in his sleep with the monster’s name on his lip. “You don’t need to carry that weight around for the rest of your life.” She never wanted him to lose his joyous and sometimes childish way about him.

   “He nearly took my family from me. If I had lost-.” He choked on the emotions bubbling up in his throat.  Castle shook his head, “let’s get you dressed.”

   She pulled away and placed his good hand on his stubbly cheek, “it’s finally over.” Maybe life would stop throwing chaos and pain at them. The man responsible for her mother’s murder was behind bars and the man who had plagued her family was dead. For now, there was nothing left to worry about except putting this whole thing behind them.

   Castle wasn’t sure he would be doing that any time soon. Not when there were bruises in the form of handprints branded on her arms and breast. “Here…” Trying to distract himself, he grabbed the t-shirt. “Let’s get you home.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   “Kate.” Castle knocked on the bathroom door since Beckett had locked it behind her. She had disappeared from the welcome home dinner over fifteen minutes ago making him panic. “Are you okay, Kate?” He pressed his ear against the wood and strained to hear the noise from the other side. After a moment the sound of muffled sobs reached his ear. Castle tried the handle and just like the four times before it was locked. “Damn it.”

   It took a few minutes before the writer returned to the door with his wife’s lock pick set. “Kate.” Pushing the door open, he found the woman in question sitting on the edge of the tub, naked from the waist up, and sobbing into her hands. In that instant, his heart shattered into a million pieces. “Baby.”

   “No don’t.” Bracing her good hand against the porcelain, Beckett held out her casted arm to keep him at bay. Being touched was the last thing she wanted. She was barely holding herself together as it was. How could he stand to look at her? One look in the mirror and she was disgusted. “Go away.”

   “Never.” Castle dropped to his knees wondering where on earth her shirt had gone to. The deep bruising on the right side of her body was exposed alerting Beckett for the first time to the condition of her body. Seeing her so frail and broken, Castle realized for the first time how much weight she had lost due to the stress of the past few weeks. It made him fear the ability of her body to care the life inside to full term “Kate let’s get you back into the wheelchair.”

   If her brain could get the message to her good leg, Beckett would have kicked the damn thing across the room. She hated it. She hated the pain. She hated being such an invalid. She had things to do. A kid to raise and a husband to love. Having to rely on someone to help her get out of a damn chair to get into bed or sit at the damn dinner table. “How can you look at me?”

   As gently as he could, Castle laid his hand on her good cheek. Her other cheek was a multitude of hues that was a far cry from the color of healthy skin.  This skin was branded with purple splotches surrounded by blue and grayish skin. Along her cheekbone was the worst. The swelling was nothing like the first few days, but it was still puffy and the red blotching ran along the bone.  The small incision the doctors made during surgery to set the bone was closed together by stitches. He knew it would scar. Just another one to add to her collection. “Because I love you.” He placed a feather light kiss on her eye, then her incision, and finally to the faded scar on her neck left by Grey seven years before. “And a bunch of bruises and scars will never change that.”

   “Look at me.”

   “I am, baby.” Castle assured, “I still see the same beautiful woman who showed up at my book signing flashing her badge at me. These will heal.”

   Beckett pressed her face into his neck, “I hate feeling so useless.”

   “I know honey.” Castle wished he had the ability to take her pain away. “You having to rely on someone doesn’t make you weak. Even the strongest have to lean from time to time.”

   He was right. Much to Beckett’s frustration, He always was when it came to these types of things. “I’m sorry.” She swiped a hand under her nose, “I guess I needed a bit of a pity party.”

   “Don’t apologize for that. Are you ready for bed?”

   “No. I need…” Beckett lifted her head and took a moment to keep her voice steady. She needed to get clean, to scrub away the past few weeks. She needed to put it behind her. “I really want a bath but this damn thing.”

   Castle glanced at the extended casted leg and knew that was impossible. A shower was also out of the question because by the looks of it she was ready to pass out. “Hang on a second.” He disappeared for a few minutes and came back with a towel and washcloth. “How about a sponge bath?”

   After much struggle, a smile slowly broke out across her face. “I’d like that.”

   Castle turned on the water in the tub and waited until it was a warm temperature before running the washcloth under it. After lathering it in soap, he took her hand and started there before slowly moving up. Castle took his time, making sure that he got ever ink of her skin.

   Beckett closed her eyes soaking up the gentleness of his touch. He was almost lazy about soaping her up and was careful whenever he came across a bruise or wound. Each time he did, Castle would brush his lips over them causing warmth to fill her stomach. How could she think that anything could stop this man from loving her? In the last seven years, he showed he loved her no matter what her condition or state of mind. Even after she lost the babies, he never stopped. She felt his love in every smile, every touch, and every time he looked at her. After all their time together, Beckett was so sure that the fire he ignited in her with every touch would start to diminish. It never did. Even now, with his fingers gliding over the skin of her neck, she felt the heat of desire twisting inside her. “This far more enjoyable than the ones at the hospital.”

   The writer chuckled as he moved down her chest, “I would certainly hope so.”

   A silence fell between them for a few minutes before Beckett spoke again, “are you okay?”

  His brow furrowed at the question, “am I okay?”

   “It accord to me that I never asked.” Beckett explained, “I can’t imagine what you’ve been through the last week or so. The terror you must have felt getting the phone call about Nate, about Alexis and I. You’ve been so strong for everyone because you feel the need to be the rock for everyone. I don’t think people stopped to realize that you’ve been hurting too.”

   Castle lapsed into silence as he finished cleaning his wife’s body. In truth, he didn’t know if he was okay. He never allowed himself to stop to even think about it. If he had then he knew he would have fallen apart and be no good for those who needed him. Was he okay? He nearly lost his entire family in a span of a day, including the life his wife carried. Castle could recall only feeling such terror a handful of times in his life. Losing just one would have ruined his life. Sighing, he carefully slipped the shirt over her head. “I’m not.” He confessed fighting tears, “I’ve never been so scared in my life. Your lives were hanging in the balance and I couldn’t do a damn thing. All I could do was track down leads and it wasn’t enough.”

   “You never gave up or lost faith.”

   “If I had lost one of you-.”

   She shushed him with a soft kiss. Once again, Beckett refused him to even speak the fear aloud, “you didn’t. It’s over.”

   Castle laid his head on her lap and allowed her to comfort him by running her fingers through his hair. “Do you think it will be a girl?” He asked the question in need to change the subject and feel something but misery and pain.

   “Nathan seems to think so. I don’t care what it is, as long as he or she is healthy and has your sense of humor.”

   “And your drive,” Castle added. “Maybe only half of your stubbornness. If it’s a girl I don’t think I can handle the stress of two Beckett women having the stubbornness of a mule.”

   Laughing at the thought, Beckett rested her hand on the back of her husband’s neck, “Maybe she would just skip that trait altogether.”

   “I want her to have your eyes.” He always loved the color of her eyes. He loved the way that there was a glow of gold flecks mixed in beautiful with the hazel. “No man would be able to resist them. I sure in the hell couldn’t.” His words sank in and Castle shook his head, “on second thought that would be a terrible idea. I would have to beat men away with a stick and lock her in her room.”

   “If she is anything like me we are going to have our work cut out for us.”

   From the stories that he heard from Jim, Castle had no doubt about that. “Come on.” He stood and gently lifted her up into his arms, “let’s get you to bed.”

   “Will you bring Nate so I can say goodnight to him.”

   Twenty minutes later, their son was snuggled in between the two of them. Both mother and son were listening intently while Castle read aloud. They both were struggling to stay awake having been lulled to sleep by the sound of the writer’s voice. Castle would have read until he lost his voice if it meant that this moment could last forever. These were the family moment he etched in his brain so he would never forget. It was moments like this that helped chase away the darkness of life.

   Hearing a click of a camera, Castle looked up to see his daughter standing in the doorway with a smile. “Hey, when did you get here?”

   “Just a little while ago. Jeremy was with his mother so I figured I’d see how Kate was settling in.” Alexis knew by the quick flash of emotion on his father’s face that it hadn’t been a particularly easy night.

   “Lex?” Beckett stirred from her light slumber.

   Alexis moved further into the room, “Hey Kate. How are you feeling?”

   “Better now.” She waved her good arm, “Come on.”

   The bed was big, but Alexis doubted it was big enough for the three adults and a four-year-old. Being in her mid-twenties the idea of snuggling in bed with her family should seem ridiculous. She found herself crawling into the space beside her father and pillowed her head on his shoulder. Once settled in he continued reading and for the first time in seven years felt completely safe.

  


	18. 11 AM Gifts

   “May I?” Beckett softly asked sitting up with the help of her husband.

   “Of course.” Smiling, Jenny crossed the room with Grace in her arms.

   It took some painful maneuvering, but eventually, Beckett was able to shift the newborn from Jenny’s embrace and into hers.  The moment Grace opened her eyes to look up, Beckett’s throat became clogged with emotions. The desperate want to have another child hit her like a hammer. She always told herself that it didn’t matter. That she should just be lucky to have such a beautiful son and wonderful stepdaughter. Then Beckett had always kept in mind that if they couldn’t have another child there were plenty of children in need of a good home. But no matter how hard she tried to convince herself of all these things, the want to have another child that was made out of her and her husband’s love, was always nagging her. “She’s beautiful.”

   Castle saw the tears gathering in his wife’s arms and his heart ached with that same want. Though they got their wish for another child, he knew that the life that grew in Beckett was a fragile one. After three miscarriages he had conditioned himself not to get attached. It was a horrible way of thinking. It was just the only way to save himself the heart-wrenching pain of losing a child. Looking at the way his wife gazed down at Grace with such emotions, Castle prayed that they wouldn’t lose this one. Because despite that she said they would get through it no matter what he knew that a part of her would die that she could never get back. “Yeah.” He slipped an arm carefully around her shoulders to get a better look at the baby. The writer titled his head, “kinda looks like Esposito, doesn’t she?”

   Beckett smiled trying to get a better look at the baby girl in her arms with her good eye. The blurriness in her right eye was still bad that it made it hard to see. “I think you’re right.”

   “Really?” Ryan glared at the man, “that was something I would expect to come out of him.” He jerked his thumb in his partner’s direction. “Not you.”

   “Someday soon I’m going to have a baby sister too,” Nate told Aidan and Patrick. The trio of boys sat cross-legged in front of the Christmas tree waiting patiently until they were granted permission to open the presents underneath.

   Beckett prayed that would come to pass. Nate was old enough to understand if something was to happen. “It could be a brother.” She reminded handing Grace back to her mother.

   “God help you if that is true.” Lanie smiled, “two miniature Castle’s is one too many for the world to handle.”

   After a quick knock of warning, Alexis shouldered her way into the loft with an arm full of presents and with Jeremy trailing close behind. “Hope we didn’t miss too much.”

   “Not at all.” Beckett leaned her head back to look at the duo, “Did your mother get off okay?”

   “Yes.” Alexis assured, “she once again wanted me to tell you how sorry she was that she couldn’t stay.”

   “Your mother has a life that she has to get back to.” Castle stood to help unload the presents. “I hope you didn’t go to broke buying these.”

   “It’s okay.” A smile crossed the red head’s face, “I used your credit card anyways.”

   “Now that everyone is here.” Esposito looked to his wife as if seeking permission and stood when it was granted. “We have a little present of our own.” He smiled, “we’re having a baby.”

   The women in the room let out an ear-piercing squeal at the news while the men stood to shake Esposito’s hand. Since two of the three of the women of the room couldn’t stand, Lanie moved to receive bone crushing hugs. She was careful when it came to Beckett. “He told you didn’t he?” She softly asked.

   Beckett did her best to school her features, “no.”

   “You’re such a horrible liar Kate Beckett.” Lanie sat next to the injured lieutenant.

   “In your husband’s defense, it was more of a slip of the tongue.” Beckett explained, “I was just smart enough to catch it.  Why didn’t you tell me yourself?”

   Lanie shifted a bit comfortable, “I didn’t want to upset you.”

   Beckett’s brow furrowed, “upset me?”

   “Kate I knew how much you wanted another baby. How hard the two of you tried.”

   Beckett squeezed Lanie’s hand, “I would have been happy like I am now. You’re going to be a wonderful mother and Javi is going to be a great dad.”

   “We want you to be its godmother.”

   Tears gathered in the corner of her eyes, “I would be honored to.”

   “Okay now.” Jeremy sat next to the trio of kids with a gift for each of them. “I think it’s time to open some presents. Here you go, little man.”

   Nate took the offered gift and looked to his mother, “can I?”

   “Go for it.”

   The four-year-old carefully unwrapped the gift along with his two friends and smiled as the paper fell away.  “No way!”

   “No.” Castle groaned nearly face palming himself.

   “God no, Jeremy,” Beckett added to her husband’s dismay. “You didn’t.”

   All three boys grinned at their parents as they put on their newly acquired fezzes and bow ties.

   Castle glared at Beckett, “your fault.” He reminded.

     Sometime later Beckett watched from her comfy position on the couch watching her son sleep amongst the discarded wrapping paper and presents. The four-year-old was still wearing his bowtie and his nearly acquired lightsaber in his small hand.  It seemed that all the excitement had been too much to him. He didn’t even last until dinner. Smiling, she pillowed her head in its favorite spot on her husband’s shoulder. “It was a nice day.” Beckett herself was fighting the urge to fall asleep. The activity of the day had her body rebelling against her.

   “Yeah.” Castle rested his cheek against the top of her head. The noise in the kitchen was a nice change of pace from the last few weeks. Everyone had been so wrapped up in the case and dealing with their personal demons that their normal get-togethers had ceased.

   She laid her hand on his chest, “even if I do want to kill our future son in law.” Her heart melted at feeling the vibration of his full-hearted laughter. God, she had missed that. There hadn’t been much of that sweet music lately. Grey had taken that away. “We will be lucky if we can get that damn fez off his head before he starts kindergarten.”

   After a long time that was filled with conversations coming from the kitchen, Castle squeezed her hand, “have I ever thanked you.”

   She lifted her head to look up into his blue eyes. They were full of admiration and unfathomed love and it was all aimed at her. One look could still take her breath away. She prayed that never went away, “thank me for what?”

   The writer brushed a stray lock of her hair off her face and tucked it behind her ear. His fingers trailed lazily up her neck until he cupped the good side of her face. The swelling was almost gone now so he could see clearly into her hazel eyes. “For my children.”

   A dagger shot through her heart, “children…” Her gaze flickered to their son and then she placed her hand on her flat stomach.

   Castle laid his hand over hers, “all of them.”

   Beckett sucked in a breath. They rarely talked about their miscarriages. Well, she didn’t because it was far too painful to think about and Castle didn’t out of respect for that. How could he thank her for the lives that she lost? The pain of just thinking about them was just too unbearable. “Rick.”

   “Listen to me.” He gently grasped her chin-stroking the soft skin with his thumb, “having children was something you struggled with, even if you think you hid the fact from me. But you loved me enough to put that fear aside to carry our child. Then we lost it and it hurt like hell but we tried it again even though you knew the risks. We created those children out of love and just because we lost them doesn’t mean they weren’t ours. So thank you, Kate Beckett, for loving me enough to give me such great gifts.”

   Overwhelmed with emotions, Beckett pressed her lips to his trying to put every ounce of love she felt for him in that single action. Every day she wondered what she did in life to deserve such a wonderful man. “I love you.”

   He rested his brow against hers, “I love you too.”

   “Break it up.” Alexis’s voice jerked them apart causing her stepmother to grimace in pain. “Sorry.”

   “It’s okay.” Castle gave his wife one more kiss and pushed to his feet, “I think its time I help with the kitchen.”

   Alexis took the seat her father vacated, “you okay?”

   Beckett swiped at the tear on her cheek, “yeah.”

   “Are you in pain? Can I get you a painkiller?”

   “No.” Beckett assured, “I hate those things.”

   “And we hate seeing you in pain.” Alexis pointed out, “Plus you look like you can barely stay awake at it is.”

   “How is Jeremy doing?” Beckett asked hoping to distract her stepdaughter.  

   It worked. Alexis glanced back at the man in question who was talking intently to Patrick and Aidan. As if sensing her gaze, he turned to look at her and gave her a blinding smile that melted her heart. “Better. He’s still got a rough road ahead, but I think together we can handle it.” She turned her attention back to Beckett, “I think therapy is helping. He’s going to go back to modified duty once he gets cleared.”

   “You help too, you know.” Beckett pointed out. “When I was recovering after my shooting it was your father who helped me the most. He was always there to support me without even saying a word.”

   Alexis played with the ring on her finger, “we’ll get through it.”

   “How are you holding up?” Most of the cuts and bruises had faded by now and just because they didn’t scar physically didn’t mean that they didn’t scar Alexis mentally.

   “I feel like a part of me has come alive knowing that I no longer have to look over my shoulder wondering if he is there. I think it will still be some time yet before I stop looking. It just-.” Alexis took a deep breath, “can’t shake the guilt that I left you.”

   “Don’t be.” Beckett told her for the hundredth time, “If Grey got his hands on you-.”

   “I know what could have happened.” Alexis assured, “that’s why I feel guilty because he hated you more then he hated me. I knew what he was going to do to you and you did too, but you still helped me escape.”

   Beckett took Alexis’s hand, “when you become a mother, that moment you hold that child in your arms, you will feel this great need to do whatever is in your power to keep it safe. That feeling never goes away no matter how old the child gets.”

   “In case you didn’t know, you’re a great mom.”

   “I try. So how much has your mother planned your wedding?”

   “Not too much thank god.” Alexis answered on a laugh, “She’s going to be back in a month once everything is settled and come back to help plan. I figured the three of us can do it.”

   “You just need me to be a mediator.” Beckett grinned.

   “Well, there is that.” Alexis admitted, “But I would like both of my mother’s involved.”

   “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

   “What about Emily?” Castle suggested running his fingertips over his wife’s swollen stomach. She shifted under his touch causing the paper covering of the examining table crinkle in protest.

   Beckett wrinkled her nose, “No.” This had been a common game over the past four months. So far that hadn’t been able to agree on a name, but it was fun to indulge in. They were getting serious now that they fragile period of her pregnancy. In the first two months, she had lost two of the babies while she lost the last one at five months. They had lost the last baby at the five month mark. That one had been the most heartbreaking because they had thought they were in the clear and started really planning. The day she went into premature labor and lost their daughter nearly destroyed her. “How about Celia?”

   “To Italian.” Castle retorted continuing running his fingers over her body.  He mindless wondered when the doctor would return as he gazed up at Beckett. Thankfully her body had healed well over the past four months. The new scars that branded her body bothered her and he did his best to show her that they didn’t bother him one bit. “What about River?”

   “Don’t you think having one child obsessed with Doctor Who is enough for our family?” Beckett placed her hand over his joining its journey over her body. It was like a jolt of electricity coursing through her body at the contact. They hadn’t made love in over three months with the exception of the onetime shortly after she returned to work with a clean bill of health. They didn’t want to add any risk that might cause them to lose the baby.  The doctors had assured them on countless occasions that sex was okay, but to them, they didn’t want to chance it. So it made every simple touch more arousing then it was meant to be. And with her, ever-changing hormones made it incredibly hard for her to keep her hands off him. “What about Lilly?”

   “What about Emma.” The suggestion left his mouth before he could stop them. He saw the pain flash across her face before she could mask it, “Kate I’m sorry.” How could he be so stupid and neglectful? Emma was the name they gave their stillborn after Kate’s grandmother. “I just-I’m sorry.”

   “No, that name belongs to her.” Beckett flicked the lone tear from her eye, “I won’t take that away from her.” It was the same reason why she had rejected naming their child after her mother. She didn’t want another person to bear the legacy of the name. She wanted their child to have their own identity and not compete with someone that was gone.

   Castle turned his hand to link fingers with his wife, “how about Claire?”

   “Why are you suggesting nothing but girl names?” Beckett asked gratefully that they did not dwell on the subject of Emma.

   A grin flashed broke out across his face, “maybe I’m just hoping for a little girl.”

   “Well let’s see if we can get you that Mr. Castle.” Their Obstetrician entered the room with a bright smile. Tara was in her mid-sixties with black hair with gray streaks running from root to tip. She had been through every pregnancy with them and wished to find nothing but good news for them today. “I see that Nate is growing like a string bean. I think he’s driving his sister a little crazy in the waiting room.”

   “He’s just as anxious as his father to see if it’s a girl,” Beckett explained while Tara lifted up the gown to expose her swollen belly.

   “Any pain or cramping?” Tara asked as she readied the ultrasound.

   “No.”

   “No spotting right?”

   “No.”

   “All right then.” Tara smiled as she applied the gel to Beckett’s stomach before taking hold of the wand of the machine. “Let’s see if we can make daddy and son happy, shall we.”

   In all honesty, Castle didn’t care what the sex as long as it was strong and healthy. He felt Beckett tighten her hand around his as the first grainy image of the child appeared on the screen. It no longer looked like a peanut. The fetus was a good six inches and curled inward with one of its hand positioned over its face. The writer wasn’t looking for any signs of the sex. His attention was on the little black spec in the center of the baby that was moving at a rapid pace. A good strong heartbeat. Seeing it made tears burn the back of his throat.  Looking up he could see that was what Beckett was focusing on as well. “It’s okay.”

   “She.” Tara corrected with a grin as she turned the screen to give them a better look. “She is more than okay. She’s got a good heartbeat and is right on track for how far along you are. Will you like to hear her heartbeat?”

   “Yes please.” Beckett fought the urge to cry. The noise of their baby girl’s heartbeat filled the air and the damn broke.  She turned her head just as husband stood to meet him in a heart-wrenching kiss. Touching a hand to his face, Beckett felt the wetness on his cheek and she pulled away to gaze into his blue eyes. They were overfilling with joy that couldn’t be put into words. At that moment she knew with all her heart that everything was going to be okay.

   Castle brushed a strand of hair from the scar at the end of her eyebrow, “I love you.”

   She trailed her fingers over his swollen lips, “I love you too.”

   “Would you like me to get Alexis and Nate?” Tara offered knowing they needed a moment alone.

   “Please.” Castle managed between his tears. Once the doctor left, he pressed his lips to his wife’s brow, “She’s going to be fine.”

   “Brianna.” Beckett whispered, “how about Brianna.”

   A huge smile lit up his handsome face, “I think it’s perfect.” He bent to kiss Beckett’s belly, “Hello Brianna, I’m your father and I love you very much.”

   Beckett ran her fingers through his thick mane of hair, “she already has you wrapped around her finger.”

   He beamed up at her, “Just like her mother.”

   “Her?” Nate echoed, his voice elevated with excitement. He bounced happily on his toes, “does that mean we have a sister?”

   “Yep,” Beckett replied.

   Nate tilted his head back, “hear that Lexi? We’re going to have a sister.”

   “That’s great news.” Alexis scooped her brother into his arm and carted him across the room. “You want to see her?”

   The four-year-old looked at her with the most perplexed expression, “how? It’s in mommy’s tummy.” He glanced around his sister’s shoulder to check causing the room to laugh. “What’s so funny?”

   “Here look.” Alexis pointed at the screen in hope to ease some of her brother’s confusion, “see that’s our sister.”

   Nate tilted his head, a mannerism he learned from his father, and smiled, “she’s tiny.”

   “That’s because she’s got some time to grow before she is born,” Alexis explained sitting Nate on the edge of the examination table. “Have you two picked a name yet? Or are you still going back and forth through every name in the book.”

   Beckett reached for Castle’s hand, “Brianna.” She informed, “We’re going to name her Brianna.”

   “That’s a pretty name.” Nate smiled, “I like it. But Daddy you said the stork brought the babies to their parents. How’d did it end up in mommy’s belly.”

   Castle coughed as he began to choke on the air in his throat at his son’s sudden question. He looked to Beckett for help and by the smile dancing in her eyes, he knew he was on his own. “Well umm.” Castle struggled to get his voice to work again. “You see the stork, it well, it… Is something that I will explain to you after we get some ice cream?”

   Nate’s face lit up, “Okay.”

   Castle knew that he only bought himself a couple more hours. Sadly, his son never forgot when it came to questions he really wanted the answers to.


	19. 4 AM Birth

   Castel awoke with a start. Groggily, he looked around the darkened room to find the source that had disturbed his slumber. Then he felt it. Something moist and thick soaking into his boxers. Castle jolted up in the bed to throw on a light on and jerk back the comforter. The sheets that Beckett laid on were soaked, but thankfully there was no blood.

   Beckett stirred, jostled by her husband’s movements, and bolted upright once she felt the moisture between her legs. “Rick?”

   “It’s okay.” He placed a soothing hand on her shoulder, “it’s not blood.”

   She slipped a hand to swipe her fingers on the inside of her leg and held it up in the light to check. The sudden pain in her side caused her to double over. “Rick.”

   He was out of bed and kneeling down in front of her, “your water broke.”

   “It’s too soon.” Beckett cried clenching her stomach. “Rick it’s too soon.”

   “Listen to me.” He brushed back the hair from her face, “the doctor told us this might happen. You’re at thirty five weeks, it's okay.”

   “Rick I can’t.” Tears clogged her voice as she lifted her worried gaze to his, “I can’t lose her.”

   “We’re not going to lose her.” It was a struggle for him to keep his voice steady. On the inside fear and panic where running ramped. At thirty five weeks the baby would be premature, but would most likely be okay. He tried not to let his mind wander to the bad possibilities. “I’m going to wake mother and then I’ll be right back, okay. Kate?” Castle placed a finger under her chin and lifted, “it’s going to be okay. We’re not going to lose her.”

   “Hurry,” Beckett whispered between her clenched teeth.

   Castle tore out of the room and was upstairs in a matter of seconds. “Mother.” He knocked to give her warning before he came busting in. The actress was startled awake and he gave her no time to recover. “Kate’s water broke.”

   At the news, Martha was fully awake, “it’s too soon.”

   For a moment he let his face fill with fear, “I know. I’m taking her to the hospital. I will call when I know what’s going on. If Nate wakes up.”

   “I’ll think of something,” Martha assured. “Go.”

   Beckett was still hunched over on the edge of the bed with a hand protectively over her stomach. To Castle, it looked like she was trying to shield the life inside her. He hated how frightened she looked. “I’m going to pick you up okay.”

   “I can walk.”

   “Kate don’t be stubborn about this.” Castle gently slid an arm under her, “you’re in too much pain to walk. Let me do this.”

   Beckett nodded and he lifted her into his arms. After draping on arm around his neck for balance, she buried his face in his throat. Her hand never left her stomach as she willed her life into that of her daughter. They couldn’t lose her. Not when they were so close. “Stay with us.” She whispered as Castle carried her towards the elevator. “Don’t you dare leave us.”

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

    The wait was pure agony. On the ride to the hospital, Beckett’s contractions grew closer and more intense. The admitting nurse told her that there was nothing they could do to stop the labor. Castle watched helplessly as they moved his wife into a hospital bed. The nurses moved about the room frantically trying to ready the machines and IV’s. All Castle wanted to do was sit at his wife’s bedside, hold her hand, and tell her everything was okay. Terror was etched into every inch of her face.

    Beckett placed her hand back to its position on her swollen stomach and nearly sobbed. She wasn’t moving anymore. The last time the baby moved was when Castle was carrying her down the stairs.

   “She’s about eight centimeters dilated.” One of the nurses announced after checking. “Get the monitor on her now and call for the doctor. This baby isn’t going to wait.”

   “Please tell me that she’s okay,” Beckett begged with tears streaming down her face. “I don’t think she’s moving.”

   The words cut Castle at the knees causing him to slam his hand against the wall before his knees hit the ground.

    “No need to panic.” The older nurse tried to sooth while strapping the electrical monitor was meant to monitor the fetus. 

   A few tense moments passed before another contraction hit sending Beckett hunching forward. Castle pushed his way through the nurses and sought her hand. “Breathe.” He coaxed as her hand gripped down on his like a vise. “That’s it, baby. Just breathe.”

   “Rick.” Beckett was pleading with him. For what she wasn’t sure. Maybe to tell her everything was going to be okay. Or to tell her the truth. Either way, Beckett held on to him.

   “We have a heartbeat.” The nurse announced and the tension in the room dissipated. “See look.”

   Once the contraction was over, Beckett laid her head back on the pillow. She looked at the paper hooked up to the machine beside her. There were lines going up and down along the red graph signifying the baby’s heartbeat.  “This means she’s okay?”

   “For now.” The older nurse replied. “We need to monitor her. If labor becomes too stressful for her we will have to do a c-section. Right now, Mrs. Castle, I want you to try to calm yourself and focus on your breathing.  Your contractions are coming fast.”

   “Tell me something I don’t know.” Beckett hissed bracing for another one. She did her best to focus on breathing and not the pain. Brianna was too still for her liking. When she was in labor with Nate, he had moved around like a fish until moments before he came screaming into the world.

   Castle moved the best he could behind Beckett so she helped take some of her weight while she waded through the contraction. He took her hand and placed them over her heart. “Concentrate.” He whispered nuzzling her ear, “match your breathing to mine.”

   Though it was hard to concentrate on anything but the stabbing pain in her side, Beckett forced herself to focus on the movements of her husband’s chest against her back. As the pain eased so did her heavy breathing. She rested her head on his shoulder, “she really wants to come out.”

   “She’s pushy.” Castle soothed a strand of hair off her sweaty brow, “wonder who she gets that from.”

   “You.”

   “Me?”

   “Yes, you.” Beckett shifted trying to find a comfortable position. “You pushed your way into my life and kept pushing even when I tried to push you away.”

   “Well it got me you, didn’t it?” Castle smiled, “you regretting it now?”

   “Never.” She squeezed the hand that rested over her heart, “I don’t regret a single day.”

   “Me either.” He pressed a kiss to her temple, “I’m going to call mother and Alexis.”

   Thirty minutes later. Castle was standing by his wife’s side as the doctor told her to push. Beckett’s face contorted with pain as she complied. There had been no time for an epidural so his hand was feeling the effects from his wife’s death grip on his hand. “Keep going. You can do this.” He coached through her cries of anguish. This birth wasn’t just hard on the baby. Beckett was older than when she gave birth to Nate and her body had been through quite a lot since then. His biggest fear, one that he hadn’t told anyone, was that this birth might be too much for her to handle. Castle wanted this child more then he wanted to breathe. He just wasn’t sure if he was willing to trade Beckett’s life for it. This wasn’t the first that this thought crossed his mind with all their miscarriage. Castle briefly wondered if that made him a horrible person.

   “That’s it.” The doctor coaxed. “Keep pushing.”

   “Rick.” Beckett was struggling to breathe as she put all her might into following the doctor’s orders. Pushing was taking everything out of her that she feared that she wouldn’t be able to deliver this baby.

   “You’re almost there, babe.” Castle pushed the hair that was matted with sweat from her brow.

   “Listen to me.” She fell back against him when Tara told her to stop pushing. Never in her life had she felt so weak. She had been pushing for what seemed like hours and made very little progress getting the baby out. “If something happens to me.”

   “No.” Castle shook his head refusing to hear the words. “Nothing is going to happen to you.”

   “If something does.” Beckett pressed on, “don’t hold it against her.”

   The writer pressed his face into her damp hair trying to fight the tears and bitter reality of a life without the woman in his arms. It was just not possible. His mind refused to even conjure the possibility. “I love you so much, Kate Beckett.” He whispered into her ear, “You do everything in your power to stay with me, okay? Don’t leave me.”

   Beckett reached a hand back to touch his face, “I love you. Always.”

   “Alright Kate, I think this is it.” The doctor assured, “give me one big push.”

   “I can’t,” Beckett confessed.

   “Yes, you can, baby.” Castle supported her weight and took both her hands. “I’m right here. Just one more push.”

   Soaking up his strengthen, Beckett brace and pushed with everything that she had.

   “I see the head,” Tara announced.

   Castle shifted so he could watch the birth of their daughter. The act of giving birth fascinated him even without being a writer. He just couldn’t wrap his mind around the way the body conformed to push the object the size of a bowling ball of an opening half the size. Watching a child come into the world was one of the wonders of the world. “She’s out.” Tears flooded his eyes instantly Brianna landed in Tara’s waiting hands. He pressed his lips firmly against hers, “you did it, baby.”

   “We did it.” Beckett corrected skimming her fingers over the stubbles on his jaw. The room was bustling with the sound of the nurses moving around the room to receive the newborn to check her weight and vitals. There was something missing from the commotion of the room. Her gaze shot straight to Castle, “Rick?”

   No! No! No! This couldn’t be happening. They didn’t get this far and lose her now. Castle was out of the bed and standing by Tara. The newborn was so still in the woman’s arms that it tore out his heart. Brianna was a tinge of gray, instead of the bright red of a normal newborn. “Doc?”

   “Give me a second.” Tara placed the suction bulb into the baby’s mouth, squeezed, and lifted it out of Brianna’s mouth to push out the liquid.

   Castle watched as Tara repeated the process several times. Just when he was sure that the endeavor was useless, his daughter took a gurgling breath. He saw relief wash through the doc. It was nothing like the relief that was racing through him. “She’s okay.” Castle felt no shame in letting his tears fall. “She’s okay.”

   “Let me see her,” Beckett begged. After a few seconds, Tara handed the hastily swaddled newborn to Castle. For the rest of her life, no matter what she might see, Beckett would never forget the look of awe on her husband’s face when he looked down at their daughter. It went right next to the look he had when Nate was born. She nearly laughed when her husband peeled back the cloth and peaked inside. “What are you doing?”

   “Counting.” Satisfied, he let the cloth fall and laid Brianna on Beckett’s chest. “Ten toes and ten fingers.” He assured with a grin, “counted twice.”

   The moment her daughter was placed on her chest all the pain, frustration, and fear instantly disappeared. Against all odds, the little girl beat them and came into the world as calm as can be. Even know the newborn didn’t cry. Brianna was wide-eyed and looking up at her with the bluest of eyes Beckett had ever seen. “That’s my girl.” Beckett ran her fingers over Brianna’s small head, “coming into with wonder in your eyes. Your brother, on the other hand, came screaming into the world like a banshee.”

   Brianna gave a big yawn in response.

   “Just means she’s going to give us hell when she’s older.” Castle grinned leaning over the bed to look at his girls. He kissed his wife’s brow then his daughter’s head, “I love you both so much.”

   “Go get Nathan and Alexis.”

   Castle fished his phone out of his pocket and despite Beckett’s protest took a few pictures. The perfect moment was shattered when the sound of rushing liquid hit the floor. He knew what it was before Tara shouted for one of the nurses to take the baby. Blood coated the white tile and the doctor’s shoes. Oh god! His own blood ran cold. Beckett was hemorrhaging profusely. “Kate.” His gaze shot to his wife. She was already losing consciousness as they took the baby from her arms. He took her face in her hands despite Tara’s orders to get out of the room. “Don’t you dare leave me? You hear me, Kate! You stay with me.”

   “Rick out now,” Tara shouted between orders to the nurses.

    Ten minutes. Ten agonizing minutes castle waited outside the birthing room. He didn’t dare go to the waiting room where the family waited. There was no way he was going to tell them the news. They already knew how high risk the pregnancy was and telling them about her current condition would send them into a panic. Especially Nate. The door opened and Castle spun around so fast he nearly took out a nurse. “Kate?”

   “Is okay.”

   At the reassurance, Castle’s legs gave out and he crumbled to the floor. He pressed a hand to his mouth to muffle his sobs of relief.  Every fear he had for the past nine months just poured out of him in his tears. His daughter and wife were okay. He didn’t have to imagine a life without either of them. “is she awake?”

   “Not yet. We’re cleaning up Brianna and checking her vitals. With her being early, she might not be able to breathe on her own. So we’re going to check her lungs.”

   “But she’s okay, right?”

   “Breathing problems and the inability to keep warm our common with early pregnancies.” The nurse informed. “We will just have to monitor her.”

   “Okay.” Castle shoved a hand through his hair. “I need to go tell the family. Will they be allowed back?”

   “Give us about ten minutes.”

   The moment he stepped into the waiting room, Nate shot out of his chair and into his arms. Castle lifted him up into a bone-crushing hug. He no longer had to worry about the possibility of having to explain to his son that his mother or sister didn’t make it. “You’re a big brother now.”

   Nate pulled away beaming, “I am?”

   “Sure are.”

   “Is everything okay?” Jim asked.

   Castle heard the fear in his father in law’s voice, “everyone is okay.”

   Martha knew that her son’s bloodshot eyes weren’t just from tears of joy. Something had happened in the delivery room that he didn’t want to say in front of Nate. Martha pushed it aside for now, “that’s wonderful Richard.”

   Everyone was on their feet to kiss the writer’s cheek and wrap him in a hug. Castle wrapped his arm around his daughter to keep her close, “you two want to meet your new sister?”

    “I would like that very much.” Alexis smiled before poking her brother in the side. “What about you squirt? Ready to be outnumbered by girls.”

   “I got daddy.” Nate tightened his hold around his father’s neck, “we can handle it. Right daddy?”

   “Son you’ve got a lot to learn when it comes to women,” Castle replied.

    By the time the trio made it back to the birthing room, Beckett had gained consciousness and was holding a clean and swaddled Brianna to her chest. She had pulled her gown down a bit so there was skin to skin contact. “Hey.” A smile broke across her face when her family entered the room. Her gaze immediately shot to Castle. Her husband’s face was still laced with worry. Silently, she tried to reassure him that she was okay without alarming Nate or Alexis.

   Nate nearly flew out of his father’s arms, “Mommy!”

   Castle sat Nate on the edge of the bed,” be careful.”

   Alexis looked down at the bundle in her step mother’s arms, “she’s beautiful.”

   “And tiny,” Nate added once he got a look.

   “But she’s tough,” Castle assured rounding to the other side of the bed. Brianna already proved that and she wasn’t even an hour old.

   “Can I hold her?” Nate softly asked, “I won’t hurt her. I promise.”

   “How about I help you,” Alexis suggested.

   Beckett carefully passed the newborn to Alexis leaving her arms free to pull Castle against her. She felt him shutter and knew that he was struggling to hold back his tears. “I’m okay.” She whispered only loud enough for him to hear. “We’re okay.”

   Castle’s fingers curled into her hospital gown, “that was too damn close, Kate.”

   “I know.” She was sure that when she was slipping into the darkness that it was death greeting her. “I heard you pleading with me. I held on to your voice and followed it back.” Every time she had been close to death he had been right there trying to call her back from its clutches.  She knew if having the opportunity, he would fight death itself to save her. “You’re my lifeline, Rick. As long as you’re there to pull me back, I will come back to you.”

   Castle drew away to brushed his fingers tips over her cheek, “I will always be there.”

   “We can teach her how to play laser tag,” Nate told his Alexis.

   “When she’s old enough.” She had her brother on one leg and her new sister tucked carefully in one arm while Nathan cradled Brianna’s head in the crook of his arm. “Then we can teach her the secrets to driving mom and dad crazy.”

    Nate’s eyes rounded at the idea, “and I can teach her baseball.”

   “We have to make sure we make her a Yankee’s fan.” Alexis smiled at the sound of disapproval coming from Beckett. “But you know what the most important thing she’s going to learn?”

   “What?” Nate wondered.

   “That she’s got the best family in the world.”

  


	20. 5 AM Wedding

   The bed beside him was empty when Castle awoke in the early morning hours. It was the time where the first of the sun’s rays were coming peeking up from the ground cutting into the blackness of the night. There was a time finding the spot beside him empty would have sent him into a frenzy of panic and worry. Those fears had been put to rest about the time they put Bracken behind bars. The writer heard the soft suckling sound and rolled in bed to the corner of the room where they kept Brianna’s bassinet. Beckett was slowly rocking in the rocking chair with their daughter at her breast. Her head was tilted back, her eyes half closed with content, and she was humming softly into the night. At times like this, he wished he was a painter so he could capture the emotions of the moment because words just weren’t enough. “I didn’t hear her cry.” Castle murmured slipping out of bed.

   Beckett’s eyes opened and smiled at his disheveled hair, “she didn’t. I woke up leaking and go over to check and she’s just laying there staring at the stars, happy as could be.” Nate had been the one to pick out the mobile that was made up of dozen of shining stars. “I tried not to wake you.”

   “And miss this moment.” He feathered his fingers over Brianna’s small head. At two months she had grown but was still small for her age. Her eyes were started to darken with a greenish tint taking after Beckett’s eyes.

   “How is the father of the bride to be?” Beckett asked shifting Brianna to the other breast with the swiftness and grace that always bemused her husband.

     “You know the moment that Alexis was born I dreaded the day that I would have to give her away. I knew that no man would ever be good enough for my little girl. So I always thought I would be bitter about her wedding day.” Castle knelt down in front of her, “Jeremy is about the closest man on the earth to be good enough for her. Seeing them grow together over the past the years have been helpful with acceptance.”

   Beckett caught something in his voice, “there is still something you’re worried about.”

   Of course, she would see it. Castle let out a small sigh, “I just don’t want her to repeat my past. I was young when I married her mother and I know she’s not as young. But they were each other’s first in a lot of things. I don’t want either of them to regret being bound to one person for the rest of their lives and yearning for what else there could have been.”

   “The difference was you married Meredith because she was pregnant and Alexis is a lot level headed than you.” Beckett smiled at the way his brow shot up. “What I mean is that Alexis wouldn’t be marrying Jeremy if she wasn’t absolutely sure he was the one. The girl looks at everything in her life from all angles. Seven years, that’s how long she’s had to think about this, Rick. They’ve had their ups, downs, and breakups and always found their way back to one another. I think you have nothing to worry about.”

   “I always worry about her.” Castle replied, “She’s my little girl.”

   “Not so little anymore.”

   “That will never change no matter how old she gets.” He smiled when Brianna released from her mother and let out a nice big yawn.  Castle watched Beckett shift the baby to her shoulder after covering herself up and gently rub Brianna’s back. “He makes her happy and will provide and protect her. I guess I can live with the fact that I’m giving her away to such a good man.”

   “Don’t worry the next one will be easier.”

   “Do you know how much I dread giving Nathan the sex talk?” Castle shivered thinking about it. When he found out he was having a son, Castle freaked out. So much that the same day he drove out to see Jim for advice. He didn’t want to screw up. He didn’t know how to play baseball or anything most young boys liked to do.

   “Wasn’t it hard with Alexis?”

   Castle laughed, “I tried, but it ended up with her giving me the sex talk. Too smart for age, always has been.”

   Beckett ran her fingertips over the stubbles of his chin, “why don’t you get some more sleep. You’ve got a big day ahead of you.”

    He stood to press a soft kiss to the baby’s soft hair, “How about I make us an early breakfast. Ten bucks says Nate is already up.”

   Beckett tilted her head back to receive his kiss, “sounds perfect.”

    Castle would have won if they had actually made the bet. The moment he made his first noise in the kitchen the five-year-old shot out of his room and down the stairs. “It’s not even five.”

   “I know.” Despite the early morning hour, Nate was bouncing on his toes. “I’m just so excited. Lexi is getting married today!”

   “She sure is.” Castle lifted him up and sat him on the counter. “What should we make your mom? Pancakes?”

   Nate shook his head, “F-ench toast.”

   “Are you sure that’s what mommy wants? Or is that what you want?”

   The corner of his small mouth twitched, “maybe both.”

   Laughing, Castle started taking out the necessary ingredients for breakfast.

   0o0o0o0o0o0o

    “You look so beautiful Alexis.” Beckett smiled at her stepdaughter who was indulging in a twirl in front of the mirror. There were no nerves on the red head’s face. Only utter joy. Beckett was glad that Jeremy was the reason behind that look. The dress Alexis wore was an astonishing two-toned silky gown with a sweet heart neckline and pleated lace bodice. The gown at intricately beading and embroidered appliqués. The skirt was the box pleated with stunning embroidery and was completed with small train. The deep Ivory color went perfectly with her pale complexion.

   Alexis beamed at Beckett’s reflection, “Really?” She had taken her stepmother’s advice and went with a simple wedding even though her mother had tried a half dozen times to talk her out of it. Jeremy had been the one to talk Meredith into the idea of something small. So they chose a small park, sadly not the same park where their fateful meeting took place over a punch, with just friends and family.

   Beckett fiddled with a loose red strand of hair and tucked it under the goddess braid that went over the crown of Alexis’s head.  The braid was studded with simple jewels and flowers. The hairstyle and dress fit Alexis. It was simple, a little old fashion, and elegant. “Like a fairy tale.”

   “I feel like I’m in one.” Alexis turned from the mirror. Beckett wore a simple thin strapped light blue dress that stopped just below her knees. Her curly hair was twisted back in two small side braids that met in the back and were pulled into a bun style.

   “I have something for you.”

   “I already have something from you.” Alexis reminded. The ring that belonged to Johanna and the bracelet that Beckett gave her to replace the one that Grey took as atrophy all those years ago. “Two things actually.”

   Beckett placed a square box in Alexis’s hand, “well this is more from your grandmother.” Martha had felt it would be more of a grand and loving gesture if it came from her like by giving it to Alexis, Beckett was helping to continue the family tradition. “She came on my wedding day to give me this.”

   Alexis opened the case and blue sapphire twinkled at her, “they’re beautiful.” She ran a ringer over the diamonds surrounding the jewel.

   “They’ve been passed on from mother to daughter in your family going back to your great great grandmother,” Beckett explained urging the redhead to put them on.

   Alexis eagerly complied and smiled at her reflection. “They’re perfect.”

   “Martha said she waited to give them to that special someone who made her son complete. She entrusted them to me and now I’m entrusting them to you and one day you’ll give them to your daughter.”

   “Shouldn’t you give them to Brianna?”

   “Lex.” Beckett took both of Alexis’s hand in hers. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this before it sticks. You’re just as much as my child as Nate and Brianna. You’re not of my blood, but it doesn’t mean I love you less.”

   Tears prickled at the corner of her eyes, “don’t make me ruin my makeup.”

   Beckett gently swiped at the tear before it did any real damage, “I’m so proud of you, Alexis. For the obstacle you’ve had to face and the woman you’ve become. I’m honored you like me into your heart and family.”

   Alexis hugged Beckett with enough force to knock the breath out of her. “Thank you for being there.”

   “Always.”

   A knock on the door drew the two woman away as Jim stuck his head in the door, “I’ve got an anxious father and a little girl who is very hungry.”

   Beckett smiled at the bundle resting in her father’s arms. She could tell by the sucking sound Brianna was making she was hungry. Beckett’s body responded sensing the child’s need. “I’ll be right there.” Beckett placed a kiss on Alexis’s cheek. “I love you. I will send in your father before he wears a trench in the floor leading to China. I’ll see you in a bit.”

   A moment after both Becketts left, Castle entered and instantly his eyes watered. “You look so beautiful, pumpkin.”

   Alexis smoothed out the ruffles in her dress, “I feel like a fairy tale princess.”

   “About to marry her prince.” Castle was still struggling with the reality that in a matter of minutes that he would be giving his daughter away. “Jeremy might die when he sees you.”

   “I hope not,” Alexis smirked looking at herself one last time in the mirror.

   “Look Mer-dith.” Nate dragged the red-headed actress into the room. “Lexi is pretty.”

   “You are correct.” Meredith smiled at her daughter, “the ring bearer was dying to see his princess sister one last time.”

   Carefully, Alexis bent the best she could to be eye level with her brother. He looked so dashing in his little tux and with his hair slicked to the side. “You look like a handsome knight.” She fixed his crooked bow tie. Alexis had happily agreed to allow her brother to wear the red bow tie that Jeremy got him for Christmas. “You ready to do your duty, Sir Nathan?”

   The boy clicked his heels to attention and saluted, “yes Ma’am.”

   “Have the rings?”

   Nate padded his breast pocket, “yep.”

   “Where is Kate?” Meredith asked.

   “Bree was hungry,” Alexis explained.

   “So it seems that you have something blue, old, and borrowed covered.” Meredith handed over a box to her daughter. “Now all you need is something blue.”

   Inside was a thin chained necklace with a small circle sapphire. “Mom it’s beautiful.”

   “Let me.” Meredith waited until Alexis was facing the mirror before she clasped it around the young woman’s neck. It matched perfectly with the earrings. “There.”

   Alexis brought a hand up to touch the jewel, “now everything is perfect.”

   “I’m so proud of you.” Meredith kissed her daughter’s cheek, “Jeremy is a lucky man.”

   “I think we’re both lucky to have each other.”

   “Okay.” Before she started crying, Meredith clasped a hand over Nate’s shoulder, “I will give your father a moment alone with you while I make sure our ring bearer is in place.”

   “Thank you, mom,” Alexis called out.

   “Love you,” Meredith replied before leaving father and daughter alone.

   Alexis squared her shoulders so she could fully face her father. He was graying more now around the temples and the laugh lines around his eyes were deeper. The years had been good to him with lots of love and laughter. His eyes, sparkling blue, held such happiness, but Alexis could see just something beneath the surface. “Dad just because you’re giving me away doesn’t mean you won’t still be important in my life.”

   “I know.” He smoothed a wisp of her hair down fighting tears at how grown up his little girl was. It seemed like yesterday she was five years old struggling to hold a laser tag pistol while he taught her to play. Where did the time go? How he wished he could just have a little more time to keep Alexis to himself. “I’m just not going to be number one anymore.”

   “I love him.”

   “I know.” He repeated, “And I’ve seen how much he loves you. I just want the answer to one thing.”

   “Okay.”

   “When you walk out this door, will you have any regrets?”

   ‘No.” Alexis answered honestly and without hesitation.  “I look to the future and all I can see is him.”

   “Then that’s good enough for me.” Castle carefully pulled her into a tight hug, “you’ll always be my little girl.”

   Alexis rested her cheek on his shoulder, “and you’ll always be my daddy no matter how old I get.”

   This time there was no way to stop the tears. “I am so proud of you, you know that.”

   Alexis tried to pull away and laughed when he tightened his hold on her, “Dad, you have to let me go.”

   “No, I don’t.” He argued.

   “If you make me late to my wedding you’ll have both mom and Kate to answer to.”

   Those were the magic words. Castle released her and allowed her one more look in the mirror before he offered her his arm, “ready?”

   “You betcha.” Alexis looped her arm through his.

0o0o0o0o0o

   When Jeremy saw Alexis walking down the aisle on her father’s arm the entire world just stood still. He had never seen a more breathtaking site then his wife to be. Jeremy was vaguely away of the way his mouth fell open into a toothy smile as she walked towards him. He felt no shame as tears flooded his eyes. The woman of his dreams was walking towards him in a vision of white and looking more beautiful than ever. He truly had waited his whole life for this moment so he blinked away his tears the best he could so he could burn every second of it into his mind.

   Alexis grinned at her husband to be’s reaction. Seeing the smile of astonishment on his face with tears in his eyes made her heart do wonderful flips in her throat. Jeremy was looking at her like all he could ever want in the world was in front of him. And that was hers. She hoped that her face portrayed the same thing. Jeremy was truly the best thing to happen to her life.

    Castle stopped short of the younger man and smiled, “might want to close your mouth.”

   Jeremy jolted out of his stupor and hastily shut his mouth but he didn’t stop smiling.

   Castle looked to the minister when she asked who gives away the bride. “I do.” He kissed his daughter’s cheek one last time before shaking hands with Jeremy, “treat her right. If not I know three cops and an ME that can hide your body.”

   A strangled laugh found its way out of Jeremy tight throat, “won’t have to worry about that.” He assured taking Alexis’s hand in his own. If it was possible his smile grew, “you look amazing.”

   Alexis raked her eyes up and down his slick tux and smiled, “not so bad yourself.”

   Beckett shifted Brianna in her arms so that Castle wouldn’t jostle the baby awake when he sat. She could see the tears he was fighting. “He’s a good man.” She whispered softly brushing her lips over his cheek.

   Castle latched on to her free hand, “I know.”

   “Alexis.” Jeremy looked down at their joined hands and then smiled at her, “I liked you before I was even supposed to like girls. I tried to tell you once, but we know how that ended. So I waited because the best things in life come to those who wait. Though it was a little out of fear that if I talked to you’d break my nose.” He joined in a teary laugh with her as the crowd did the same. “You’ve seen me at my worst. I was nothing and you could have walked away and found someone better for you. You stayed and you helped me fight my demons and helped me back on my feet. I love you, Alexis Harper Castle.”

   Tears shined in her eyes as she took a moment to clear her voice the best she could. “People go their whole lives and never know was love feels like. I was lucky enough to find that with you. These past seven years haven’t been easy and we could have walked away from each other half a dozen times, but we stayed together. When I look to the future I see us with a few red-headed children running around.” Her smile grew when he let out a soft laugh. “I couldn’t have asked for a more loyal friend, gentle lover, and perfect soul mate. I know you’re going to be a fantastic husband and can’t wait to start this next adventure with you. I love you and will continue to love you until my last breath. Even then I will never stop.”

   The minister smiled at the couple, “now the rings.”

   On cue, Nate reached up and tugged gently on Jeremy’s shirt tail. When the man turned around, he held up a small fist. “I have em.” He dropped the two rings into Jeremy’s hand.

   “Thanks, little man.” Jeremy took a moment to ruffle the boy’s hair before turning back to Alexis.

   Castle reached for both his wife’s hand and Meredith’s as the couple began to exchange rings. It might look strange on the outside looking in. It didn’t matter. They were family after all. It might have taken a few missteps to get there, but they were still family.

   When the minister declared them husband and wife, Alexis squealed in delight when Jeremy’s arms shot around her so he could dip her and give her the most breathtaking kiss of her life. She couldn’t hear the cheers of the crowd over the roar in her ears as he righted them. Smiling, she touched a hand to his face before giving him one more kiss. “I love you.”

   “I love you.” Jeremy echoed turning to the cheering crowd.

   Alexis’s gaze went to her family. Fate had given her the best family she could have asked for. Not just those bound by blood. Her gaze went to the members of the twelfth and found their faces beaming with pride and happiness. They were just as much as her family as the one she was born into.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

   Beckett approached the table where most of the family said. Jenny and Gates were taking turn dancing with the twins while Nate was busting it on the dance floor with Lanie leaving Esposito on daddy duty with Ryan and Castle as company. She made a mental note since her son was no longer wearing his jacket to look for it before turning her attention fully to her husband. He had Brianna nestled in his arms and was jiggling a set of keys just out of her grasp. As she approached, Beckett could hear her daughter’s happily gurgles while she tried to reach a small fist for them.  “Have you seen your son?”

   Castle looked up and swept the room until he found Nate. The five-year-old was dancing circles around the M.E. with the worst dance moves in the world. He smiled proudly, “taught him everything I know.”

   Esposito looked down at his sleeping son, “Esposito’s are born dancers.”

   Beckett laid a hand on her husband’s shoulder, “Well let’s see how much Parish little Javi has before you go dissing my son’s dance moves.” She bent down to kiss Castle’s temple, “dance with me?”

   Jim leaned over and held out his arms, “I’ll take Bri for you.”

   Castle carefully passed the baby to his father in law and stood. He offered a hand, “shall we, Mrs. Castle?”

   “Let’s go Mr. Castle.” She took his hand and they disappeared on to the dance floor. Alexis and Jeremy were in the middle swaying close together as the music shifted to a slower song. Beckett happily slipped her arms around her husband’s neck. “How are you holding up?”

   A smile crossed his handsome face, “I’m okay.” He glanced back at the newlywed couple. “He’s a good man.”

   She ran her fingertips through the wisps of his hair on the neck, “and he makes her happy.”

   He nuzzled her nose, “do I still make you happy, Kate?”

   “Every day.” She answered with a kiss. “Do I make you happy?”

   “Extremely.”

   They turned to the sound of laughter to see Nate had broken into the young couple’s dance and was demanding a dance with the bride. Instead of back out, Jeremy hoisted the five-year-old into his arms and slid an arm around Alexis to pull them close. Alexis nuzzled her brother’s cheek and started to sway to the sound of the music.

   Beckett laid her head on her husband’s shoulder content with the world. “I love you, Richard Castle.”

   His arms tightened around her waist, “I love you too Kate Castle.”

  


End file.
